Part I of Friendship Eternal: The Bedrock Principle

(For this series of posts I will impart much of John C. Maxwell's people principles when it comes to trust, as well as some of my own. All friendships we have all depend on trust. The higher your trust, the more people trust you. I hope Mr Maxwell's guidelines will be insightful to all you readers as it has been for me)

'Friends, I will remember you,

Think of you,

Pray for you,

And when another day is through,

I'll still be friends with you!'

I love that verse. It's from an old country song entitled "Friends", and that very verse (the chorus in fact) puts a smile on my face anytime I think of it.

Friendship is the basis of people relations once you get to know them. Sure, it's different in the corporate world, but in spite of that, even business partners can become friends with their clients. But if there's anything that friendship or corporate relations need to survive is trust. To build lasting trust, you need to practise the Bedrock Principle.

"Trust is the result of a risk successfully survived," as said by psychologist and consultant Jack R. Gibb. It's because when others trust us, they truly take a risk. Whenever we don't let them down, we are strengthening that trust with them. Sooner or later, you'll have yourself trust that can last for a lifetime! But it all begins with yourself. If you're not honest with yourself, how can you be honest with others? Moreover if you can't see your short-comings you can't do anything to make them better. It all depends on how we look at ourelves. When we see ourselves positively, our impact on others is positive. And it applies otherwise too, and that would be bad.

And don't ever think you can break trust down to smaller components. It's more like disassembling it, or demolishing trust down to the ground. If you keep thinking you can cut around trust or compromise values in one part of your life, you're very likely to cause more trouble than you know it. "What a person will do WITH you," John C. Maxwell says, "he will also do TO you!"

Always remember that trust is the foundation to every relationship. It all begins with the trust you initially gain with others, and vice versa. Trust is also the frame and the height of the relationship - trust holds the relationship together, and ensures the relationship grows to new levels. Writer and chaplain to Queen Victoria, Charles Kingsley, said, "A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults." With trust, a relationship is cemented and will remain so for as long as the trust is maintained.

Here's some insight by Mike Abrashoff, who wrote 'It's Your Ship':

"Trust is like a bank account - you have got to keep making deposits if you want it to grow. On occasion, things will go wrong, and you will have to make a withdrawal. Meanwhile, it is sitting in the bank earning interest."

Now let's take it from Mr Maxwell:

"For years in leadership conferences, I taught the idea of having "change" in your pokcet relationally. When you first begin with someone, you start fresh with that person. If the person is trusting and generous, you may begin with a little bit of change. If he is suspicious or hurting, you probably begin with none. Each time you do something to buld trust, you put relational change in your pocket. Each time you do something negative, you spend some of that change. Do enough negative things - due to lack of character or competence - and you're bankrupt. And that spells the end of that relationship."

What wise words! Now that makes you wonder how much change you have left, don't you?

But be sure that you're not just adding change to your pocket. You also want to compound it! With lots of trust you can find you make nary a deposit anymore! But if you don't work hard on adding change consistently, you might just end up broke again. And that would spell a relational disaster.

Ah, but if you think you can't trust others, then you need to be proactive to build trust.

If people have broken your trust, forgive them. You're in the right, and with that power comes necessary responsibility. Then, clearly state that such occurences must never EVER happen again, or else that person will lose your respect. (You may also hurt his pride real badly too!) And always remember their best moments. Sure, I can't deny that hurt will come and go with people. But if you don't start building trust, you may end up regretting. For only risk takers can see the fruits of their labor: the joy you gain from trusted people.

So now ask yourself: has anyone broken your trust? Is the crime a severe one that warrants you not to trust that person anymore? How willing are you to forgive him or her? Will he or she keep by his or her promise? Can you trust yourself in taking the risk? Also, for those you trust, how much do you trust one another? The answers you get from them will determine your level of trust to others. But I hope you can put your faith in the people you can count on. That investment will be the best you'll ever make.

Cheers!