Thoughts: Discrimination Abound

The recent headlines have brought me back to face my computer screen and blog about one particular topic: prejudice.

In fact, it was thanks to Marina Mahathir's Musings that was printed in Wednesday's The Star that made me type this out. In her post, she writes of the discrimination, hate and inherent mistrust upon Muslims across the globe after the September 11th attacks, and how this can be changed with better knowledge of the Islamic world and its customs, traditions and so forth. Not only that, following the breakout of the Arab Spring that has affected the Middle East for months now, many people have changed their stance with Muslims and are beginning to see them in a different light.

I shall quote Marina Mahathir:

Ten years later, although it cannot be said that Islamophobia has disappeared, Western perspectives on Islam have become more measured and based on better knowledge. One of the biggest boosts... has been the Arab Spring. 

Suddenly the images of Muslims were young, modern and protesting not about the West, but about their own corrupt leaders... in 2011 the Middle East became associated with the yearning for freedom and democracy, one not too different from what developed countries enjoyed. 

Women were seen at the forefront of the revolution, both head-scarved and not, and changed the image of the oppressed Muslim woman. 

It just goes to show that prejudice and discrimination, both rooted in fear of the unknown, can always be dispelled with better knowledge, at least in those willing to learn...

I can honestly tell you that I have been oblivious to what has happened to the Middle East before the Arab Spring started. I had actually believed that even after 9/11 the Arab world was relatively peaceful, if not shaken to its core after the horrifying disaster. Yes, you could say I was ignorant to what was really happening. But when the Arab Spring broke out it made me see just how the Middle East had its own fair share of problems - and not just because of the militant movements that lurk in the shadows.

While it is good to see reconciliation between the Muslim world and the rest of the globe's population coming to terms with one another, it is important to note that all this fear, hate and discrimination is the fault of mass media.

What we've seen on TV are nothing but 'angry bearded men wielding weapons and shouting threats to the West.' The media somewhat branded the Islamic community as terrorists, undemocratic, violent, oppressors of women. The media brazenly trumpeted the so-called "dark side of Islam". All we've seen and heard on the news have been filled with stereotypes of Muslim people - of those who rashly reacted in anger over the West's actions - and from here fear - and prejudice - came and took everyone by the throat.

That's funny. I've always learned from the history books that Islam is no different from any other religion - always differing right from wrong; doing more good for the community; inculcating moral values within the family; and so on. And all it took were a few reports from the media to incite so much negativity.

Already others have been affected by this Islamophobia. A Sikh man killed because he was wearing a turban. Orthodox Jewish rabbis pulled off a plane for praying in a language other passengers didn't understand. Special inspections for people with even the slightest tinge of an Arabic name. Suddenly, no longer can anyone trust their Muslim friends for just about anything.

If it wasn't for the commitment of certain individuals who have defiantly stood up to educate the masses on Islam, be they Muslims or non-Muslims, surely Islamophobia would continue to thrive. And while it still does remain in the hearts of people who ignorantly refuse to accept the truth, it's great news to see this hysteria seems to have subsided to much lower levels. Either that, or the news continues to hide the facts from the public.

And while we're still on the subject of prejudice, what about closer to home? I can tell you now that when I first heard of the Seksualiti Merdeka Carnival and its ban by the police, I thought the police were doing the right thing. Don't ask me why; it just didn't seem right to me at that point in time.

Naturally, I changed my stance after reading some articles, and based on my own beliefs: just like what Marina Mahathir said of the Islamic world, shouldn't the LGBT community be given time to explain itself? Shouldn't we be open to what they have to say?

I believe that many people who read this would be angered by my stance - especially those who say it's not right to be that way. Well, what do you want to do about it? Start some kind of witch hunt and burn them all at the stake? Would that really work? Would you stop them?

You wouldn't. You can never be able to stop them. No matter how much you try, it's like trying to exterminate weeds.

