Thoughts: Forgiving II

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
~ Lewis B. Smedes

This quote rings truth.

Forgiving releases a lot of weight from one's shoulders. But it's not just them who will be relieved. You too benefit from forgiving.

To bear ill will against someone is only going to be the death of you. You pour in so much malice, so much energy, so much thought into hating someone that you don't realize you're actually trapping yourself. It's like going into a cage full of lions, and then locking yourself in with them and throwing the key away.

How would you feel if, somehow, you and your closest friend suddenly had a terrible row and the both of you would not forgive each other? If you were in the wrong, but you failed to admit your fault on your part, how would you feel? And if you regretted and begged for forgiveness, but none was given, how would you feel then?

I know a few of you who are in such a position, or instead may be the offended party. Isn't it time for the bridges to be mended? How long are you going to poison your heart and mind? To what extent will you finally give them forgiveness?

You may tell me it doesn't affect you at all. Does it now? When you look back at your life and realize you'd made the mistake of not forgiving someone for something he/she has done wrong AND could have been easily forgiven, now that you're the wiser? What would you have to say to yourself?

Heed my warning. Let bygones be bygones. Even when it hurts, grant them forgiveness.

Here's a true story (from the Reader's Digest): a woman from the Phillipines by the name of Anna once celebrated Christmas with two orphan kids - seven-year old Orly, and ten-year old Virgie. They had so much fun in the three days they were to stay with them, that her parents called the orphanage to ask for an extension. They got three extra weeks. What fun!

Soon enough, there was talk about adopting them. Young Anna soon realized that with them permanently in the family, all the attention would go to them. She wouldn't have any of it. So she did the unthinkable (for a child of age 11, it seemed a good idea): she began to sideline herself from the family. The ploy worked, and both the orphans went back to the orphanage. The both of them called and called, begging to be adopted, but it was too late. Anna's father feared she would isolate herself again. They never got to adopting them. They didn't dare.

It wasn't until years later that Anna found out about those calls. In her words, "the guilt cut through my insides. I wondered how my immaturity changed their lives." I can't imagine how their lives would have changed, for better or worse.

Anna tried tracing them, but to no avail. It seemed as though they disappeared from the face of the earth.

Anna sums it all up in her final paragraph:

"My only hope of making contact with them is if one day,... a man would in some vague way recognize me. Maybe he would approach and tell me that I seem familiar. I'd look into his eyes and say, "Why yes, we've met. I'm from the family that promised salvation but never followed through." And I'd tell him, "Orly, I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry."

Think about it. Cheers all.

"When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future."
~ Bernard Meltzer

Thoughts: Forgiving I

"My desire is to be a forgiving, non-judgmental person."
~ Janine Turner

That is what I hope to be one day. It's not an easy path, but I'll get there.

But it's hard to forgive someone, isn't it? We justify ourselves that he/she is in the wrong and I am right. But if a person doesn't make any mistakes, he isn't a mortal anymore - he's God!

I'd say, in terms of faith, God didn't make us perfect for a reason. It's so that we learn from our mistakes and use that experience to make things better in future. In terms of science, logical reasoning needs to mature over time, and thus mistakes we make are only signs that our minds are still growing.

(Correct me if I'm wrong in any of these topics)

After all, to err is human and to forgive is divine. It's best to have at most one enemy than only one friend. Besides, if you and your enemy are the last people alive, how do you expect to rely on each other to survive?

Cheers.

Remembering 9/11

Ten years. Ten years have flown by so quickly.

I remember I was only nine when it happened. We had just come back from celebrating my mum's 42nd birthday with a nice dinner, all smiles and all feeling lively. We turned on to the news, wondering what may have happened in the world while we were away.

The first thing we saw was the smoke, rising into the air, as the fires raged where the first plane hit. As the reporters were talking to the news anchors about what happened, the next plane came out of nowhere and collided the second tower. We were, suffice to say, shocked to the core.

We were glued to the screen, wondering what was to transpire in the next few moments, as though we were watching an intense action movie. But we knew this was all real.

The fire department and the police rushed to the scene, the former deploying its force to douse fires and rescue those from the two buildings, the latter trying to maintain some semblance of order while helping the firemen however they could. We couldn't see much of their activity, but I could guess some New Yorkers willingly came to their aid if they could.

There must have been billions of people who saw the news. Everybody must have felt terrified to witness something so tragic unfold before their eyes. I was young then, but I knew how significant this event was to the world. But I didn't know it's impact would be far from that.

Then they began to collapse - the South Tower went first, and some time later its twin followed it into oblivion. The dust that billowed from their downfall swallowed up the streets of New York City, enveloping the surrounding areas with a thick fog that reduced visibility to near zero.

It was heart-wrenching, to say the least. We went to bed, thoughts racing through our minds. I wondered how the world would change after this shattering event.

