Looking Back At 2011

2011 is already coming to an end. 'So soon?' you ask. 'But I wasn't even done!' Yes, many of us still feel like the year had just begun. Unfortunately, time has its way of passing by us without us knowing.

In any case, before we bid adieu to 2011, let's just take a quick look back at this tumultuous year and how it's altered life as we know it.

THE ARAB SPRING
One of the biggest world changing events, what began as a demand for a change in the administration of Tunisia had suddenly spread to numerous Middle Eastern countries like Egypt, Syria, Libya and a few other nations. Egypt saw the downfall of Hosni Mubarak's long reign of power, but the country still remains divided as the locals clashed with the military, demanding for fair elections. Syria remains in a volatile state; nobody is certain of what will happen next. Libya is slowly going through a transition period after Gaddafi's untimely death. The Middle East was definitely rocked by the Arab Spring, and the changes that followed were hailed as momentous occasions for different reasons. But I can't help but wonder if it really is over.

DEATH OF THE GREAT LEADER
The sudden death of North Korea's Great Leader put a lot of pressure on the world. What can be expected from his successor, Jong-un, now that he is the new leader of the last true Communist nation in the world? Already he's put all military activity on hold, but whether it's a smokescreen for something bigger or not remains to be seen. While the whole nation weeps and praises the 'divinity' of Jong-il's most favored son, the US and their South Korean allies have tightened security in preparation for what might be 'the next Big One'. I hope that it's not true.

THE COLLAPSE OF AL-QAEDA?
Osama bin Laden, the world's most infamous terrorist, was finally killed by US special forces in his 'secret' home, ending a manhunt for the world's most infamous terrorist and the man who fanned the fire of growing anti-US sentiment when Operation: Iraqi Freedom was launched. While he is still despised for his forever-remembered 9/11 attack, as well as numerous other terrorist operations worldwide, one can't help but feel a slight feeling of respect for the person who proved that even a mighty superpower like America could be challenged. Following his death, al-Qaeda has remained rather silent. But time can only tell when his successor would counter-attack.

POLITICAL CHANGES
Thailand went through some harsh times in terms of the political world, especially with so many people calling out for then-PM Abhisit's resignation. The elections saw the sister of deposed Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra and political greenhorn Yingluck trumping Abhisit's party in the polls, but she now faces tough times ahead, especially regarding the floods that have devastated much of the nation. Meanwhile in Japan, the poor handling of the Fukushima reactor meltdown forced Prime Minister Naoto Kan to step down in the wake of growing sentiment over how his cabinet handled the crisis. Hopefully his successor Yoshihiko Noda will be able to turn things around in the next year.

NATURAL DISASTERS
Flash floods, hurricanes and earthquakes rocked the entire globe, with the unprecedented earthquake that rocked Christchurch early in February and the magnitude 8.9 earthquake and follow-up tsunami over in Japan being some of the worst that have ever been recorded. If that wasn't enough, don't forget the floods in Australia (January), severe weather in America (April-May), Hurricane Irene (August), floods in Thailand and the Phillipines, and other scenarios worldwide. Total damages are estimated at US$350 billion, with the crisis of Japan being the most costly of all, standing at approximately US$300 billion!

THE ROYAL AFFAIR
The wedding of Prince Charles and Kate Middleton on April 29th will be remembered as a true fairy tale wedding: the marriage between a dashing young prince and a beautiful commoner. And I gotta say it was indeed a grand wedding - the wedding of the decade, perhaps? I didn't watch the whole wedding, but it wasn't hard to tell that the millions of others watching it would never forget it at all. And while the wedding was the main attraction, let's not forget how Pippa Middleton charmed the pants off guys across the world, as well as that little girl on the balcony with the royal couple, sulking away with her ears stopped up!

HARIMAU MUDA BOLEH!
Our national football team did the country proud when they knocked Indonesia's socks off in last year's Suzuki Cup final. This year, they continued to excel by giving the visiting EPL football teams a run for their money in the friendlies they played, as well as bringing back a gold medal from the SEA Games in Jakarta, Indonesia. Despite security concerns, the team still pulled it off and showed their rivals that Malaysia still has the Midas touch it had in the yesteryears. Kudos to them for bringing pride back to our country in the sports arena, as well as their determination and willpower to show that 'Malaysia Boleh!'

THE BERSIH 2.0 STORY
Another Bersih rally made headlines on July 9th, proving that Malaysians have had enough of all the unfairness happening. The Bersih proponents demanded for clean and fair elections in Malaysia, and the rally gathered as many as 150 thousand people taking to the streets, braving the police's best efforts in stopping the 'illegal' rally. But their determination and courage helped in making a change: already the EC is taking steps to ensure the next elections are fair, including the introduction of indelible ink among other things, as well as the enactment of the controversial Peaceful Assembly Bill, and several other initiatives. Who knows, Malaysia might just undergo the change we want to see.

FAREWELL STEVE
Steve Jobs, the infamous founder of Apple, passed away on October 5th, thus marking the passing of yet another great innovator and radical thinker. While many would disagree with his beliefs and his very conflicting personality, one cannot deny that he was instrumental in the advent of marvelous new technology that has got his rivals powering their R&D to take on Apple. It was due to Jobs' powerful ideas and his quirky/unorthodox methods that have helped Apple stay at the top of its game. With his demise, the world mourned the loss of a visionary who wasn't afraid to take the plunge into uncharted depths and forever revolutionized the world of technology.