I have heard of cases where parents disown their children because they're different. I have seen how these people are shunned from the community just because they are who they are. Can we blame them for being different? If my child came to me one day and admitted that he/she was one of them, should I disown him /her too?

As human beings, we should have the heart to look after one another despite our differences. So why are we resorting to all this unnecessary hate?

The Seksualiti Merdeka event isn't trying to convince people that promiscuity and such is the way to go. Rather, from my standpoint, it's a platform to allow the LGBT minority to have their say among the majority; it's to allow them to slowly assimilate themselves into the rakyat and be useful to the nation. Rather than let them rot working as sex workers in some dirty back alley, shouldn't we give them the right to work in offices as desk clerks, or even as engineers or lawyers?

So who's to blame? Not just the media. Oh, no. Even political parties  from both sides of the fence are to be blamed for using their power to leverage against the event - from religious hardliners and even to learned men. And why is Datuk Ambiga taking so much flak just because she was to launch the event? Is it because she was part of the controversial Bersih 2.0 campaign? Is it because of her so-called 'pact' with Pakatan? Is it more than those reasons? I leave the politicking to you folks.

She should be applauded for being brave enough to do such a thing. I mean, who would when they'd rather not use their reputation for something good like this. What's keeping us from supporting their cause? The fear and the resulting discrimination we've held against the LGBT community? It's because of those few bad eggs who tarnish the reputation of their fellows.

Even I am to be blamed for disrespecting their kind. But I've realized that it's wrong to do so. Besides, who am I to blame them? They're no different from you and I.

I just hope that the organizers would be able to meet with the IGP and discuss matters peacefully. If the green light is finally given, they definitely deserve a pat on the back.

It's high time we lifted the veil off the subject and bring light to an otherwise misunderstood topic.

More Thoughts

I confess: lately I've become ever more distant than my classmates than I should. I've noticed that ever since I've begun to see things from a new light, the more I know the further I get from USS3. It hasn't escaped my sight. I know this is happening. Am I powerless to stop it?

Not at all.

Yes, the distance between me and my class is probably as wide as... well, not the Grand Canyon, of course. But it's no surprise, really. Over the months, I've been doing and saying things I shouldn't have - and many that I regret - and in between I've also begun to adopt very radical changes in my life that, I dare say, I would never have thought to adopt. It's like they said: "When you change, you don't stick around with the old. You naturally move on."

Am I right to say that my change has only widened the rift between all my classmates?

It's both yes and no.

Why yes?
Like what I said above, change moves you onward. Whatever that you embraced may or may not remain in you when you make that transition. While I cannot deny many of the Science 3 people have been great friends (you know who you are) I'm afraid that there are some aspects which I cannot fit in well. Don't get me wrong, all of you are wonderful people - full of different personalities that have helped color the class. Unfortunately, that's the reason why I have started to float away. The color I possess will only darken things.

And who wants a whiner in their group anyway?

So if I've been quite the introvert with you guys, then my humblest apologies. But I can't promise I'll try to fit in. I might not. I might never.

And why no?
Only a small handful know that this change I'm going through is necessary. And I have Yoon to thank for his support, both explicit and implicit. If it wasn't for him, I may have dropped out. In fact, it's an irony that I had to force him not to!

Forgive me for the sins I've committed, dear God. And I pray that you, my friends, will know my errs and absolve them from me, for I have seen my faults and I wish to repent. And I do not intend to be like what my father is now, damn his soul. I never intended to walk in his shoes and leave a path of destruction like he has.

Cheers all.

Insights

People tend to contradict the words of others and turn them into a whole new meaning. Whether by accident or otherwise, this occurence may lead to disastrous results if left alone. We can easily see it happening all around us, be it here in the country or somewhere abroad.

