Thoughts: Forgiving II

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
~ Lewis B. Smedes

This quote rings truth.

Forgiving releases a lot of weight from one's shoulders. But it's not just them who will be relieved. You too benefit from forgiving.

To bear ill will against someone is only going to be the death of you. You pour in so much malice, so much energy, so much thought into hating someone that you don't realize you're actually trapping yourself. It's like going into a cage full of lions, and then locking yourself in with them and throwing the key away.

How would you feel if, somehow, you and your closest friend suddenly had a terrible row and the both of you would not forgive each other? If you were in the wrong, but you failed to admit your fault on your part, how would you feel? And if you regretted and begged for forgiveness, but none was given, how would you feel then?

I know a few of you who are in such a position, or instead may be the offended party. Isn't it time for the bridges to be mended? How long are you going to poison your heart and mind? To what extent will you finally give them forgiveness?

You may tell me it doesn't affect you at all. Does it now? When you look back at your life and realize you'd made the mistake of not forgiving someone for something he/she has done wrong AND could have been easily forgiven, now that you're the wiser? What would you have to say to yourself?

Heed my warning. Let bygones be bygones. Even when it hurts, grant them forgiveness.

Here's a true story (from the Reader's Digest): a woman from the Phillipines by the name of Anna once celebrated Christmas with two orphan kids - seven-year old Orly, and ten-year old Virgie. They had so much fun in the three days they were to stay with them, that her parents called the orphanage to ask for an extension. They got three extra weeks. What fun!

Soon enough, there was talk about adopting them. Young Anna soon realized that with them permanently in the family, all the attention would go to them. She wouldn't have any of it. So she did the unthinkable (for a child of age 11, it seemed a good idea): she began to sideline herself from the family. The ploy worked, and both the orphans went back to the orphanage. The both of them called and called, begging to be adopted, but it was too late. Anna's father feared she would isolate herself again. They never got to adopting them. They didn't dare.

It wasn't until years later that Anna found out about those calls. In her words, "the guilt cut through my insides. I wondered how my immaturity changed their lives." I can't imagine how their lives would have changed, for better or worse.

Anna tried tracing them, but to no avail. It seemed as though they disappeared from the face of the earth.

Anna sums it all up in her final paragraph:

"My only hope of making contact with them is if one day,... a man would in some vague way recognize me. Maybe he would approach and tell me that I seem familiar. I'd look into his eyes and say, "Why yes, we've met. I'm from the family that promised salvation but never followed through." And I'd tell him, "Orly, I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry."

Think about it. Cheers all.

"When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future."
~ Bernard Meltzer

Thoughts: Forgiving I

"My desire is to be a forgiving, non-judgmental person."
~ Janine Turner

That is what I hope to be one day. It's not an easy path, but I'll get there.

But it's hard to forgive someone, isn't it? We justify ourselves that he/she is in the wrong and I am right. But if a person doesn't make any mistakes, he isn't a mortal anymore - he's God!

I'd say, in terms of faith, God didn't make us perfect for a reason. It's so that we learn from our mistakes and use that experience to make things better in future. In terms of science, logical reasoning needs to mature over time, and thus mistakes we make are only signs that our minds are still growing.

(Correct me if I'm wrong in any of these topics)

After all, to err is human and to forgive is divine. It's best to have at most one enemy than only one friend. Besides, if you and your enemy are the last people alive, how do you expect to rely on each other to survive?

Cheers.

Insights: Why?

On the subject of our previous matter, misinterpretations continue to poison the minds of many under the pretense of what is really "the right thing to do." In fact, it's wrong. Very wrong.

Like how some people say that, by not converting, you have yourself a one-way ticket to Hell. I don't think so. In fact, I beg to differ. Many friends of mine say that no matter who you are, God still loves you the same way He loves us. So why are they using fear to force people to convert, simply because they'll go to Hell if they don't?

It's a matter of choice if someone wishes to convert or not. Do we really expect everyone would want to convert? And do you really think you can get away sin-free for making such false allegations?

Can't we all remember what happened back in America in those days? Discrimination was such a serious topic that stained the history of America with prejudice and unnecessary bloodshed. Malaysia suffered from that very same problem in the sixties. Do we really want to go back to those times?