WINEHOUSE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING
Amy Winehouse's death is another surprising one. While a heck load of people knew she had problems, nobody anticipated she would kick the bucket so soon. And when later it was made known that she was quite ready to release a whole new album, everyone felt even more saddened by these turn of events. Now that it has been released, people are wondering how it would really sound like if it was complete. Hopefully Amy would be resting in peace, knowing that her music will now live on forever.

THE MJ CASE VERDICT
MJ's doctor was convicted of intentionally killing the King of Pop, and the court's verdict has given relief to not only his close friends and family, but to the millions of fans out there. When the verdict was announced, I can easily imagine people screaming and jumping with sheer delight, apart from hurling more 'serves you right!' abuse at the doc. Wonder how MJ would react to these news up there.

TECHNO-MARVELS
Speaking of technology, we've seen so many new phone and tablet models being unveiled throughout the year. While the iPad was one of the biggest highlights, Apple's competitors were not very far behind. HTC unveiled a string of innovative smart phones, while Samsung became Apple's biggest challenger with its line of Galaxy smart phones and Tab series. Nokia had also launched a number of cool phones, including the fascinating N9, but at the moment seems to be trailing behind Samsung and Apple. In the computing world, ultrabooks are the new in-thing, boasting awesome CPUs and an ultra-light and slim body; 3D too has become a rave, with the introduction of 3D HDTVs and monitors.

GAMES GALORE
There have been so many games released this year, it's hard to keep track of all of them: StarCraft II: WIngs of Liberty, Assassin's Creed: Revelations, Fallout: New Vegas, The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim, Batman: Arkham City, Crysis 2, Dawn of War II: Retribution - those are just some of the many awesome games out this year, and many of them have just blown the minds of gamers worldwide, especially Battlefield 3 and its amazing Frostbite 2.0 engine. Can't imagine what is going to come up next year!

MOVIE MANIA
And who can forget the movie world? We've had a string of hits and misses, and a number of them hint that there's more to come. (Example: The Avengers) Among some notable movies this year include The Muppets, Puss in Boots, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, The Ides of March, Songlap, Arthur Christmas, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, We Bought A Zoo, Hanna, Thor, Captain America, Fright Night, Kung Fu Panda 2, etc.

There may be more that I might have missed, so I'll update this if I do feel it's needed. Until then, Happy New Year everyone!

More Thoughts

I confess: lately I've become ever more distant than my classmates than I should. I've noticed that ever since I've begun to see things from a new light, the more I know the further I get from USS3. It hasn't escaped my sight. I know this is happening. Am I powerless to stop it?

Not at all.

Yes, the distance between me and my class is probably as wide as... well, not the Grand Canyon, of course. But it's no surprise, really. Over the months, I've been doing and saying things I shouldn't have - and many that I regret - and in between I've also begun to adopt very radical changes in my life that, I dare say, I would never have thought to adopt. It's like they said: "When you change, you don't stick around with the old. You naturally move on."

Am I right to say that my change has only widened the rift between all my classmates?

It's both yes and no.

Why yes?
Like what I said above, change moves you onward. Whatever that you embraced may or may not remain in you when you make that transition. While I cannot deny many of the Science 3 people have been great friends (you know who you are) I'm afraid that there are some aspects which I cannot fit in well. Don't get me wrong, all of you are wonderful people - full of different personalities that have helped color the class. Unfortunately, that's the reason why I have started to float away. The color I possess will only darken things.

And who wants a whiner in their group anyway?

So if I've been quite the introvert with you guys, then my humblest apologies. But I can't promise I'll try to fit in. I might not. I might never.

And why no?
Only a small handful know that this change I'm going through is necessary. And I have Yoon to thank for his support, both explicit and implicit. If it wasn't for him, I may have dropped out. In fact, it's an irony that I had to force him not to!

Forgive me for the sins I've committed, dear God. And I pray that you, my friends, will know my errs and absolve them from me, for I have seen my faults and I wish to repent. And I do not intend to be like what my father is now, damn his soul. I never intended to walk in his shoes and leave a path of destruction like he has.

Cheers all.

Remembering 9/11

Ten years. Ten years have flown by so quickly.

I remember I was only nine when it happened. We had just come back from celebrating my mum's 42nd birthday with a nice dinner, all smiles and all feeling lively. We turned on to the news, wondering what may have happened in the world while we were away.

The first thing we saw was the smoke, rising into the air, as the fires raged where the first plane hit. As the reporters were talking to the news anchors about what happened, the next plane came out of nowhere and collided the second tower. We were, suffice to say, shocked to the core.

We were glued to the screen, wondering what was to transpire in the next few moments, as though we were watching an intense action movie. But we knew this was all real.

The fire department and the police rushed to the scene, the former deploying its force to douse fires and rescue those from the two buildings, the latter trying to maintain some semblance of order while helping the firemen however they could. We couldn't see much of their activity, but I could guess some New Yorkers willingly came to their aid if they could.