Because of these ignorant parties, words or phrases that mean no harm at all can suddenly become insulting, defamatory or slanderous to others that lead to unwanted consequences. Haven't we learned from our mistakes? And if that's not enough, when asked to apologize, these people defiantly justify their actions or words that it only enrages the opposing side even further. Nobody ever considers a more peaceable approach to solving the matter immediately. The long tirades of insults will continue for centuries to come.

And let's not forget the bigger problems that stem from their need of justification; war, riots, political turmoil - the list goes on.

In fact, in the Exodus, it is mentioned how, after Moses and Aaron bade to Pharaoh to let the people of God go, Pharaoh told all his taskmasters and officers:

"Ye shall no more give the people straw to make brick, as heretofore: let them go and gather  straw for themselves. And the tale of the bricks, which they did make heretofore, you shall lay upon them; you shall not diminish ought thereof: for they be idle; therefore they cry, saying, 'Let us go and sacrifice to our God.' Let there more work be laid upon the men, that they may labour therein; and let them not regard vain words." (Exodus 5:7-9)

And from there, the Israelites continued to suffer.

While Moses brought God's word to Pharaoh, that Pharaoh should let the Israelites go in peace, Pharaoh may have thought Moses was planning to lead a revolution against the Egyptians. Because he did not see how he had brought misery to the Israelites by enslaving them, Pharaoh believed that he had to control them further by tightening his grip over the Israelites. The same picture might just happen in the near future.

But we're not here to discuss of the bigger picture. Instead, we should look at it from the personal point-of-view. Everything starts here: from ourselves. So if we want to really change the world, we need to change ourselves.

To see how we inevitably lead ourselves to self-destruction is a saddening sight indeed. How we tend to believe in only ourselves. How we choose to alter the words of others, or in our beliefs and principles. How we do not want to tolerate others. Or not to live a compassionate life. Or to ignore the cries of anguish from the lost, the least and the lonely. Don't we get it? And when will we get it?

Nobody can truly justify what is true and what is false. Everyone holds a certain stand to a certain topic, and it may not be so easy to change their mindset. Like how a victim of rape may see all men as lustful monsters, or an ex-convict seeking to atone his sins may not be welcomed back into society. Hardline stances are hard to change when they do not have a valid reason into actions or events that will change them. We are a difficult bunch to please.

And let's not forget there will be detractors. They will always find some way to stand for the things they believe is 'right'. But again, what is right and what is wrong to Man? Does it satisfy the requisites as mentioned in your beliefs or religion? Does it seem logically sound? How we accept the information is up to what influences us. It is just like when St. John Baptist De La Salle faced the 'Writing Masters', those who preached the old ways of education, in court numerous times. The Writing Masters saw La Salle as a threat to their sovereignty as the only ones who were fit to educate the young. And because they did not want to change, to conform to something that was truly righteous, they went against La Salle many times.

The question that remains is whether we truly sate everyone's wants and needs. There is, without a doubt, no real way to substantiate this claim. We all have our own wishes and desires. But if we can open our hearts to the reality that no one is wrong in what they believe in, mayhaps the world would be so much more peaceful. The longer our misunderstandings remain, the deeper our enmity with one another.

I do not think our respective God wanted us to live this way.

Entries

I cradle my head in my hands

There is pain

Hurt

Resentment

So much mental torture

It's agonizing

It's too much to handle

Silently I weep

Why?

Why does this happen?

No matter what I do

No matter how hard I try

Inevitably

It only leads me back to sorrow's arms

Defeated is the purpose

Of embracing change

For it all becomes naught

In the end

"Wipe away those tears, young one

It isn't the end yet

If it were the end

Then there would be more for you

To cry about

When there is no more time

To do what is needed"

The stranger patted my back

As he sighs

At the sight of miserable me

"I can't understand,"

I tell him

"I tried so hard

I tried so many times

I tried everything

But it all goes to waste

It's as though

My fate has been sealed"

He smiled sadly

"Listen carefully

When the road gets harder to climb

It's no surprise we fall down

It will happen eventually

Maybe you weren't watching your footing

Maybe a rock got in the way

There are other possibilities anyway"

"But of course

When you feel like

The road has reached its end

The journey draws to a close

When, in reality, it hasn't

And you just want to stop

Make wherever you are

Your final stop

It's hard to resist the call"

He placed his hand

Firmly

On my shoulder

I turn to face him

"Are not your friends around

To help you up again?

