Part II of Friendship Eternal: The Situation Principle

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Trust is one thing. Once there is trust, then surely all relationships will have solid foundations, and we can have healthy interactions with those we know. But be careful, because trust can face difficulties to maintain too! Like a building undergoing a facelift, when a storm comes along all the best laid plans will just come to nothing, and the building will just become rubble. To make sure that trust continues to stand firm, you need to be cautious around certain situations. Remember: never let the situation mean more than a relationship. Never let yourself put situations ahead of the relationships you have.

Let's take the famous Serena and Venus Williams as an example. Having a father who trained them intensively in tennis, they were both on the road to fame - Venus, the elder sister, ranked number one in the twelve-and-under division, while Serena ranked number one in the ten-and-under division. Once they had finally gone pro  in later years, it wouldn't be long before they would meet in the court. When they first did in the Australian Open's second round, Venus trumped her little sister. They soon met again in the finals of the Lipton Championship in March 1999, and Venus won again.

But in spite of the competition they proved to be to one another (Serena soon topped her sister, especially when she became the number-one player in the world in 2002), it never did affect their relationship as sisters. In fact, they're still getting at the best of each other. They still love each other. And even Venus admitted missing her sister when Serena skipped the 2004 Australian Open.

Venus says this: "Family comes first, no matter how many times we play each other. Nothing will come between me and my sister." This is known as the Situation Principle.

From them, we can learn that it's important for us to nurture the relationships in our lives, like that with our families. Surely, there can never be smooth sailing, but it never is any day. It's all about making sure you see the importance of the relationships in your lives, and not the situations that could threaten these relationships. Of course, at times major situations (life-or-death ones) will need to be prioritized more than the relationship. But never ever lose your perspective on the important things. Material wealth, rank and authority are only temporary.

You need to make sure you see the big picture, not the bad one. The more you see the bad picture, the more unhappy you'd be. When you want to make a point, leave out the bad picture from the big picture. It's because you want to solve the issue at hand quickly, and not let it get bogged down by unnecessary arguments. Then, make sure you don't make the same mistake twice, or else the consequences will be heavy. Also make it a point not to turn a small issue into a big one. (As I did often last time!) Finally, always show altruistic (unselfish) love even in dire situations. You'd be surprised to see their reaction when you are unconditional with them. By handling them well, you'll notice big problems become small ones, and then eventually subside - leaving you free of guilt!

Mr Maxwell has a little to add to all that:

'When I was a kid, going through my orneriest (rebellious) phase, [my mother] would often say as I left for school, "John, I always want you to do what's right. But regardless of what you do, know that I still love you!"'

That is a clear example of focusing on the relationship, and not the situation. Our parents are similarly the same. They love us, and they don't want us to get in trouble. If your parents care for you so much that they still show love for you even when you did wrong, that means they've been practising this principle. And you should learn something from them.

(NOTE: Parental love and respect will be addressed in a later post)

Cheers!