Words

If only I could see
What the future held for me
Then perhaps
Everything would be different
And perhaps so much better as well


I'd said this before
I lost my heart
But I lost my soul too
I lost everything
All that I hold dear
All of it seems so distant
Or gone forever
(Well, maybe not everything)


I have so many friends
But on the other hand
I have so few
I talk about being positive
When in reality
I'm down in the negative
They tell me
My problems are normal
It's just teenage problems
Maybe
But they still seem to persist


I have trouble speaking of my troubles
It's hard to find the words
Because when I say it
It sounds like it's the usual
But it isn't


Am I like a hypochondriac?
I guess I am
The small things seem so big
And the big ones seem bigger
Making a mountain
Out of a molehill
Almost all the time
Even when I plan not to
Trouble comes easily
But then again
It goes away the same, too


But that's only if I still believe
Believe in myself
But I can't
So much has happened
It's making me feel weaker
It's taking me lower
Probably down to earth
Or deeper down


Too many are the mistakes
And the regrets
And the faults
And the embarrassment
Part and parcel?
I have my doubts


But that's just me, isn't it?
A little not too observant
Lost in his own world
Seemingly arrogant
Always doing the wrong thing
(Well, most times)
Doing it wrong
Saying it wrong, too
Has bad timing
Too sarcastic
Too apologetic
Too self-centred
Too stupid
Too doubting
Too proud
Too pig-headed
Too careless
The list continues
Maybe that's why I have so little friends
I can't even trust in myself
So how can I trust them?
(Save a few exceptions)


Maybe I'll just go on with Life
And see what's in store for me


Cheers