Remember

Your journey must not necessarily

Be a lonely one

You need a few comrades

Who you can turn to

Lean on them

When you're not strong

They are your friends, aren't they?

They will see to it

That you carry on eventually"

"Look on the bright side!"

He exclaimed with joy

"It won't be long

Before you finally realize

All that worry

All that pain

All that so-called suffering

Are only illusions

Of course

You will definitely need

Somebody

Or some people

To lean on

Trust me"

He had a point

He always had a point

I nod

A little uneasy

But I will trust him

His wisdom is truly a gift

That I should treasure

"Besides,"

He added

With a smirk

"You could use

More than just a friend

To keep you going"

I blinked

Somewhat confused

But he sat there no longer

As he is known to do

He hinted at it

Didn't he?

Maybe he has an explanation

Until then

I don't think I need it

So I pen it all down

As I recall the stranger's advice

Wondering if he's right

Wondering if I really am

Missing out something

Missing out that feeling

Missing

Entries

The train goes on

I pace the carriages

Alone

The silence deafening

The sound of my shoes

Piercing the silence

Loudly

"Well, aren't you a loner,"

A voice said

From behind me

I turned, and shuddered

The Devil sat there

Looking unimpressed

Prim and proper

In a dapper tuxedo

His tail waving menacingly

"What?" he said

A puzzled look on his face

"Never seen the Devil before?

Well worry not

I'm just here to help

A lonely soul like you

To get through

This... boring train ride"

He stood from his seat

"The old stranger

Thinks you really can control

Your whole destiny

Face it, kid

You're a mess!

You're worse than a toddler

And I know you know

That fact very well"

He sneered

"But, no fear

All you need to do

Is ask

And ye shall receive"

A curt bow

And a fickle smile

The Devil was driving a hard bargain

And a bargain it was

"Everything you could imagine

Your entire Life

Right at your fingertips

No hassle, no fuss

No more trouble"

He held it

In his palm

Outstretched

"Don't you want that?"

How could I resist?

The Devil laughed

"What a fool you are!

Truly all mortals

Just like you

Give in to their greed

Just to get what they cannot!"

He was so close

Too close

The train nearly derailed

The lights went out

And as I woke

The Devil had already gone

"The Devil is full of wiles"

Said the stranger

Sitting by my side

"Fall not to his trickery

Or it will mean the death of you

Like how you almost died

Barely moments ago"

"If he had won," I asked

Trembling where I sat

"What then?"

"Your journey

Would take you straight

To damnation

Do you want that?

To live an eternity in hell?

Stay strong

Have faith

And you will do fine"

As the train

Began to depart

Once more, on this journey

I pen it all down

And I make sure

I learn my lesson well

Learn this lesson well

Learn

Forgiveness

I have said before that 'too many enemies is too much trouble'. And indeed, it's true. If you have foes all over the place, you're not going to get away from any of them so easily. Besides, 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend' and that would spell trouble. So when we see all these people bickering and arguing and fighting and gossiping, it just seems so disappointing. And every one of our gods didn't say anything about the good there is in fighting.

So why do we still do it?

Do we feel justified by getting even with others? Is there some kind of sadistic need to make the other person feel inferior? Does it serve any beneficial purpose at all? Just because of one mistake no one can be trusted? Why do we make a mountain out of a molehill? We're only wasting time and energy, both of which are more well spent on more important things like studying or completing important projects.