The next day, we got the bigger picture: the crashes at the Pentagon and in Shanksville, Pennsylvania; al-Qaeda's brash admission to these heinous acts; Bush's address to the American people, promising retribution; and many other reports and articles. The world was obviously shaken. Many sent their condolences, while others condemned the attacks. There were mixed responses, I know, but many were unheard - unless you were on the Net at that time. I'm sure there are just as many who salute the suicide bombers as there are those branding them terrorists.

But that's the most I remember of 9/11 ten years ago. I was just nine, but I could tell the implications it brought were major. Now, as I follow current developments, I realize that 9/11 became more than just a terrorist attack: it marked the end of many things, like the West's victory over Communism and, before that, Hitler's fascist reign over Europe. And it also marked the beginning of more world-shaping events, from Operation: Iraqi Freedom and Operation: Enduring Freedom, to the United States' deteriorating image among other countries and the recent Arab Spring, among other things.

It's been said that Osama bin Laden had planned the attacks to achieve these very changes. He may have hoped the US' overrreaction to 9/11 would ultimately lead to their downfall. And it seemed to have worked.

It doesn't matter that they are the most powerful nation in the world; now they're waist deep in debt, and their standing with many of the world's nations has dropped significantly since the War on Terror. President Obama should realize he isn't just fighting for the confidence of his fellowmen in the next election: he also needs to regain the globe's confidence in this once-mighty superpower.

In fact it doesn't just end there: conspiracy theories, anti-Islam sentiments (especially the controversy over Cordoba House, to be built at the site of Ground Zero - which, thankfully, has been resolved peacefully), torture of prisoners, the East's steady economic rise, Osama's death in his Islamabad mansion - this and so many more came as a result of 9/11 - the anti-Islamic sentiments especially (and not forgetting the growing anti-American movement in most Islamic countries because of the US' invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan) being one of the bigger centrepieces.

Show Me The Meaning...

...of true suffering
...of being lonely
...of psychological torture
...of love
...of hate
...of willpower
...of true friendship
...of strength
...of spiritual rebirth
...of sweet success
...of pain
...of misery
...of poverty
...of dread
...of despair
...of being close to Death
...of great burdens
...of talent
...of perseverance
...of patience
...of determination
...of stamina
...of trust
...of the past, of the present, and of the future

If I knew what they really mean to a man, mayhaps I may understand what it means to suffer - and what it takes to break from the bonds of suffering.

Oh that my grief were thoroughly weighed, and my calamity laid in the balances together!For now it would be heavier than the sand of the sea: therefore my words are swallowed up.For the arrows of the Almighty are within me, the poison whereof drinks up my spirit: the terrors of God do set themselves in array against me.~ Job 6:2-4

Thoughts

I read Deborah's recent blog post and I must say I was surprised by her revelation.

But it also reminds me of the sad truth we face: we live in loneliness.

We surround ourselves with friends and loved ones, but in the end if we still remain alone it kind of defeats the purpose. It's like an irony - you have so many friends but yet you remain in solitude. It contradicts your outward looks.

But hey, who really knows the real you?

Is there a cure to this?

Thoughts

Expressing oneself is difficult. While we wish to be heard in the midst of the crowd, not a lot of people actually appreciate it. Being self-centred, they tend to absorb themselves in the belief that no one but them is correct. And most times, not a lot of others actually pay attention. Both reasons are among others on why the world isn't what I hoped it would be.

I daresay that we actually pay heed to the matter, what with all the other stuff we need to focus on.

Me, I'd say communicating still does seem hard. It's not that I can't. It's more of a worry of "saying something at the wrong time in the wrong place". But that's not all. There are probably more reasons as to why I find it hard to communicate. Don't get me wrong, you guys are great people. But, I have to admit there are times when I wonder if we're ever actually REALLY listening to each other. Myself included.

And communicating about ourselves - that's another story. I can tell you I always approach my friends when I'm in doubt or troubled. The advice I get is sound, but most times I always wonder if there could be a better answer waiting out there. But one has to keep looking, or else he may not find it.

And it's not surprising if people misunderstand me. It's normal to, just like how I misunderstand others-  whether by accident or otherwise. I just have to go on and hope an action would make them change their minds.

Life goes on, though. We had best make use of the time we have left.

Cheers for now.

Stand Up And Fight!

Got problems? Everybody faces one or more every day.

But trying to share them to a friend or loved one? To us, that's a herculean task.

What really prevents us from sharing our deepest - and sometimes, darkest - secrets, mostly those involving ourselves? Is it our ego? Our selfishness? The very fact no one can be trusted? Is it really hard to be honest with another to find a solution to our problems?

The way I see it, having others come to terms with our problems might not seem a plausible choice. Like I said, everyone has problems. Even if we wanted to shed light on our internal crises, could they be of help? As There is a quote: "Everyone you meet is fighting a battle." There are some times when reinforcements may not be the sole reason a battle is won. In the end, the good fight has to come from within.

I admit that I can't help approaching my friends for answers to my questions. I do it often, because the answers I provide are inconclusive. My peers may just provide me with the details I need to get on the right track. And I can tell you now that I don't always come clean with my own family. They are already burdened with other matters revolving around the family.