There must have been billions of people who saw the news. Everybody must have felt terrified to witness something so tragic unfold before their eyes. I was young then, but I knew how significant this event was to the world. But I didn't know it's impact would be far from that.

Then they began to collapse - the South Tower went first, and some time later its twin followed it into oblivion. The dust that billowed from their downfall swallowed up the streets of New York City, enveloping the surrounding areas with a thick fog that reduced visibility to near zero.

It was heart-wrenching, to say the least. We went to bed, thoughts racing through our minds. I wondered how the world would change after this shattering event.

The next day, we got the bigger picture: the crashes at the Pentagon and in Shanksville, Pennsylvania; al-Qaeda's brash admission to these heinous acts; Bush's address to the American people, promising retribution; and many other reports and articles. The world was obviously shaken. Many sent their condolences, while others condemned the attacks. There were mixed responses, I know, but many were unheard - unless you were on the Net at that time. I'm sure there are just as many who salute the suicide bombers as there are those branding them terrorists.

But that's the most I remember of 9/11 ten years ago. I was just nine, but I could tell the implications it brought were major. Now, as I follow current developments, I realize that 9/11 became more than just a terrorist attack: it marked the end of many things, like the West's victory over Communism and, before that, Hitler's fascist reign over Europe. And it also marked the beginning of more world-shaping events, from Operation: Iraqi Freedom and Operation: Enduring Freedom, to the United States' deteriorating image among other countries and the recent Arab Spring, among other things.

It's been said that Osama bin Laden had planned the attacks to achieve these very changes. He may have hoped the US' overrreaction to 9/11 would ultimately lead to their downfall. And it seemed to have worked.

It doesn't matter that they are the most powerful nation in the world; now they're waist deep in debt, and their standing with many of the world's nations has dropped significantly since the War on Terror. President Obama should realize he isn't just fighting for the confidence of his fellowmen in the next election: he also needs to regain the globe's confidence in this once-mighty superpower.

In fact it doesn't just end there: conspiracy theories, anti-Islam sentiments (especially the controversy over Cordoba House, to be built at the site of Ground Zero - which, thankfully, has been resolved peacefully), torture of prisoners, the East's steady economic rise, Osama's death in his Islamabad mansion - this and so many more came as a result of 9/11 - the anti-Islamic sentiments especially (and not forgetting the growing anti-American movement in most Islamic countries because of the US' invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan) being one of the bigger centrepieces.

Show Me The Meaning...

...of true suffering
...of being lonely
...of psychological torture
...of love
...of hate
...of willpower
...of true friendship
...of strength
...of spiritual rebirth
...of sweet success
...of pain
...of misery
...of poverty
...of dread
...of despair
...of being close to Death
...of great burdens
...of talent
...of perseverance
...of patience
...of determination
...of stamina
...of trust
...of the past, of the present, and of the future

If I knew what they really mean to a man, mayhaps I may understand what it means to suffer - and what it takes to break from the bonds of suffering.

Oh that my grief were thoroughly weighed, and my calamity laid in the balances together!For now it would be heavier than the sand of the sea: therefore my words are swallowed up.For the arrows of the Almighty are within me, the poison whereof drinks up my spirit: the terrors of God do set themselves in array against me.~ Job 6:2-4

Entries

Cry

Though you cry a river

The dilemma remains

Unsolved

As it continues

To taint

And spread its poison

It weakens you

I can see how it affects you

Your words

Your emotions

Your thoughts

They begin to betray you

They begin to change

Under the influence

Of this strange toxicity

This contagion

Haunts Man

Since the beginning of Time

Because of it

We have become

Estranged

Separated

Segregated

Denigrated

Persecuted

From the rest

Cry

Cry a river you may

This blight tears at you

It drains your life

It adds your sorrows

It adds your fears

It adds your tears as well

Cry

I cried before

Many times, last count

The plague overwhelmed me

I narrowly perished

I thought myself lost

I thought there was no hope left

No hope at all

But guided I was

By a bright light

As bright as a star

(Please do note

It is not God which I speak)

And I began to see

What others do not

Though of course

Old habits die hard

But nevertheless

A man must embrace change

Change is constant

Is it not?

Cry

I know not why you cry

But I understand your fears

And your doubts

Even if I know nought

Of anything that haunts you

Cry

I cannot cry for you

But a shoulder I can provide

For you to cry on

Though the plague yet consumes me

And threatens my very life

I cannot let myself

Stand with arms folded

And watch my dearest friends

Collapse to the ground

I cannot sit still

If they falter

Though the plague yet consumes me

I need to stand firm

Trust in myself

Trust in my faith

And mayhaps

The cure will come to me

Cry

Cry no longer

I shall be there

All you need to do

Is ask

And so I pen it all down

Seeking the cure for this disease

Seeking it within

And without

To cleanse and rid of it

Once and for all

Such is my belief

This epidemic shall come to an end

Its end

Stand Up And Fight!

Got problems? Everybody faces one or more every day.

But trying to share them to a friend or loved one? To us, that's a herculean task.

What really prevents us from sharing our deepest - and sometimes, darkest - secrets, mostly those involving ourselves? Is it our ego? Our selfishness? The very fact no one can be trusted? Is it really hard to be honest with another to find a solution to our problems?

