Waiting For The End?

My grandmother suddenly fell very ill recently, and the incident left me... feeling afraid. Too afraid.

She's close to her eighties now, and even though she isn't the same after the stroke that nearly cost her life about two years ago, I'm glad we still have her around. Despite the difficulty in communicating with her she's still part of my family, and I still love her to the core. Sure, I make mistakes with her too, but nevertheless I keep telling myself to do better next time around. And I make sure she's alright all the time.

But after this, I don't know what to expect next. She's old. Her time is almost up. But it's hard to accept that fact. It's as if I want her to remain for a longer time, even though it's not possible. When God has set your date of passing, then it's already been set. Nothing else can change it.

But if she does leave this mortal plane... damn it, I don't know how I'll react. It may just rend my soul in half for some time. The scars are definitely gonna linger. I really don't know. All I know I need to be prepared, and watch over her more closely.

God help me.