Up to one point in my life, I've been doing a heck load of griping and complaining. I was a pessimist those days. (And I still think I haven't resolved this fully) But it dawned on me that everyone is fighting a battle. It's not always about myself. (Though I can tell you I still have difficulty in trying to turn old habits around. Kinda like teaching an old dog new tricks) If I had kept myself from expanding my horizons, I may have become an introvert.

So I try to change. It's no easy task, but one needs to try.

But problems are a part of life. As much as I hate to sound like a hypocrite (or something else), it's inescapable. And not to mention a crucial piece in our self-development. Don't laugh at that. It's true. Ask any successful person and he/she will tell you they had to go through numerous learning experiences or opportunities of growth to reach where they are now. What they don't mention is that they never use the term "failure" to describe their experience.

Shouldn't we change our attitudes to problems?

While I don't deny some problems may be too much to handle, or may be too sensitive to be shared, at least have the perseverance and the willpower to stand up to them. If you really can't make it on your own, then by all means hesitate not to ask a friend to help you.

Shouldn't we be standing side by side through hardship?

I leave that final thought to you. Cheers all.

Insights: Why?

On the subject of our previous matter, misinterpretations continue to poison the minds of many under the pretense of what is really "the right thing to do." In fact, it's wrong. Very wrong.

Like how some people say that, by not converting, you have yourself a one-way ticket to Hell. I don't think so. In fact, I beg to differ. Many friends of mine say that no matter who you are, God still loves you the same way He loves us. So why are they using fear to force people to convert, simply because they'll go to Hell if they don't?

It's a matter of choice if someone wishes to convert or not. Do we really expect everyone would want to convert? And do you really think you can get away sin-free for making such false allegations?

Can't we all remember what happened back in America in those days? Discrimination was such a serious topic that stained the history of America with prejudice and unnecessary bloodshed. Malaysia suffered from that very same problem in the sixties. Do we really want to go back to those times?

In fact, there are some people who are hypocrites. They claim themselves to be true to their faith, but their claims are baseless when they indulge in sin and they don't realize it. They think that they're so devout and faithful that they don't realize that they are corrupting the very faith they practise every day. It's not because they are sinful, but they are blinded by what they think is the truth.

Some people, in their haste or zealousness, don't realize that what they do only goes against what it is they practise. For example, you believe that there is good in others, but instead you only see, hear and speak of 'evil' in others. How would you know that that person is truly the Devil's advocate? What real proof do you have that speaks volumes of his/her behavior or principles?

Or you believe trust is the key to good working relationships, but instead you backstab your closest colleague just to get that promotion. Or you believe that everyone is different from you, but instead you're always making comparisons every day. Is that what someone should really do every single day?

What would your God say about such behavior? Can that really be tolerated? If someone did one of the above to you, how would you feel? And how would you react? If you decide that you should fight fire with fire, then I'm afraid you're a lost cause.

Is that really the becoming of a human being? To the extent we give up so much to please our little selves? Whatever happened to compassion, happiness and love for one another? Have they already been forgotten?

I'd say they have been so since a long time ago.

We've come a long way now, but no one seems to have learned from our past mistakes. No one seems to care whether or not it matters. They'd rather live a contented life as they continue to bloat and spoil themselves in the revelries of sin. And even if they don't plague themselves with sin, there are still those who don't realize the mistakes they made and the mess they left behind.

But despite all the negativity that continues to spread like wildfire, I still stay hopefuly that the future will be a bright one. While I admit there are certain quarters who only fill me with a sense of regret - regret in the fact they will never know of change until it's too late - I see a handful of my friends who continue to give me hope, that there still is good in the heart of Mankind. Could we be the last of Man who can redeem itself of its sins? If God does decide that his covenant with Noah has been broken by our actions, would He bring Judgment Day upon us all without hesitation?

Who would He spare in that time?

I can only pray that, in time, I will have the answers I seek.

Insights

People tend to contradict the words of others and turn them into a whole new meaning. Whether by accident or otherwise, this occurence may lead to disastrous results if left alone. We can easily see it happening all around us, be it here in the country or somewhere abroad.

Because of these ignorant parties, words or phrases that mean no harm at all can suddenly become insulting, defamatory or slanderous to others that lead to unwanted consequences. Haven't we learned from our mistakes? And if that's not enough, when asked to apologize, these people defiantly justify their actions or words that it only enrages the opposing side even further. Nobody ever considers a more peaceable approach to solving the matter immediately. The long tirades of insults will continue for centuries to come.

And let's not forget the bigger problems that stem from their need of justification; war, riots, political turmoil - the list goes on.

In fact, in the Exodus, it is mentioned how, after Moses and Aaron bade to Pharaoh to let the people of God go, Pharaoh told all his taskmasters and officers:

"Ye shall no more give the people straw to make brick, as heretofore: let them go and gather  straw for themselves. And the tale of the bricks, which they did make heretofore, you shall lay upon them; you shall not diminish ought thereof: for they be idle; therefore they cry, saying, 'Let us go and sacrifice to our God.' Let there more work be laid upon the men, that they may labour therein; and let them not regard vain words." (Exodus 5:7-9)

And from there, the Israelites continued to suffer.

