The Hammer Principle: Stop Bashing Others!

I'm very sure that whenever someone disagrees with your opinion, you'd be prepared to face them in combat - like two rival armies clashing over who's the best at conquering. You justify your facts are true, and theirs are not according to your beliefs. They feel the same vice versa, and when both sides are unwilling to give in to the other, then it's all-out war. Let me tell you something: STOP FIGHTING AND START LISTENING!

That's what the Hammer Principle is about. Instead of overreacting to everything, take a gentler and more polite way to solve the problem. If you've read the Situation Principle, then you know about not letting the situation mean more than the relationship. Essentially, this also shares some of its traits. We are normally inclined to use a "hammer" to bash all our problems in like they were nails. The truth is, a gentler approach can achieve just as much - but without the pain, the fuss, the problems, the consenquences, etc. Thus, it's better to follow these Ts to get things right when problem solving.

1. Total Picture
Don't jump to conclusions! That's the biggest problem with us humans. We always jump to a certain conclusion before the sentence is finished. Instead of doing that, do this:

Listen - Ask - Listen - Ask more - Listen again - Respond

When you slow down it's very easy to respond the right way.

2. Timing
Time your words and actions right too! Ask yourself: 'Am I ready to confront?' and after that, 'Is the other person willing to hear?' The first question decides whether you've done your homework to face the problem. The second question is harder, but can be answered with a YES if both parties are open to each other, and are not arguing about it.

3. Tone
As Proverbs stated, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." When someone responds angrily, respond politely and softly. They will soften too.

4. Temperature
If the reaction is worse than the action, the problem usually increases. Following John C. Maxwell's Reprimand Rule: "Take thirty seconds to share feelings - and then it's over." Anything more than thirty seconds means you're using the hammer. This helps control you from going overboard with your words and actions.

And it's best to remember that 'hammering' is best to tackle tough jobs, not people. When it comes to people, one should let the past stay in the past. After all, if you remind the person of his/her past mistakes, he/she may be inclined to do the same thing! Also, don't make things worse by overreacting. The person may already be hurting, and you're only going to add more hurt to him/her. Then,also remember actions speak louder than words. Even though a problem is solved the scars left behind will always remain. "The way you treat people will stya with them a lot longer than the words you choose," as John C. Maxwell would say.

Practise what you learned in the Situation Principle. (If you haven't read it yet, I suggest you go through this first) Make sure you treat everyone equally and not following quick judgments or misunderstandings. And finally, it's always best to be forgiving and admit your mistakes. When you humble yourself, the other person may feel guilty for hammering you and they will do the same. Eventually, a peace treaty will be signed between both warring factions.

And do look into your own selves too. You may be the one wielding the hammer. Before you can change others, have others mirror you and tell you what it is they see. If they see a problem, then you had better do something about it. Replace the hammer with a velvet glove; it helps iron out the rough spots between each other.

Cheers!