A Confession: The Real Deal

OK, dear readers, let's play a game. It's called Being Honest, and I assure you it's an easy game to play. All you have to do is tell the truth. That's all.

So let's begin, starting with ME.

Oh, before I continue, allow me to apologize if anything I say hurts your feelings, intelligence or whatsoever. Just be prepared for anything. And don't think I want your sympathies. No; I just want you guys and gals to understand what I'm going through right now. Anyway, a million apologies in advance to all of you for everything I will type out here.

Truth be told, my Life sucks. Heck, it sucks so bad the only way I can let all the suckiness go is to drain it down a black hole for a few months or so. Yeah, you can say it's quite terrible.

Let's see, what do I have that bugs me a lot?

Firstly, studies. There seems to be a lack of spiritual willingness to pick up a book and study, or do continuous revision and in turn help me get good grades in the upcoming SPM. I've like, what, two months or so before the Day comes? So how?

Am I just gonna sit down in front of the computer all day and ignore my studies and my parents' nagging, or do I take a stand (err, I mean a seat) and revise 24/7? Of course it has to be the latter! So what's so hard about doing it? You tell me, 'cause I'm on a need-to-know basis here. If ever I can't seem to do the right thing, does this mean I am a failure? Well, I AM one already, aren't I?

The word 'loser' is written all over my face, just like how 'failure' is written all over Charlie Brown's. I can see them clearly in the mirror. (Thank you to those of you who don't) So what have I gotta do?

(Bro, if you're reading this, I sure could use your help - a lot of it!)

Secondly, my social life. Remember that Misunderstanding I had only recently? Well, I don't think I've really settled it properly. Well, that's what I think.

On this subject, let me ask you an honest question. Remember, you MUST be honest!

OK: do you really really really really HATE my guts? Heck, so much you could just kidnap me and dump me in a black hole? (and coincidentally solving my problems...) BE HONEST WITH ME, PLEASE.

If you do, then there must be some way I can change so that I can still have you as a friend for life. Take the Misunderstanding between me and Sue Jean. (Real names used since this IS a very honest post) I still think that I haven't resolved the matter yet. Have I?

I can only get an answer from her, so for now I'm still quite in the dark. But something tells me that I need to find a way to correct it somehow. I hate myself if ever I say or do something to hurt someone, whether or not I'm justified. In the end I'll always be the one asking for forgiveness and solve the problem. You can ask my friends; they'll attest to it.

I've been continuously attempting to find a way to explain the matter to her, but so far it's been in vain. So now, I make my stand not just to Miss Jean, but to all of you readers. (You too, bro!)

If imperfection was in everyone's genes, then I must have the rare Extremely Imperfect gene that is only found in one out of ten billion people. Everything I do seems to be adversely affecting my life and that of others. Everything I do doesn't please everyone almost everytime. And I mean EVERY SINGLE TIME. Add this with my extreme short-term memory loss, and you have a recipe for disaster.

In this case, what I say never turns out to be the right thing to say. I have had arguments with many of my friends before because of small things that shouldn't even be argued about. I had lost a friend before because of words (coupled with my own foolish actions). I almost lost another because he was nowhere to be found. (Mind you, I carpool with this pal of mine) And now it seems I'm on the verge of losing another.

WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON????

To everyone of you - Sue Jean, Thomas, Ai Yean, Monil, Thean Soong, Leroy, Benjamin, Sara, Timothy, Tihn Chern, Wai Keong, Kelly, and anybody else I know - I deeply apologize for any wrong I have done unto you. I promise you all that I will not make the same mistake again. Just give me reason, but don't give me choice, lest history repeats itself.

I'm in lots of stress right now, so please do be considerate. Remember I'm not looking for sympathy, just your understanding. With your grace, you will be able to build me up into a better person, and the titanic burden I carry in my heart shall be lightened. Long story short, you're helping me greatly. And I will be thankful to you for all eternity.

If you have anything you'd like to add, please do leave your say in my CBox or Comments section. If you prefer to discuss this privately, then you can email me. It should be provided in my Profile.

Thanks for your time, and I'll see you soon. =)