While Moses brought God's word to Pharaoh, that Pharaoh should let the Israelites go in peace, Pharaoh may have thought Moses was planning to lead a revolution against the Egyptians. Because he did not see how he had brought misery to the Israelites by enslaving them, Pharaoh believed that he had to control them further by tightening his grip over the Israelites. The same picture might just happen in the near future.

But we're not here to discuss of the bigger picture. Instead, we should look at it from the personal point-of-view. Everything starts here: from ourselves. So if we want to really change the world, we need to change ourselves.

To see how we inevitably lead ourselves to self-destruction is a saddening sight indeed. How we tend to believe in only ourselves. How we choose to alter the words of others, or in our beliefs and principles. How we do not want to tolerate others. Or not to live a compassionate life. Or to ignore the cries of anguish from the lost, the least and the lonely. Don't we get it? And when will we get it?

Nobody can truly justify what is true and what is false. Everyone holds a certain stand to a certain topic, and it may not be so easy to change their mindset. Like how a victim of rape may see all men as lustful monsters, or an ex-convict seeking to atone his sins may not be welcomed back into society. Hardline stances are hard to change when they do not have a valid reason into actions or events that will change them. We are a difficult bunch to please.

And let's not forget there will be detractors. They will always find some way to stand for the things they believe is 'right'. But again, what is right and what is wrong to Man? Does it satisfy the requisites as mentioned in your beliefs or religion? Does it seem logically sound? How we accept the information is up to what influences us. It is just like when St. John Baptist De La Salle faced the 'Writing Masters', those who preached the old ways of education, in court numerous times. The Writing Masters saw La Salle as a threat to their sovereignty as the only ones who were fit to educate the young. And because they did not want to change, to conform to something that was truly righteous, they went against La Salle many times.

The question that remains is whether we truly sate everyone's wants and needs. There is, without a doubt, no real way to substantiate this claim. We all have our own wishes and desires. But if we can open our hearts to the reality that no one is wrong in what they believe in, mayhaps the world would be so much more peaceful. The longer our misunderstandings remain, the deeper our enmity with one another.

I do not think our respective God wanted us to live this way.

Insights: Self-Esteem

There's this American program called "Style By Jury", where every week a random woman (I don't know whether men are involved) is selected to undergo a week-long makeover. But before and after the makeover, a randomly chosen jury is selected to give their first-hand impressions about the person; before the makeover, this would be somewhat of motivation to the person in question to go through the makeover. After the makeover, a new jury would give their thoughts to see just how much the person has changed in the week.

I find the premise interesting. Apart from changing the person's look, they also have life coaches to help build up the person's self-esteem and confidence levels to an all-time high. Mind you, the people they select aren't just regular women. They really NEED help. Not just in terms of fashion, but also in building up their confidence.

It gets me to think of building self-esteem. One thing you should note: self-esteem is one's level of confidence, and this applies to almost everything. Whether it's making friends, doing a project, presenting a slideshow or something else, there has to be a measure of self-esteem in doing them. Yes, even making friends. If you're an introvert (usually possessing low levels of self-esteem) you'd definitely find it hard to talk to people. If you have low self-esteem, there isn't much that you'd be able to do. You'll be hiding yourself from everyone that they won't see the real potential inside of you. Won't that be a waste?

But how do we go about building it up? Well it doesn't take a six-year old to answer that. It's pretty obvious who you go to to do so. But what's more important is that you open yourself to the entire concept. If you shut yourself from the experts, you're not going to go anywhere.

I have a friend of mine who faces this problem. He's got a problem communicating properly with people - save me - and he just can't seem to get along with many. Apart from that, he comes from a broken family, and that only reinforces his introversion. (I'd love to give more details, but I would prefer to keep his identity secret. If you know that I mean you, please don't despair! Read on and it will definitely help you out)It's difficult to actually persuade him to the notion of building up his confidence, believing himself, things like that. Knowing him for a long time, I've tried long and hard to actually drill the concept into his head but I've had little to no success. It breaks my heart to see someone like him live so close to the edge and feel so helpless at the same time.

It's all up to him now. If I can't get him to see it my way, he will have to do it the hard way. And going it the hard way isn't as easy as accepting it earlier. It's not an impossible feat. But it does require more willpower to take that first step.

I admit that I have confidence issues myself. I won't go into detail, but I do my very best to try and maintain a good level. Who would deny it's important? If you're going to keep your doors closed forever, how are you expected to make a living? Feed the family? Expand your business horizons? Things like that? Don't you want to do just that?

There are still ways to go about building confidence without forking out so much cash just to see professionals. Take a good look in the mirror every day and tell yourself that you CAN do it. Attend leadership camps your university or school offers. Don't be afraid to speak your mind. As long as you hold onto a positive mindset, you're already on your way. So don't hesitate!

Cheers!

Insights: Of Tolerance and Opinions

Just recently I received a religious joke and, I admit, found it funny. But when I shared it with another, she was offended.