The way I see it, having others come to terms with our problems might not seem a plausible choice. Like I said, everyone has problems. Even if we wanted to shed light on our internal crises, could they be of help? As There is a quote: "Everyone you meet is fighting a battle." There are some times when reinforcements may not be the sole reason a battle is won. In the end, the good fight has to come from within.

I admit that I can't help approaching my friends for answers to my questions. I do it often, because the answers I provide are inconclusive. My peers may just provide me with the details I need to get on the right track. And I can tell you now that I don't always come clean with my own family. They are already burdened with other matters revolving around the family.

Up to one point in my life, I've been doing a heck load of griping and complaining. I was a pessimist those days. (And I still think I haven't resolved this fully) But it dawned on me that everyone is fighting a battle. It's not always about myself. (Though I can tell you I still have difficulty in trying to turn old habits around. Kinda like teaching an old dog new tricks) If I had kept myself from expanding my horizons, I may have become an introvert.

So I try to change. It's no easy task, but one needs to try.

But problems are a part of life. As much as I hate to sound like a hypocrite (or something else), it's inescapable. And not to mention a crucial piece in our self-development. Don't laugh at that. It's true. Ask any successful person and he/she will tell you they had to go through numerous learning experiences or opportunities of growth to reach where they are now. What they don't mention is that they never use the term "failure" to describe their experience.

Shouldn't we change our attitudes to problems?

While I don't deny some problems may be too much to handle, or may be too sensitive to be shared, at least have the perseverance and the willpower to stand up to them. If you really can't make it on your own, then by all means hesitate not to ask a friend to help you.

Shouldn't we be standing side by side through hardship?

I leave that final thought to you. Cheers all.

Insights: Why?

On the subject of our previous matter, misinterpretations continue to poison the minds of many under the pretense of what is really "the right thing to do." In fact, it's wrong. Very wrong.

Like how some people say that, by not converting, you have yourself a one-way ticket to Hell. I don't think so. In fact, I beg to differ. Many friends of mine say that no matter who you are, God still loves you the same way He loves us. So why are they using fear to force people to convert, simply because they'll go to Hell if they don't?

It's a matter of choice if someone wishes to convert or not. Do we really expect everyone would want to convert? And do you really think you can get away sin-free for making such false allegations?

Can't we all remember what happened back in America in those days? Discrimination was such a serious topic that stained the history of America with prejudice and unnecessary bloodshed. Malaysia suffered from that very same problem in the sixties. Do we really want to go back to those times?

In fact, there are some people who are hypocrites. They claim themselves to be true to their faith, but their claims are baseless when they indulge in sin and they don't realize it. They think that they're so devout and faithful that they don't realize that they are corrupting the very faith they practise every day. It's not because they are sinful, but they are blinded by what they think is the truth.

Some people, in their haste or zealousness, don't realize that what they do only goes against what it is they practise. For example, you believe that there is good in others, but instead you only see, hear and speak of 'evil' in others. How would you know that that person is truly the Devil's advocate? What real proof do you have that speaks volumes of his/her behavior or principles?

Or you believe trust is the key to good working relationships, but instead you backstab your closest colleague just to get that promotion. Or you believe that everyone is different from you, but instead you're always making comparisons every day. Is that what someone should really do every single day?

What would your God say about such behavior? Can that really be tolerated? If someone did one of the above to you, how would you feel? And how would you react? If you decide that you should fight fire with fire, then I'm afraid you're a lost cause.

Is that really the becoming of a human being? To the extent we give up so much to please our little selves? Whatever happened to compassion, happiness and love for one another? Have they already been forgotten?

I'd say they have been so since a long time ago.

We've come a long way now, but no one seems to have learned from our past mistakes. No one seems to care whether or not it matters. They'd rather live a contented life as they continue to bloat and spoil themselves in the revelries of sin. And even if they don't plague themselves with sin, there are still those who don't realize the mistakes they made and the mess they left behind.

But despite all the negativity that continues to spread like wildfire, I still stay hopefuly that the future will be a bright one. While I admit there are certain quarters who only fill me with a sense of regret - regret in the fact they will never know of change until it's too late - I see a handful of my friends who continue to give me hope, that there still is good in the heart of Mankind. Could we be the last of Man who can redeem itself of its sins? If God does decide that his covenant with Noah has been broken by our actions, would He bring Judgment Day upon us all without hesitation?

Who would He spare in that time?

I can only pray that, in time, I will have the answers I seek.

Insights

People tend to contradict the words of others and turn them into a whole new meaning. Whether by accident or otherwise, this occurence may lead to disastrous results if left alone. We can easily see it happening all around us, be it here in the country or somewhere abroad.

Because of these ignorant parties, words or phrases that mean no harm at all can suddenly become insulting, defamatory or slanderous to others that lead to unwanted consequences. Haven't we learned from our mistakes? And if that's not enough, when asked to apologize, these people defiantly justify their actions or words that it only enrages the opposing side even further. Nobody ever considers a more peaceable approach to solving the matter immediately. The long tirades of insults will continue for centuries to come.

And let's not forget the bigger problems that stem from their need of justification; war, riots, political turmoil - the list goes on.

