Words

Everything I know is wrong

Everything I do it just comes undone

And everything is torn apart

Oh and that's the hardest part

But it's all part of the learning process, isn't it?

All these years there has been a lingering sense of failure in me whenever I did something wrong. Some days I still feel that.

But like I said, we live and we learn. That includes me, too, despite what I tell myself.

I could feel it go down

Bittersweet I could taste in my mouth

Silver lining in the clouds

Oh and I

I wish that I could work it out

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to escape this mad cycle. It's not impossible. Time and time again, I've come close to breaking out,  but circumstances push me back close to where I first started.

It's a rough and tumble journey, and I can't say that I'm not any wiser than before. Experience has made me a better man, but still there's a  long way to go.

I know something is broken

And I'm trying to fix it

Trying to repair it

Any way I can

If I had not opened myself to change, would I have reached this stage? I highly doubt it. I was nothing but trouble. I still am, but at least not to  such an extent that I'd be dire situations all the time.

Much of what is broken is now repaired. I just hope those that seem permanently irreparable are still able to be fixed.

Maybe the answers still elude me?

Or maybe the answers are right there in front of me, yet I am blind to them?

For all I know, that could be it. It means I need to get my eyesight corrected.

Lord I don't know which way I am going

Which way the river's going to flow

It just seems that upstream I keep rowing

Still got such a long way to go

The world can rob us of every single inch - except one. One tiny, fragile inch that they can never take away from us, no matter how they try. It  cannot be bought, nor sold, nor given away. We must never lose it at all.

There is no price for the freedom of the self.

But am I truly free?

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

There are still shackles holding me down. Guilt, burdens, fears - human emotion itself seems to have turned against me. The mind is raging against the soul.

There is no equilibrium. Balance needs to be restored.

Freedom has yet to be found. Four solid walls prevent me from leaving my cell.

My song is love

Is love unknown?

And I've got to get that message home

But freedom seems so close. I can taste it in the air. And oh, how sweet it is.

How much do I have to risk to find freedom?

Maybe you'll get what you wanted

Maybe you'll stumble upon it

Everything you ever wanted

In a permanent state

In time. I believe that my time is soon.

The journey isn't over, after all. Whoever said it was? Only a fool would think he has had it made.

Not just yet, friends. It's always, always the beginning.

And who can say what the risks are? I say, 'bring them on!'

Just because I'm losing

Doesn't mean I'm lost

Doesn't mean I'll stop

Doesn't mean I'm in a cross

Perhaps the enlightenment I seek will be gained tomorrow. Maybe next week. Maybe next month. Maybe in the next decade, or the next half a  century. I don't know.

But I'll still wait for that message.

It will come.

I just got lost

Every river that I've tried to cross

And every door I ever tried was locked

Ooh-oh

And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

Freedom, come embrace me in thine arms, and take me to the paradise I long for.

"Oh, beauty, 'til now I never knew thee."

Gravity release me

And dont ever hold me down

Now my feet won't touch the ground

With Opened Eyes I See The Truth

It only just occurred to me that, indirectly, I have become an unwitting tool to be manipulated.

And this stems from the fact that I'm just too plain nice. I can never say no. To (almost) anyone. At all. The rare few instances where I put my foot down is only if (a) I'm too busy to involve myself in their work; (b) I have a deep hatred for the person in question; (c) I feel extra lazy; or (d) I've no mood to do it.

It's not that I'm being used by people. In fact, I'm allowing myself to intervene in their work simply because of a few reasons, among them being:

(a) what they're doing is a total piece of crap which, IMHO, I feel can be done much better if they put in the extra effort;
(b) they need "guidance", or so my head says;
(c) I feel somewhat sympathetic that they're close to a crazy predicament if they don't get it done;
etcetera etcetera, yadda yadda, gab gab.

So phooey. I've made myself do something that's not benefiting myself or the other party. (Benefiting them in terms of allowing them to do a good job)

So it's high time I made a clean fix about this problem. This day forth, the help you want from me is a selective process. If I can see that it will benefit both parties in some ways or another, then yes I will gladly help you. But you need to pull your own weight as well. Or else, what's the point of me helping you doing it?

There are only a few rare exceptions in this rule, i.e. preparing Tihn Chern's speech for Teacher's Day. Yes, don't give me that awkward look of surprise. He didn't know what to talk about, so I offered to write him a simple speech. Which I did, and from there made a few changes of his own. In the end, all I did was provide him an avenue to deliver an inspiring speech (well, I felt it was) - he filled in the rest of the blanks.

That's how cooperation should be.

So you can stop hoping I'll be kind enough to give you clues. I've given far too many, and from what I've seen, they haven't helped you at all. Not a bit. Sure, you'll say it helped them answer the questions. But that's just a temporary solution. The permanent one is yours in the end.