So before I continue I humbly apologize to anyone else who shares the same sentiments as this friend of mine. I've learned well from the experience.

It made me think about tolerance: what do we really tolerate? And in the context of sensitive issues such as this, how much CAN we tolerate?

It is undeniable that tolerance is a virtue. With it, we can actually put up with the numerous behaviors Man can provide - no matter how absurd or horrifying it may be. Some people have the tolerance level of a Zen monk. Some others are gravely offended by even the smallest of quirks. Some let it slide. Others find it difficult to forgive and forget.

But what do we tolerate?

For some, tolerance is invaluable. Certain quarters (usually a very small minority of the world's population) find it very easy to just brush something aside as light-hearted humor. Despite the message it may carry, or the implications it may bring in the long run, these men and women can just laugh it off and forget about it almost immediately so that they can avoid unwanted confrontations that can end even the strongest of friendships. How these people actually hold up to even some of the most insulting remarks is beyond anyone's comprehension. Some would call them "not right in their heads," but they're just as normal as you and I.

There have been instances where people who have a high amount of tolerance can turn things around to work for him. Enemies can become friends, bad situations turn into good ones, etctera. While these may sound like they come from some hit TV dramas, they are a reality. It's just that we've never seen it happen before, nor have we experience something like it. It's something like friends having a blast from poking fun at a fellow buddy, but at the end of the day they still go out for a drink and share lots of laughs without caring of what they said.

You might say it's nothing to do with tolerance. But believe me, if you look closely it's very deeply intertwined in that example.

On the other side of the fence though, there still exists handfuls of people who take offense pretty easily. It's not that they have no sense of humor or because they're overly-sensitive. It's the same as how some people prefer chocolate ice cream and others strawberry ice cream. (Personally I enjoy both!) They just have different opinions about what is being discussed, for isn't that what separates us from the rest? So while you might enjoy Russell Peter's antics as he seemingly insults numerous races across the globe, some may find it grossly racist. To them, making such jokes does not have any logical rational or even simply for comedy's sake. But should we really blame them?

The pro-tolerance people would shrug it off and get on with life. The opposites would definitely find lots to complain about, or would prefer to quietly keep it to themselves. IF you do want to tell me that you're either going with the former or the latter or, perhaps, just sit on the fence, I got no say to your choice. When it comes to tolerance, our choice of opinions matter most.

In a world where the little things could spark the largest of conflicts, it's no surprise that we have a very equal number of opposites in the subject of thinking. It's not like I want to separate Man into two or more separate camps in the school of thought, but merely point out everyone has their opinions on anything. If you ask anyone the same question, you're bound to get a lot of different answers to it. It's unavoidable. Everyone has their say, depending on their beliefs and principles.

If I ask you about euthanasia (mercy killing/pulling the plug; this shall be discussed in a later article) I'm definitely sure you have your thoughts. Some of you may agree that patients have a right to choose whether to live or not; some of you will feel death is not the final solution. It's all a matter of opinion. (Though on the subject of euthanasia, I have my doubts on the implications of legalizing it. More later)

As I was about to finish this up, I decided to ask my friend (the one whom I had told the joke to) of her opinion on the matter. She said: "Well, I would give that person the look and say that's not nice. Not because I'm religious but as a person with some common sense, we shouldn't make fun of people's beliefs."

So to end this topic, I would like to ask you the same question I asked her: if a friend of yours were to make a religious/racist joke - note that the term is JOKE, not REMARK, please; there is a large difference between both terms - and did not actually mean to insult or offend any parties, how would you react - especially if your religion/race is mentioned? Would you pass it off as 'comedy', or would you reprimand your friend for being so insolent? What is the reason for your reaction?

Do leave me your honest opinions after reading this. Your insights will help me understand the topic further and, maybe, we shall discuss it in depth. Cheers!

Insights

Local actress Ida Nerina herself is going through a challenge of her own. I'd only recently found out she's now wheelchair bound after reading her inaugural fortnightly article in the Star some time ago. But despite that, she doesn't let it bother her at all. In fact, she describes her current situation as something as an eye-opener to many new truths.

From her two articles published, she has already highlighted about how common prejudice towards the handicapped is in Malaysia - a sad truth - and the importance of staying strong and living each day like it were your last. Reading those articles makes me wonder: "Why can't we all see the light of our errors?"

We've been caught up with our so-called lives at such a hectic and rushed pace till we don't realize how important it is for us to slow down and relax. Only until we encounter a serious or life-changing problem do we actually see how much time we've actually wasted in the process of wasting our years. For those who still have years left in them, there is still time to make the U-turn. Else, do what you can to turn things around for the better before it's too late.

We're all only human. If we really could do so much in so little time, we would be more than mere mortals. In fact, the world wouldn't be where it is now. But I guess we're on our own. The future is still salvageable, as long as we can see there is still hope. And do something about it as well.

Cheers everyone.

Listen Up!

TO EVERY MAN AND WOMAN WHOSE LIFE HAS BEEN WASTED FOR NOTHING

I am appalled.