In fact, in the Exodus, it is mentioned how, after Moses and Aaron bade to Pharaoh to let the people of God go, Pharaoh told all his taskmasters and officers:

"Ye shall no more give the people straw to make brick, as heretofore: let them go and gather  straw for themselves. And the tale of the bricks, which they did make heretofore, you shall lay upon them; you shall not diminish ought thereof: for they be idle; therefore they cry, saying, 'Let us go and sacrifice to our God.' Let there more work be laid upon the men, that they may labour therein; and let them not regard vain words." (Exodus 5:7-9)

And from there, the Israelites continued to suffer.

While Moses brought God's word to Pharaoh, that Pharaoh should let the Israelites go in peace, Pharaoh may have thought Moses was planning to lead a revolution against the Egyptians. Because he did not see how he had brought misery to the Israelites by enslaving them, Pharaoh believed that he had to control them further by tightening his grip over the Israelites. The same picture might just happen in the near future.

But we're not here to discuss of the bigger picture. Instead, we should look at it from the personal point-of-view. Everything starts here: from ourselves. So if we want to really change the world, we need to change ourselves.

To see how we inevitably lead ourselves to self-destruction is a saddening sight indeed. How we tend to believe in only ourselves. How we choose to alter the words of others, or in our beliefs and principles. How we do not want to tolerate others. Or not to live a compassionate life. Or to ignore the cries of anguish from the lost, the least and the lonely. Don't we get it? And when will we get it?

Nobody can truly justify what is true and what is false. Everyone holds a certain stand to a certain topic, and it may not be so easy to change their mindset. Like how a victim of rape may see all men as lustful monsters, or an ex-convict seeking to atone his sins may not be welcomed back into society. Hardline stances are hard to change when they do not have a valid reason into actions or events that will change them. We are a difficult bunch to please.

And let's not forget there will be detractors. They will always find some way to stand for the things they believe is 'right'. But again, what is right and what is wrong to Man? Does it satisfy the requisites as mentioned in your beliefs or religion? Does it seem logically sound? How we accept the information is up to what influences us. It is just like when St. John Baptist De La Salle faced the 'Writing Masters', those who preached the old ways of education, in court numerous times. The Writing Masters saw La Salle as a threat to their sovereignty as the only ones who were fit to educate the young. And because they did not want to change, to conform to something that was truly righteous, they went against La Salle many times.

The question that remains is whether we truly sate everyone's wants and needs. There is, without a doubt, no real way to substantiate this claim. We all have our own wishes and desires. But if we can open our hearts to the reality that no one is wrong in what they believe in, mayhaps the world would be so much more peaceful. The longer our misunderstandings remain, the deeper our enmity with one another.

I do not think our respective God wanted us to live this way.

Insights: Self-Esteem

There's this American program called "Style By Jury", where every week a random woman (I don't know whether men are involved) is selected to undergo a week-long makeover. But before and after the makeover, a randomly chosen jury is selected to give their first-hand impressions about the person; before the makeover, this would be somewhat of motivation to the person in question to go through the makeover. After the makeover, a new jury would give their thoughts to see just how much the person has changed in the week.

I find the premise interesting. Apart from changing the person's look, they also have life coaches to help build up the person's self-esteem and confidence levels to an all-time high. Mind you, the people they select aren't just regular women. They really NEED help. Not just in terms of fashion, but also in building up their confidence.

It gets me to think of building self-esteem. One thing you should note: self-esteem is one's level of confidence, and this applies to almost everything. Whether it's making friends, doing a project, presenting a slideshow or something else, there has to be a measure of self-esteem in doing them. Yes, even making friends. If you're an introvert (usually possessing low levels of self-esteem) you'd definitely find it hard to talk to people. If you have low self-esteem, there isn't much that you'd be able to do. You'll be hiding yourself from everyone that they won't see the real potential inside of you. Won't that be a waste?

But how do we go about building it up? Well it doesn't take a six-year old to answer that. It's pretty obvious who you go to to do so. But what's more important is that you open yourself to the entire concept. If you shut yourself from the experts, you're not going to go anywhere.

I have a friend of mine who faces this problem. He's got a problem communicating properly with people - save me - and he just can't seem to get along with many. Apart from that, he comes from a broken family, and that only reinforces his introversion. (I'd love to give more details, but I would prefer to keep his identity secret. If you know that I mean you, please don't despair! Read on and it will definitely help you out)It's difficult to actually persuade him to the notion of building up his confidence, believing himself, things like that. Knowing him for a long time, I've tried long and hard to actually drill the concept into his head but I've had little to no success. It breaks my heart to see someone like him live so close to the edge and feel so helpless at the same time.

It's all up to him now. If I can't get him to see it my way, he will have to do it the hard way. And going it the hard way isn't as easy as accepting it earlier. It's not an impossible feat. But it does require more willpower to take that first step.

I admit that I have confidence issues myself. I won't go into detail, but I do my very best to try and maintain a good level. Who would deny it's important? If you're going to keep your doors closed forever, how are you expected to make a living? Feed the family? Expand your business horizons? Things like that? Don't you want to do just that?