In fact, there are some people who are hypocrites. They claim themselves to be true to their faith, but their claims are baseless when they indulge in sin and they don't realize it. They think that they're so devout and faithful that they don't realize that they are corrupting the very faith they practise every day. It's not because they are sinful, but they are blinded by what they think is the truth.

Some people, in their haste or zealousness, don't realize that what they do only goes against what it is they practise. For example, you believe that there is good in others, but instead you only see, hear and speak of 'evil' in others. How would you know that that person is truly the Devil's advocate? What real proof do you have that speaks volumes of his/her behavior or principles?

Or you believe trust is the key to good working relationships, but instead you backstab your closest colleague just to get that promotion. Or you believe that everyone is different from you, but instead you're always making comparisons every day. Is that what someone should really do every single day?

What would your God say about such behavior? Can that really be tolerated? If someone did one of the above to you, how would you feel? And how would you react? If you decide that you should fight fire with fire, then I'm afraid you're a lost cause.

Is that really the becoming of a human being? To the extent we give up so much to please our little selves? Whatever happened to compassion, happiness and love for one another? Have they already been forgotten?

I'd say they have been so since a long time ago.

We've come a long way now, but no one seems to have learned from our past mistakes. No one seems to care whether or not it matters. They'd rather live a contented life as they continue to bloat and spoil themselves in the revelries of sin. And even if they don't plague themselves with sin, there are still those who don't realize the mistakes they made and the mess they left behind.

But despite all the negativity that continues to spread like wildfire, I still stay hopefuly that the future will be a bright one. While I admit there are certain quarters who only fill me with a sense of regret - regret in the fact they will never know of change until it's too late - I see a handful of my friends who continue to give me hope, that there still is good in the heart of Mankind. Could we be the last of Man who can redeem itself of its sins? If God does decide that his covenant with Noah has been broken by our actions, would He bring Judgment Day upon us all without hesitation?

Who would He spare in that time?

I can only pray that, in time, I will have the answers I seek.

Words

Time is going by

So much faster than I

And I'm starting to regret

Not saying so many things to you

So if I haven't yet

Please listen

I'm leaving so soon

Never had a chance to bloom

And I was too quick

To change my tune

I've been like a rock

An island

Isolated from you, specifically

And I don't care if you don't care

Honestly

I don't know what to say now

Don't know where to start

I don't know how to handle

This complicated heart

On one hand

I am justified

On the other hand

I am wrought with guilt

Guilt of what?

I'm not so sure

Apologies have been said

But have they ever carried their weight?

Sorry has become

A cliché

Overused

An excuse to repeat the same mistakes

Even when I never meant that

It has become a norm

So do I have anything left?

I never imagined

I'd find this chance

But lose myself in the end

I just never pictured it would end

I used to believe in love

I used to believe in something bigger

Than what I had

I wanna go back to the days

The days when I stayed the same

Before all this happened

But don't look back

If I'm a weight around your neck

Haven't I always been?

So goodbye to you

Goodbye to everything

That I do

There was a time so long ago

When you were the one

I tried to hold on to

But say goodbye

Those days are gone

The present harkens us

To focus on more pressing matters

Let's move on

Time and tide

Waits for no one

And we cannot bear

To be swept away

On the tides

I wish you well

Snowed Under By One's Words

I don't know why I waste my time

Getting hung up about the things you say

When I open my eyes and its a lovely day

~ Keane, Snowed Under

Words are only words, are they?

When words insult or hurt us, how do we react to them? Do we tolerate them? Ignore them? Understand them? Be taken aback?

What of the person who said such words? Do we continue to be friends with them? Or do we silently exclude them from our Friends list?

Do we waste our time thinking of repartees to their words? Or should we just let them slide?

In all manners, it's up to us to decide.

Cheers, one and all.

No Time's Alright For Fighting

Why are we wasting our time hurling abuse at each other? Do I have to keep repeating, "Can't we all just get along?" all the time? It pains me to see friends arguing over even the smallest of problems and making it a big one in the end. Sometimes, my heart is filled with the desire to knock some sense into them.