In fact, I am deeply ashamed that you call yourself a human. I will tell you right now that, for your stupidity, you are nothing more but a misbegotten creature.

Honestly, I cannot fathom why one such as you would end up in this state. I had believed that, as mature young minds, you would be able to understand your responsibility as a part of this society. But I suppose my doubts - and my fears - were proven true after all.

You need not say a word. Your very mistake has not only cost the society, it has also impacted yourself in a profound way. Specifically, how are people going to entrust you with a responsibility when you always put it off to someone else? Your role carries as much weight as the rest, but you fail to see the error of your ways no matter how obvious it may be. Doubtlessly, you would carry this blame back to them - or perhaps curse behind their backs for causing you this trouble.

Speak not a word. All of you are the same. One mere mistake and lo and behold, your gripes leave your very lips, poisoning the minds of other uneducated fools such as yourself. You think yourself the greater, do you? When comes the time for God to judge your sins, I would like to see you explain yourself.

I was once like you: going about with life as I complained about every little thing that bothered me. But I began to realize all that is for naught. I started to believe in many good things in life. I believe that we all have a responsibility towards each other, whether or not it is directly related to us. I believe that by upholding the many virtues and values preached in religion, we can all stand united despite our religious differences. I believe we were born to love our neighbours, despite our weaknesses. I believe that we were not meant to bear ill will towards each other - forgiveness is divine, isn't it? God created us to serve a better purpose to one another for everyone's good - unlike your lot.

I see it deep in your soul, how you have failed your fellow men and women for being such an impudent imbecile, unaware of the truth that binds us all. You are blinded in your own judgments, your 'worries', your anger, that you fail to see the reality is far from that.

What reality, you ask? Look around you: the world is on the brink of annihilation. We should actually grasp the truth that unless we do something quick, we will have no home to live in anymore. We need to recognize that all the luxuries we want are only leading us to decadence, and that our arrogance and inherent mistrust of others are only widening a rift between each of us that can never be mended. Can't you see this? Can't you understand there's more at risk right now than your shortage of wanton excesses?

You think that you have issues? Tell that to the legions of starving children in Africa. Tell that to the people whose loved ones perished in natural disasters, or even at the hands of others. Tell that to the millions of homeless that dot the globe. You think they have it any easier than you? You think they can enjoy a life of promise? Do you think so? Wake up, you spineless fool! If you really thought living your life is meaningless, then what about these people?

These people continue with their lives. Many of them know it is difficult. It strains them to the very bone. But they have hope. They can still bear to smile, even when it hurts them so. They still cling on to even the smallest sliver of hope that they can find. Despite the setbacks, despite the inhumanities and the atrocities committed in the name of 'the greater good,' these individuals press onwards. Why doesn't anyone take a hint?

And you? What have you done for your kind? While untold millions whose names you will never know die every second - EVERY SECOND - out of hunger, we sit in posh restaurants and spend money just to devour a large portion of food, and half of that amount gets tossed into the garbage piles to be eaten by rats. And that happens every single day. While millions more live in total darkness, never to enjoy the wonders of electricity, we sit in our homes and waste thousands of dollars a year in wastage. Wastage that will never ever come back or be recycled. While some people walk barefoot miles just to get to school or work and then back home, unable to afford a car - let alone a motorcycle - but nevertheless content, we drive fancy cars which we change occasionally and continue to spew detrimental smoke into the air and pollute it even further. And think of its implications to our overall health.

Have we ever given thought to the implications of all the shit we've thrown around? Have we ever thought that we needed to put our foot down and stop all this nonsense together? Why are we still living like this? It all stems from the tyrants, the rapscallions, the doubters, the skeptics, the madmen; people who think themselves as superior as compared to everyone else. This is the big picture. If you still fail to see it, you should not consider yourself a man.

Now you say you regret? Then let that regret gnaw at your soul for eternity until you can atone for your faults. You deserve no better fate than that. But how am I to know what you say is the truth? People make promises and assurances, but many times they fail to keep their word. When others ask them to fulfil their word, they say that they will. Over and over again, this cycle continues. And in the end? Nothing is done. All their pledges were only full of hot air. Are you going to make that mistake as well?

I am in no position to decide your fate. I'll leave that to God to deliver His judgment unto you. As much as I do wish God would punish you so that you will see your wrongs, I want to remind you that it is delivered for you to learn and repent. Everyone wants a second chance; you should not be barred from such an opportunity. The world is made up of people, in the end, and every one - you included - needs to start something and end all this unnecessary suffering once and for all. It can start simply from yourself. So long as you have an honest heart to make amends, redemption is certain. Do it grudgingly, and only God can save you. If He decides you worthy to be saved.

I am done with you, you miserable wretch. Now get out of my sight, and pray that you will find the chance to prove yourself the better and change your attitude. If not, so help me, there will be no way I shall forgive you for your crimes against Humanity.

Entries

Change

Change is a constant

Change is unpredictable

Change is crucial

How many of us

How many deny its worth

In this growing world?