There are still ways to go about building confidence without forking out so much cash just to see professionals. Take a good look in the mirror every day and tell yourself that you CAN do it. Attend leadership camps your university or school offers. Don't be afraid to speak your mind. As long as you hold onto a positive mindset, you're already on your way. So don't hesitate!

Cheers!

Entries

"So

Have you figured it out?"

A sudden question

From the stranger

On a beautiful afternoon

As the train passes

Wonderful sights

Of the prairies

"What are we talking about?"

I ask him

Too many things on my mind

"What it was

I asked you to ponder

In my absence"

He replied

Matter-of-factly

Sitting down

Next to Harley

Eager to play with the stranger

"Ah, I remember that

All too well

I have given much thought

But up until now

I don't know

What would give me an answer

That would satisfy me"

The stranger nodded

Dangling a string

In front of Harley

Who is always so keen

In playing cute games

Like this

"I don't have an answer either

It's something

You have to find out

Yourself

I don't have to repeat myself, don't I?

Offering you advice

Does not mean

You should follow it

You are not bound to my words

Or that of others

Merely choose what you feel

Is the right advice

And use it well"

"But I don't know

If my choice is right"

I voice my concerns

The stranger continues

To play with Harley

"Nobody ever made

The right choice

So easily

Unless it's their luck

Have you?

Look back on your life

All it means

Is that you are still learning"

Truth

While it pains me

To remember how awful

Those times were

They serve as reminders

Not to return to such a state

Ever

"So what about now?"

He asked

His eyes gazing into mine

Almost as if

He could see my future

"What does your heart say?"

I shrug

"I don't really know"

I admit

"Part of me

Refuses to believe

While the remainder

Has faith

That it will be alright

That it would work out

The way I hope it would"

"Cling onto that hope,"

Says he

"But not too tightly

It may not go as planned

But at least

You can proudly tell yourself

You conquered your fears

And nothing changed

For the worse

Tread lightly

For you tread on thin ice"

"You are likened

To be on a ship

On perilous

And fickle

Waters

You are its captain

Much like how you conduct this train

And your every choice

Decides

Your survival

Or your demise

On the high seas"

"Would you finally

Complete this puzzle?

Would you continue

To find the missing pieces?

Would you surrender

And never attempt this again?

Would it be too late

To regret the choices made?

I do not know

Either one of these

May happen

And that

Will ultimately

Decide the next chapter of your life."

"Plan accordingly,"

He adds

Stroking Harley on his head

"Because tomorrow carries forward

What today went through

Do not blind yourself

To the larger truth

Do not feel ashamed

By the mistakes you made

Simply

Be full of hope

For hope

Is all that Man has left"

The wind blows

From an open window

One I thought I had locked

But I look round again

And the stranger is gone

Gone

With the wind

Hence, the open window

I stand up

And shut it tight

Sighing

Harley looking up at me

With his cute looks

He must wonder

Where the stranger has gone

I pick up the kitten

Stroking his chin

"He will be back"

I whisper

Though I doubt he understands

I put him down on the seat

Just as my phone began to ring

The call

I had expected

(Had I?)

I smile

And remind myself

How Fate is so fickle

So I pen it all down

And keep his words at heart

Someday

I will be complete

Someday

Insights

Local actress Ida Nerina herself is going through a challenge of her own. I'd only recently found out she's now wheelchair bound after reading her inaugural fortnightly article in the Star some time ago. But despite that, she doesn't let it bother her at all. In fact, she describes her current situation as something as an eye-opener to many new truths.

From her two articles published, she has already highlighted about how common prejudice towards the handicapped is in Malaysia - a sad truth - and the importance of staying strong and living each day like it were your last. Reading those articles makes me wonder: "Why can't we all see the light of our errors?"

We've been caught up with our so-called lives at such a hectic and rushed pace till we don't realize how important it is for us to slow down and relax. Only until we encounter a serious or life-changing problem do we actually see how much time we've actually wasted in the process of wasting our years. For those who still have years left in them, there is still time to make the U-turn. Else, do what you can to turn things around for the better before it's too late.

We're all only human. If we really could do so much in so little time, we would be more than mere mortals. In fact, the world wouldn't be where it is now. But I guess we're on our own. The future is still salvageable, as long as we can see there is still hope. And do something about it as well.

Cheers everyone.

Entries

Change

Change is a constant

Change is unpredictable

Change is crucial

How many of us

How many deny its worth

In this growing world?

Is not change

The very tool that brought us

To where we are now?

Change is good

Change is bad

Change comes

But how you change

Is your choice alone

We embrace change

But

Only in the most dire of situations

When hope seems lost

But can we encourage change

By other means?

Through our own belief

That change is good?

How much do we change?

Do we go for

A major reshuffle

Or go with

Removing just the bad eggs?

What needs short-term change?

What needs long-term change?

What needs repair?

What needs continuity?

There are many advocates

Who call for change

They come in numbers

As they cry out for

A change in the government

To a change in lifestyle

For the environment's sake

Oh, everyone believes

Change will make things better

Is not change important?

Certainly so

But are we willing to?