I don't really know much about what caused all this feuding. Preferably, I don't want and don't have to know at all. What I do know is I should try my best to facilitate somewhat of a peace treaty between fighting friends. Seriously, why are we all fighting each other when the energy is best used on more practical things like finishing our assignments and stuff? We are only wasting away the time we have holding grudges, constantly arguing and fighting because in the end we're only making ourselves worse than before.

I've heard that bitter people have a higher tendency to die at an earlier age. So I've heard. It seems that regardless of the time spent on exercising, these individuals are still prone to suffer these complications compared to people who are always interacting peacefully with others. C'mon, if you love yourself just do a little favor and let the enmities subside. It'll do wonders.

Life indeed can be full of surprises, but that should come to no surprise. Truthfully, a family friend said, "Life is simple; we just make it complicated." Sometimes, I find that to be the truth with all of us. In our pursuit for material wealth, we transform and become something that is very unlike what we are now. The materialistic mind-set can get you into trouble if you fall for its tricks, and believe me there are a lot of things Life can throw at you that you've never experienced before.

We've had our fair share of tough days and fighting days. I had many a quarrel with my friends before (well, thankfully not a lot of arguments) but in the end we always forgive and forget and allow Life to resume as usual, with the usual interactions and all. So why not do the same? Or maybe take the initiative to be the forgiving one? Let (both) your troubles fall behind you. Time indeed facilitates our thought-processes if we allow it. (As I mentioned before: PATIENCE)

One problem why we can't seem to mend bridges is mostly because, well, men tend to put their pride above all else. (Maybe except money) Their egotistic nature prevents them from being sensitive to certain issues currently at hand. And sometimes they can even be insensitive to their wife's needs. Or they pursue their careers only and let the wife do everything else like she were a slave? Even when it comes to issues outside the family, there'll be cases. Men have lots of reasons to start a war, and they will start one without hesitation - and it takes men of thought to make sure these conflicts come to a halt. Seriously, guys, can we start using our heads more than our hands to take care of problems?

As for the women, I am not commenting. Not because I'm shy or anything, but it's obvious that I'm NOT a lady, and that prevents me from continuing the comment. If you do have a say on this, do drop by. (If I discover any foul language, implication of insult, resentment between the lines, etc then your post will be off the Wall)

But please! Enough of infighting. Enough of the dissatisfaction, disappointment and hatred with others - let them go. Sure, it's hard to - but then again you'll have to. Tell yourself it's not for the other party, but for your sake. Flawed as we are, it is only human that we make sure all things go back to what they used to be. No more.

Additions: Mending Bridges

I'd like to add to certain things I've said in my post "Part VII of Friendship Eternal: Mending Bridges."

When I mentioned how a simple "Hello" can mean a lot more to a person, I forgot to take into account the overusage of the greeting nowadays. Well, yeah, hellos are part of life as well as signifying a person's polite behavior. But because it's become a common term within the community, even if a person intends to show he cares in one simple "Heya" or "Hi there", some people may not see the underlying message. In some cases, people will notice the difference. But such occurences are a rarity nowadays, except in sudden situations.

We all want to help our friends get back on their feet when they're down, don't we? But if time cannot permit you to give them strong moral support then what can you do rather than say hi?

Well, a light pat on the back or a warm handshake wouldn't hurt. You can do one of these within a few seconds (depending on the other person as well) and then get on with whatever you have to do. And make sure it's genuine too! False motivation can easily be detected (especially sensitive people), and that might not help in any way at all. When you give them generously, they can feel it flow from you and into them, like chi energy.

Another thing would be about rebuilding bridges you have burned; meaning friendships that were around but didn't stay long - mostly due to some problem involving both parties. It's normal to hear of such things happening. But if I were you, many problems don't last forever. You can't always hold a grudge on someone for even an eternity. When these things happen, there are two possibilities to its resolution: both go their separate ways, or they come back to each other apologetically. Me, if I ever have this problem again, I'd want to settle with the latter option.