Is not change

The very tool that brought us

To where we are now?

Change is good

Change is bad

Change comes

But how you change

Is your choice alone

We embrace change

But

Only in the most dire of situations

When hope seems lost

But can we encourage change

By other means?

Through our own belief

That change is good?

How much do we change?

Do we go for

A major reshuffle

Or go with

Removing just the bad eggs?

What needs short-term change?

What needs long-term change?

What needs repair?

What needs continuity?

There are many advocates

Who call for change

They come in numbers

As they cry out for

A change in the government

To a change in lifestyle

For the environment's sake

Oh, everyone believes

Change will make things better

Is not change important?

Certainly so

But are we willing to?

I believe

Change is a must

To adapt

In a cruel world

That teeters on the edge

Of self-destruction

But to change completely

One must have faith

And perseverance

To go on this long road

Change is never easy

But successful change

Pays in dividends

A worthwhile investment

In the long run

I am an example of change

I have seen my life

Turn around

For the better

Although

There are yet still hurdles

To be overcome

And inner demons

To battle with

But I cannot give in

Never can I admit defeat

For if I do

It will be my undoing

The chance the Devil needs

To damn my soul for eternity

In the bowels of Hell

Can I give him that chance?

NEVER

So I pen it all down

Steeling my resolve

Strengthen my faith

Strengthen my beliefs

Hold fast to my principles

Become who I want to be

Become a successful changed man

Become

Who I truly am

Entries

Yes? No? What then?

Answers!

I need answers

Not more questions

And who said anything

About questions being the answers?

That's not the case

Not in this context

'tis a rainy day

Raindrops pattering

On the window

Visibility is poor

I cannot even see

The view of the countryside

That the train passes by

Where did this rain cloud come from?

No matter

I need a solution

Now, if possible

The stranger's cryptic remarks

Always leave me dangling

Wanting more

But none I receive

Such an illusive man

I had hoped

He would be here

To tell me what I missed

To guide me the right way

But he does not show

And thankfully

Nor the Devil

In our previous conversation

He had mentioned

I lacked something

And if I found it

It may mean

My life would be complete

I knew what he had hinted at

But I told myself

"No more!

'tis not for one such as I

I am unfeeling no more

All I am

Is but a shadow of my former self

And so I shall remain

Forever"

The stranger would not agree

With my statement

IF he were here

He always believes

In second chances

But I?

I do not take chances so easily

Unless I believe in the outcome

Which in this case

I don't

I drum my fingers on the sill

Gazing out

At the rain

Harley on the seat opposite me

Watching me

With his cute blue eyes

Perhaps wondering

If I am alright

But he does not comprehend

How complicated we humans are

Complicated?

Or making things complicated?

Both, I suppose

Long ago

I was like the others

Just like my friends

Those I believe are the lucky few

I thought I was complete

I thought, finally

I had something I only dreamed of having

A treasure

Though incomparable to family

But nevertheless

A treasure

But in the end

I lost it

I died

So to speak

I failed

I fell from grace

(So to speak)

And now

Here I stand

Unwilling to return to such days

The past shall remain so

And I shall see to it

Aye, they were good times

But that was then

This is now

I cannot return to those days

For returning

Will only cause me

More anguish

More trouble

And trouble was never my friend

But day in, day out

The question bugs me

The stranger's comments bug me

How he continues to remind me

By accident

That the road is far from over

"You may have been hurt,"

He had said

"But that does not mean

It will define you in future

We cannot control fate

But we should not let fate

Master our very lives

Ere you condemn yourself

To a life of suffering

For eternity"

So yes? No? What then?

I pen it all down

Skeptical about the matter

Skeptical about the truth

If it is the truth

If it is what I lack

If it is possible

To return to those days

If

Insights

Flipping through the recent edition of the ODJ, I had a flash of inspiration: add quotes sourced from religions across the world (if not the minor ones, then at least the major ones will do) in my posts. Well, depending on the context I intend to use it with.

I don't know. Personally, if one can find inspiration from their respective religious scriptures, then surely it should be shared. Rather than waste our time fighting each other we should be doing more good in the name of our respective gods. Tolerance is a better solution than confrontation.

On to today's topic:

There is a story in Buddhist circles, when the Buddha held up a flower in front of an audience of 1250 monks. He did not say anything for quite a while. Suddenly, he smiled. He smiled because someone in the audience, a monk named Mahakashyapa, smiled at him and the flower he was holding. The monk was the only person who smiled, and the Buddha then said, "I have a treasure of insight and I have transmitted it to Mahakashyapa."

Indeed, many Buddhists continue to wonder what was the meaning behind the story. But, according to the Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh, the meaning is simple: when you are given a flower to admire, the person offering it to you wants you to see it - not think about it, not ponder about it, but just to see it. If you kept on thinking about it, you miss the flower. 'The person who is not thinking,' Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh says, 'but just being himself, will be able to encounter the flower in depth.'