I believe

Change is a must

To adapt

In a cruel world

That teeters on the edge

Of self-destruction

But to change completely

One must have faith

And perseverance

To go on this long road

Change is never easy

But successful change

Pays in dividends

A worthwhile investment

In the long run

I am an example of change

I have seen my life

Turn around

For the better

Although

There are yet still hurdles

To be overcome

And inner demons

To battle with

But I cannot give in

Never can I admit defeat

For if I do

It will be my undoing

The chance the Devil needs

To damn my soul for eternity

In the bowels of Hell

Can I give him that chance?

NEVER

So I pen it all down

Steeling my resolve

Strengthen my faith

Strengthen my beliefs

Hold fast to my principles

Become who I want to be

Become a successful changed man

Become

Who I truly am

Insights: Strength Within

Do you read the papers regularly? Honestly, I'll admit that I don't take the trouble to do so, but once in a while I do pick it up to see what interesting or inspiring articles the daily would offer. And what I find always does give me inspiration.

Take the recent Star2 article (Sunday, June 12th) about a boy named Grayson Gilbert. If you don't read the Star, I'll print a few lines of the article here:

'The boy approached the marble statue, gazing up - miles up, as he remembers it now - into the face of the benevolent figure it depicted. 

It was May 8, 1996, and Grayson Gilbert, six, had a lot on his mind. 

A few months earlier, surgeons had found a tumour woven through his abdominal cavity... They'd removed his gall bladder, half his stomach and 80 percent of his pancreas. Chemotherapy had taken his hair.

And as he waited to see his doctors again, the boy was leaving a personal note at the feet of the sculpture of Jesus that has graced the foyer below the dome at John Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore since 1896. 

"Dear Jesus," it read in his wobbly hand. "This is Grayson. If you could, just heal the other kids please. Thank you very much." 

Jed Kirschbaum, a photographer for the Sun newspaper, happened to be in the room seeking an image to accompany an article the paper was running about the 100th anniversary of the statue. The photo he got off - of the frail boy in his orange baseball shirt, his hairless head illuminated by a shaft of light - hit the front page on Mother's Day and moved readers in a way few ever do. 

...There's no reason Grayson has emerged as a medical anomaly. But as he sits on the couch in his family home... one factor is impossible to miss. "I've always had this faith," he says, "that things are going to work out."'

Doctors only gave him a year to live - if he was lucky. At best, five years if he was one of a rare few. But now he's a communications major at Towson University after going through numerous life-threatening ordeals. What he suffered from was a rare medical condition, and even after recovering from that he went through many other complications that almost killed him. In fact, 'Grayson Gilbert still faces an uncertain future. The varices could flare up, as could many of his prior conditions if he doesn't stay on top of them.'

But his doctor says 'his condition is stable, that no road map exists but that Grayson should live a long life.'

Now, 21-year old Grayson has become somewhat of a symbol of hope to what I would say the lost, least and lonely - specifically those who suffer from terminal diseases like cancer. After the photo ran in the Sun, 'representatives of the Children's Miracle Network - childrensmiraclenetworkhospitals.org, the international organisation that raises funds for sick children - contacted Grayson. Before that year was up, the nonprofit [group] named him its ambassador for the state of Maryland. They flew the Gilberts to Florida, where they stayed at Disney World, met celebrities and spoke with others in their situation. The kid with cancer had another lease in life.'

Not only that, 'Grayson got it into his head to raise money for cancer research to "help the other kids."' With the help of officials from the Jos. A. Bank Clothiers, the company put his drawings onto neckties and over the last decade, 'Grayson and other patients from the John Hopkins Children's Center have designed "Miracle Ties" that have raised tens of thousands of dollars for the Children's Miracle Network.'

Shouldn't we see his strength as something we should learn? While we continue to grumble about how stupid this fellow is, or how dumb that subject is and so on, shouldn't we realize that all that continual complaining is only a waste of our time? Our time here on this Earth is just like Shakespeare's "brief candle." One day we will fade away from this mortal world. Shouldn't we be playing our part?

Stop and smell the flowers. Buy a child ice cream. Play with Down's Syndrome kids. Do something. We only have one life to give. Shouldn't we give for the sake of a greater good? What would you do if you were in Grayson's shoes?

If all you've ever done is gripe throughout your entire lifespan, then it's too late to regret.

Cheers, everyone.

More links:
http://www.reporterherald.com/print.asp?ID=32972
http://www.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/sun-magazine/bs-sm-statue-grayson-gilbert-archives,0,1950296.story
http://www.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/sun-magazine/bs-sm-cancer-survivor-20110522,0,465722.story

Insights Part 2

To continue a little to my previous post, I have this beautiful quote by former First Lady Barbara Bush about the importance of living in the present:

"We get aboard that train at birth, and we want to cross the continent because we have in mind that somewhere out there is a station. We pass by sleepy little towns looking out the window of life's train, grain fields and silos, level grade crossings, buses full of people on the roads beside us. We pass by cities and factories, but we don't look at any of it because we want to get to the station. We believe that out there is a station where a band is playing and banners are hung and flags are waving, and when we get there that will be life's destination. We don't really get to know anybody on the train. We pace up and down the aisles looking at our watches eager to get to the station because we know that life has a station for us. 