Most of the time, when we have problems with others it usually takes some time (even up to a few years) before both sides can mend ties again. The fact is, we need to stop putting the blame on each other or the friendship will suffer a great loss. Seriously, we need to take it easy for a bit! We're only pulling ourselves into a black hole where there is no hope for return if we continue hating others. Sure, you may have face problems with him or her; you both may not see eye to eye almost all the time; etc. But how about if it was YOU that's the problem itself? Ah-ha, you might just be Bob/Bobbie!

No one can always see eye to eye on anything. Which is why most arguments begin - because of our differences. Step into their shoes, and you may understand why they see things from their perspective. So it is advised that everyone must solve problems TOGETHER and seeing it through the eyes of another. Tolerance is better than avoidance, after all.

Look, I know it's not easy to do this. But let's take me. I have some issues with my father, and it pains me to see him wage a psychological conflict with my mum. I don't know what caused him to change, but this change isn't making him any better, nor is it making my mum's life any different either. Except lots of resentment and distrust with him now. But in the end, in spite of the fact I hate him, I will have to forgive him. It's a bit of an irony, but it gets the job done. Even though he's bullying the family, digging through our stuff when we're not at home, and all sorts of stuff.  But no matter how much I despise him and his kind, forgiveness is bound to creep in.

God never asked us to be resentful and hateful to one another. If our purpose is to generate hate, we're not going to get anywhere save a closer distance to the realm of eternal suffering. Every person (except conmen) deserves the chance to make a difference in the most honest and capable way possible.

Spend some time thinking these through, and give me your comments too please.

Cheers!

Hmmm.... What Now?

So things have been the same here.

What about you?

Heh, hopefully things'll be OK for me. So far, it's a little fucked up

See you soon. I won't be boring in my next post, trust me. =)

Life Goes On - Post Confession, Day 4

Yeah, Life has to go on.

D'oh!

If not then what's the point in living? Right?

So anybody who knows someone I know too, but I can't seem to contact, please inform them of that post. Thanks. =)

It's important that they get the message.

I'll see you soon.

Updates - Post Confession, Day 4

So, things have finally simmered down. I've settled the Misunderstanding, though probably having its consequences. Nothing I can do for now except pray that things'll be alright.

I'll see you guys soon. =)

An Update - Post Confession

So, how? Will you forgive me? Or do I have to beg it from you?

Let me know, OK?

A Confession: The Real Deal

OK, dear readers, let's play a game. It's called Being Honest, and I assure you it's an easy game to play. All you have to do is tell the truth. That's all.

So let's begin, starting with ME.

Oh, before I continue, allow me to apologize if anything I say hurts your feelings, intelligence or whatsoever. Just be prepared for anything. And don't think I want your sympathies. No; I just want you guys and gals to understand what I'm going through right now. Anyway, a million apologies in advance to all of you for everything I will type out here.

Truth be told, my Life sucks. Heck, it sucks so bad the only way I can let all the suckiness go is to drain it down a black hole for a few months or so. Yeah, you can say it's quite terrible.

Let's see, what do I have that bugs me a lot?

Firstly, studies. There seems to be a lack of spiritual willingness to pick up a book and study, or do continuous revision and in turn help me get good grades in the upcoming SPM. I've like, what, two months or so before the Day comes? So how?

Am I just gonna sit down in front of the computer all day and ignore my studies and my parents' nagging, or do I take a stand (err, I mean a seat) and revise 24/7? Of course it has to be the latter! So what's so hard about doing it? You tell me, 'cause I'm on a need-to-know basis here. If ever I can't seem to do the right thing, does this mean I am a failure? Well, I AM one already, aren't I?

The word 'loser' is written all over my face, just like how 'failure' is written all over Charlie Brown's. I can see them clearly in the mirror. (Thank you to those of you who don't) So what have I gotta do?

(Bro, if you're reading this, I sure could use your help - a lot of it!)

Secondly, my social life. Remember that Misunderstanding I had only recently? Well, I don't think I've really settled it properly. Well, that's what I think.

On this subject, let me ask you an honest question. Remember, you MUST be honest!

OK: do you really really really really HATE my guts? Heck, so much you could just kidnap me and dump me in a black hole? (and coincidentally solving my problems...) BE HONEST WITH ME, PLEASE.