Does that ring a bell? In conclusion: the more we're not living in the present, the more we will miss. We shouldn't keep ourselves so preoccupied in our problems and worries; sometimes, we should just let them slide. Then we will realize life is truly a beautiful experience. Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh also has this to add:

"Living in peace is something we all want. But I would like to ask: Do we have the capacity of enjoying peace? If peace were here would you be able to enjoy it... or would you find it boring? To me, peace, happiness, joy and life all go together, and we can experience them right in the present moment. It is always available to us but if we are not able to experience it, how can we make peace grow?

"When I have a toothache, I discover that not having a toothache is a wonderful experience. That is peace. I had to have a toothache in order to be enlightened, to know that not having it is wonderful. My non-toothache is peace, is joy. But when I do not have a toothache, I do not seem to be happy. So if I look deeply into the present moment, I will understand and appreciate that if I don't have a toothache, it should indeed make me very happy. 

"I know a doctor who lost her eyesight... To her, to be able to see again would be a miracle. She says that she would be in paradise if she could recover her eyesight. Based on this incident, most of us would already be in paradise because we have eyes capable of seeing. When we open our eyes, we can see the blue sky... lovely flowers, and beautiful children. But are we happy with ourselves? So we need to remind ourselves to be mindful that we have eyes to appreciate the beauty of life."

Think about it. Cheers, all.

Entries

I cradle my head in my hands

There is pain

Hurt

Resentment

So much mental torture

It's agonizing

It's too much to handle

Silently I weep

Why?

Why does this happen?

No matter what I do

No matter how hard I try

Inevitably

It only leads me back to sorrow's arms

Defeated is the purpose

Of embracing change

For it all becomes naught

In the end

"Wipe away those tears, young one

It isn't the end yet

If it were the end

Then there would be more for you

To cry about

When there is no more time

To do what is needed"

The stranger patted my back

As he sighs

At the sight of miserable me

"I can't understand,"

I tell him

"I tried so hard

I tried so many times

I tried everything

But it all goes to waste

It's as though

My fate has been sealed"

He smiled sadly

"Listen carefully

When the road gets harder to climb

It's no surprise we fall down

It will happen eventually

Maybe you weren't watching your footing

Maybe a rock got in the way

There are other possibilities anyway"

"But of course

When you feel like

The road has reached its end

The journey draws to a close

When, in reality, it hasn't

And you just want to stop

Make wherever you are

Your final stop

It's hard to resist the call"

He placed his hand

Firmly

On my shoulder

I turn to face him

"Are not your friends around

To help you up again?

Remember

Your journey must not necessarily

Be a lonely one

You need a few comrades

Who you can turn to

Lean on them

When you're not strong

They are your friends, aren't they?

They will see to it

That you carry on eventually"

"Look on the bright side!"

He exclaimed with joy

"It won't be long

Before you finally realize

All that worry

All that pain

All that so-called suffering

Are only illusions

Of course

You will definitely need

Somebody

Or some people

To lean on

Trust me"

He had a point

He always had a point

I nod

A little uneasy

But I will trust him

His wisdom is truly a gift

That I should treasure

"Besides,"

He added

With a smirk

"You could use

More than just a friend

To keep you going"

I blinked

Somewhat confused

But he sat there no longer

As he is known to do

He hinted at it

Didn't he?

Maybe he has an explanation

Until then

I don't think I need it

So I pen it all down

As I recall the stranger's advice

Wondering if he's right

Wondering if I really am

Missing out something

Missing out that feeling

Missing

Entries

Frustration

Anger

Dread

Futility

Another stressful day

Full of nothing

But stress

My brain cannot take it no more

It's all going

Down a void

In my head

I wish

I could just relax

All day long

But

I do not have that luxury

Life put paid to such luxuries

But it isn't just that

Anti-social feelings

Hatred and rage

Well up in me

Unavoidably

There are just days

When I ask myself

"Why am I still here

When this world

Has nothing for me?"

Strange as it may sound

This is not the first time

It has happened

But I believe it's normal

When we feel

Downcast

Grieved

Unhappy

Over what happens to us

That we wonder

If there still is purpose

For us

It's inevitable

That we get caught up

In the ruckus

Of all that happens around us

Whether or not

It affects us

Directly

Or indirectly

Discouragement

Disappointment

Resentment

Humiliation

Depression

Discontentment

Disapproval

Mistrust

Negativity spreads

Like a plague

It infects us

Deep in our hearts

And gnaws away

At our conscience

Until we are consumed

By its pestilence

At which

There is no way to redeem oneself

There is no definite vaccine

To this affliction

We can only do

All that in our power

To ensure it does not propagate

It takes will

Courage

Belief

And of course

Faith

To overcome it

A rational mind

Is a healthy mind

For a moment of laxity

Can mislead one

To a lifetime of sin

We are merely human

Such proclivities

To turn to our dark sides

Are hard to resist

Yet again

The machinations of the Devil

In all its subtlety

Take heart

Stand firm

And if ever it may happen again

Do not despair

It is not the end

The end

Is when you believe

You never ever began

In the first place

So I pen it all down

Silently praying for a cure

Silently praying this, too, shall pass

Never a predicament

Silently