Part IV of Friendship Eternal: The Approachability Principle

When it comes to interactions, approachability is a key element in fostering good relationships. You'd probably met and heard of approachable people in your life: favorite teachers, good friends, orators, successful businessmen and even leaders of nations. There are even those close in your heart, and you often wonder how it would be nice if you were like them. It's all in the way they can easily bond and connect with their friends and other people. Like celebrities, they attract attention easily. It's not just about charisma that makes the man (or woman) or the skills that they possess that make them unique. The fact they easily get along with practically anyone is what makes them special.

Then there are those on the opposite side of socialization: the introverted, the cold, the forbidding. Man, those are the kind of people you should thaw out of the ice.

We all want to be as famous as RJ Kevin. Let's face it, he's the most popular dude in the entire Lower Six! I'm pretty sure every girl would want to date a cool guy like him. But why is ever one in love with RJ? (Except the teachers - most of them) It's all beause he knows how to approach them. But every one can be an RJ Kevin if they know how!

The Approachability Principle is all about that. People tend to miss the opportunity to connect with their friends and deepen their friendship because they don't make themselves approachable to others. It mostly depends on how you can connect with the people around you, and how you convey the message to them. The "art of getting along" with your pals and other people depends on 98 percent of your own behavior to others.

Even I'm trying to learn this principle! It's because when you are approachable your friends find it easier to communicate with you. They are at ease. They feel comfortable. They feel like you make them feel special in a sense.

To start cultivating approachability, you need to have personal warmth to every one you know. Christian Bovee said, "Kindness is a language the dumb can speak and the deaf can hear and understand." It's easy to tell when you are cared for by your friend(s), or if you are resented. And to let friends know you care, you must let them feel your warmth and your concern for them. You also need to appreciate the differences in others, and when you know which parts of them are better than yours and vice versa, you can complement one another. Once they see it the way you see it, they'll start liking you better. And you'll like them just as much! Thus, different is good sometimes.

Also, it's important to watch your moods. If you remember seeing shows where the employee who arrives at the office and asks a fellow colleague, "How is he today?", you'd know that people with inconsistent moods are hard to connect. Why? Because you can never expect anything from them! Conversely, if your mood is always at a consistent level, you become predictable. You are always what you are, and people will feel at ease when in your company. You won't just jump at them like a mad dog when they least expect it! (Unless they know you are a Super-extrovert!)

Don't forget you need to be sensitive to what others feel! Even if you are emotionally stable, does that mean others are? Tune into them the best way possible. Adjust yourself depending on their mood. They will see that you are on their wavelength, and that helps them connect with you. Also, let's not forget the importance of exposing your own weaknesses once in a while. There was a time when John C. Maxwell conducted a conference, and asked the leaders in attendance to do just that. But one man approached him, saying that he disagreed.

"Won't that make my people unsure of me?" he asked.
"No, I won't," Mr Maxwell answered. "You see, you're operating under the assumption that they don't already know."

Author Ed Howe wisely stated, "Express a mean opinion of yourself occassionally; it will show your friends that you know how to tell the truth." It matters not about what they think of you. Approachable people are always honest about themselves. It makes them willing to listen to what they need to hear. And because you have your faults, you wouldn't mind if your friends had their own faults too! "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves," goes an old Chinese proverb. "They shall never cease to be amused."

Forgiving and forgetting are crucial too. When you know your own weaknesses and that of your friends, it's not hard to forgive them - because in any case, we're still human. And let's not forget authenticity. You are who you are, not what they decide. If you are a person who always shares laughs with everyone, be that person. If you're the friend who always looks out for others, be that person. If you always value deep friendships that last for lifetimes, continue being that person. You don't have to pretend like you're someone else. You just have to be yourself, in your own skin, with no secrets, no hidden agendas, no worry about where you stand with others. To be authentic, you need to be secure with yourself because you will feel like you won't always need to win, and you don't have anything to prove.

Approachability has its boons in leading others too. When you are approachable with your employees, they will feel at ease with you and it'll be easier for them to work with you and give their all to meet your demands. In parenting, approachable parents make their children feel really close to them. In marriage, both husband and wife need to be approachable with one another so that common problems can be solved quickly.

In the end, when you are approachable, people come to you like nails to a magnet. The more approachable you become, the more people and friends who will flock to your side.

Cheers!