If you do, then there must be some way I can change so that I can still have you as a friend for life. Take the Misunderstanding between me and Sue Jean. (Real names used since this IS a very honest post) I still think that I haven't resolved the matter yet. Have I?

I can only get an answer from her, so for now I'm still quite in the dark. But something tells me that I need to find a way to correct it somehow. I hate myself if ever I say or do something to hurt someone, whether or not I'm justified. In the end I'll always be the one asking for forgiveness and solve the problem. You can ask my friends; they'll attest to it.

I've been continuously attempting to find a way to explain the matter to her, but so far it's been in vain. So now, I make my stand not just to Miss Jean, but to all of you readers. (You too, bro!)

If imperfection was in everyone's genes, then I must have the rare Extremely Imperfect gene that is only found in one out of ten billion people. Everything I do seems to be adversely affecting my life and that of others. Everything I do doesn't please everyone almost everytime. And I mean EVERY SINGLE TIME. Add this with my extreme short-term memory loss, and you have a recipe for disaster.

In this case, what I say never turns out to be the right thing to say. I have had arguments with many of my friends before because of small things that shouldn't even be argued about. I had lost a friend before because of words (coupled with my own foolish actions). I almost lost another because he was nowhere to be found. (Mind you, I carpool with this pal of mine) And now it seems I'm on the verge of losing another.

WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON????

To everyone of you - Sue Jean, Thomas, Ai Yean, Monil, Thean Soong, Leroy, Benjamin, Sara, Timothy, Tihn Chern, Wai Keong, Kelly, and anybody else I know - I deeply apologize for any wrong I have done unto you. I promise you all that I will not make the same mistake again. Just give me reason, but don't give me choice, lest history repeats itself.

I'm in lots of stress right now, so please do be considerate. Remember I'm not looking for sympathy, just your understanding. With your grace, you will be able to build me up into a better person, and the titanic burden I carry in my heart shall be lightened. Long story short, you're helping me greatly. And I will be thankful to you for all eternity.

If you have anything you'd like to add, please do leave your say in my CBox or Comments section. If you prefer to discuss this privately, then you can email me. It should be provided in my Profile.

Thanks for your time, and I'll see you soon. =)

Updates

Dear readers, I bring good news!

I have finally settled the Misunderstanding, and now everything seems alright. It seems I'd misinterpreted her words to be filled with anger, but then again I'd mistaken them. So we both have said our sorries and now we're friends again! Yay! =)

On the next matter, the Trials are almost over, and I can't wait! I'll take a quick break and then I'll be rockin' them beats with the Real Deal! Oh yeah! So wish me luck, yeah?

So, the next post that'll come up will be a review of the movie "Up" from Disney-Pixar and a few stuff to keep you readers happy. In the meantime, I'll see you soon.

Forgiving The Wrongs Of Man

If you remember, dear readers, that recently I have made a public apology to a friend of mine with whom I had did wrong to. I must tell you that I have regretted doing such a thing since I found out about it, and I have already made amends to seek forgiveness.

However, I have yet to receive a reply from her. Yet. I believe she will, but now's not the right time as the Trials are still ongoing. Though I have apologized to her in almost every way possible, I know time is still needed to find a way to forgive, or something. I guess I'll have to wait to say I'm sorry for now.

I'm sure that we've all made mistakes, but the question is: why can't we say sorry when we should?

Normally, when we do wrong we are always inclined to make amends for it. However in this fast growing world there seems to be a lack of it. Why so? How can we prevent this from happening?

If we are to find a way to cure this, one way would be to instill values in the hearts of the young generation now. Doing so will enable us to build a new generation that does apologize for the wrongs they've made, thus building a new age in human growth in all aspects. Heck, world peace would be achieved this way!

I believe so. In time that generation will be born. I just hope it will in time.

Again, a thousand sincere apologies to my dear friend Sue Jean again, the one I have wronged to. I will wait for your reply, and I believe you will reply very soon. I can promise you that it won't happen again in future, as I value every friendship of mine, but I cannot promise that I will become a better person. I'm not as perfect or sweet as you - or any one of you reading this who knows me - had once told me before. I'm sorry.

That's all for now. G'bye.