"This station changes for us during life. To begin with, for most of us, it's turning 18, getting out of high school. Then the station is that first promotion and then the station becomes getting the kids out of college, and then the station becomes retirement and then... all too late we recognize the truth - that this side of that city whose builder is God, there really isn't a station. The joy is in the journey and the journey is the joy. 

"Sooner or later, you realize there is no station and the truth of life is the trip. Read a book, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, hug a child, go fishing, laugh more. The station will come soon enough. And as you go, find a way to make this world more beautiful."

[sourced from her address to Kennebunk (Maine) High School; original source unknown]

Cheers!

Insights

Flipping through the recent edition of the ODJ, I had a flash of inspiration: add quotes sourced from religions across the world (if not the minor ones, then at least the major ones will do) in my posts. Well, depending on the context I intend to use it with.

I don't know. Personally, if one can find inspiration from their respective religious scriptures, then surely it should be shared. Rather than waste our time fighting each other we should be doing more good in the name of our respective gods. Tolerance is a better solution than confrontation.

On to today's topic:

There is a story in Buddhist circles, when the Buddha held up a flower in front of an audience of 1250 monks. He did not say anything for quite a while. Suddenly, he smiled. He smiled because someone in the audience, a monk named Mahakashyapa, smiled at him and the flower he was holding. The monk was the only person who smiled, and the Buddha then said, "I have a treasure of insight and I have transmitted it to Mahakashyapa."

Indeed, many Buddhists continue to wonder what was the meaning behind the story. But, according to the Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh, the meaning is simple: when you are given a flower to admire, the person offering it to you wants you to see it - not think about it, not ponder about it, but just to see it. If you kept on thinking about it, you miss the flower. 'The person who is not thinking,' Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh says, 'but just being himself, will be able to encounter the flower in depth.'

Does that ring a bell? In conclusion: the more we're not living in the present, the more we will miss. We shouldn't keep ourselves so preoccupied in our problems and worries; sometimes, we should just let them slide. Then we will realize life is truly a beautiful experience. Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh also has this to add:

"Living in peace is something we all want. But I would like to ask: Do we have the capacity of enjoying peace? If peace were here would you be able to enjoy it... or would you find it boring? To me, peace, happiness, joy and life all go together, and we can experience them right in the present moment. It is always available to us but if we are not able to experience it, how can we make peace grow?

"When I have a toothache, I discover that not having a toothache is a wonderful experience. That is peace. I had to have a toothache in order to be enlightened, to know that not having it is wonderful. My non-toothache is peace, is joy. But when I do not have a toothache, I do not seem to be happy. So if I look deeply into the present moment, I will understand and appreciate that if I don't have a toothache, it should indeed make me very happy. 

"I know a doctor who lost her eyesight... To her, to be able to see again would be a miracle. She says that she would be in paradise if she could recover her eyesight. Based on this incident, most of us would already be in paradise because we have eyes capable of seeing. When we open our eyes, we can see the blue sky... lovely flowers, and beautiful children. But are we happy with ourselves? So we need to remind ourselves to be mindful that we have eyes to appreciate the beauty of life."

Think about it. Cheers, all.

Entries

I cradle my head in my hands

There is pain

Hurt

Resentment

So much mental torture

It's agonizing

It's too much to handle

Silently I weep

Why?

Why does this happen?

No matter what I do

No matter how hard I try

Inevitably

It only leads me back to sorrow's arms

Defeated is the purpose

Of embracing change

For it all becomes naught

In the end

"Wipe away those tears, young one

It isn't the end yet

If it were the end

Then there would be more for you

To cry about

When there is no more time

To do what is needed"

The stranger patted my back

As he sighs

At the sight of miserable me

"I can't understand,"

I tell him

"I tried so hard

I tried so many times

I tried everything

But it all goes to waste

It's as though

My fate has been sealed"

He smiled sadly

"Listen carefully

When the road gets harder to climb

It's no surprise we fall down

It will happen eventually

Maybe you weren't watching your footing

Maybe a rock got in the way

There are other possibilities anyway"

"But of course

When you feel like

The road has reached its end

The journey draws to a close

When, in reality, it hasn't

And you just want to stop

Make wherever you are

Your final stop

It's hard to resist the call"

He placed his hand

Firmly

On my shoulder

I turn to face him

"Are not your friends around

To help you up again?

Remember

Your journey must not necessarily

Be a lonely one

You need a few comrades

Who you can turn to

Lean on them

When you're not strong

They are your friends, aren't they?

They will see to it

That you carry on eventually"

"Look on the bright side!"

He exclaimed with joy

"It won't be long

Before you finally realize

All that worry

All that pain

All that so-called suffering

Are only illusions

Of course

You will definitely need

Somebody

Or some people

To lean on

Trust me"

He had a point

He always had a point

I nod

A little uneasy

But I will trust him

His wisdom is truly a gift

That I should treasure

"Besides,"

He added

With a smirk

"You could use

More than just a friend

To keep you going"

I blinked

Somewhat confused

But he sat there no longer

As he is known to do

He hinted at it

Didn't he?

Maybe he has an explanation

Until then

I don't think I need it

So I pen it all down

As I recall the stranger's advice

Wondering if he's right

Wondering if I really am

Missing out something

Missing out that feeling

Missing