Seriously. We can easily spend so much time ranting and raving over some person who showed disrespect rather than take time to find out why he's like that. Obviously it's because no one has the patience to stop and think anymore. Every one is running around with their own errands to do. And no one likes to be bothered so much over these things. The only solution is to vent anger continuously and unendingly, because for us humans we can easily find a thousand and one faults in someone, whereas a few strengths are easily missed out and left unsaid.

Truth be told, every god frowns on such actions or behavior. It's pretty obvious why: you're not really following your god's plans. Each of Them wants their flock to live happy and harmoniously. If there isn't any harmony, how are they supposed to rely on each other to help one another? How can there be world peace? The words of man can easily be twisted against him if he is not careful. The inherent mistrust we carry easily burdens us in our hearts and minds, and that only drives us to turn against all that is good in life.

Sure, you can rave all you want about the pal who you have a face problem with; sure, you can keep on screaming obscenities at the person who broke your heart; sure, you can just complain about that son-of-a-gun tutor who makes your studying life hell. By all means, you can just keep it going. But ask yourself: am I really gaining something good out of this?

Your prejudice, pride and ego may be keeping you away from the guy you have issues with. He might actually be a gentle person you can easily talk to. Your bitterness and resentment over the actions of the past lead you further away from your ex, in spite of the fact he now just wants to be friends. Your unwillingness to listen, together with your lack of enthusiasm, fear and detestment, only drives you closer and closer to the fate of being pounded to dust by your teacher's words.

Wake up, people. You're only wasting time and energy, plus you're doing more bad to yourself than you think.

So make it a point to get to know your 'problematic friend' much better and do what you can to help. (Only if you're the Bob/Bobette, after all!) Forgive your ex and let the past stay buried deep; focus on the future instead. Accept the fact that's your teacher's methodology or whatever, and just start making extra efforts to go the extra mile. Soon enough, you'll be over them so much faster than you think.

So please, take this time to think all this through. Your anger is only going to make you suffer continually. The pain may not be now, but in future it will be all you feel. Always bear in mind: "To err is human; to forgive is divine." Do yourself a good favor.

Cheers.

LTC Reflections: Who I Am Makes A Difference

Back in the black! Sorry for the long hiatus, but I've been very busy with stuff. So here's my newest post. Cheers!

If I recall, this theme I used as my title was actually used in one of the leadership courses I attended some time back. I can't recall whether it was my first LTC, or the Youth Empowerment organized by INTI, or maybe it was actually from a book, but I remember it very well. Because what we all learned in the recent LTC leads us to realize this point.

Truthfully, I was honestly surprised by the affirmations I received from the people around me. People I never thought I'd impact felt inspired by me (as Deborah puts it XD) - and honestly I didn't expect to be like that. I just thought of doing what I believed what was right. Indeed, it takes guts to be the one to make the first move. And sometimes I find it hard to have the balls of adamentium to do it! XD It can be difficult to say what you wanna say when you worry about what they think of you.

Jokes aside, I was touched by what my friends had to say about me during the sharing session on the second night - specifically RJ, Kelly, Mabel, Tihn Chern, Jaden, Nick and Keng Fai. You showed me that you care for me, and you appreciate all I've said and done. And also not forgetting those who put the little affirmation notes in my envelope. You genuinely touched me for saying all that you've said/written. And yes, I'm glad to call you my friends! =)

I tell myself everyday that it doesn't matter what they say or do to you. What matters most is that you get the message across and they value it for all their lives. Before I started my Change, I was a little selfish when it came to helping people. I wanted their attention, and I wanted to be known as more than just an individual. It's not the way one should help others! When you put people ahead of yourself, you have to be more open with them and understand their needs. And when you are, all kinds of goodness will flow into their life and even into your own.

I firmly stand in my beliefs. But I never did think that in reality, there are people who actually value it - and value me in the process. I never want to be acknowledged for anything (I'm actually pretty thankful Deb didn't praise me on the last day XD) - like when RJ was asking everyone to listen to me as I prepared to talk about being proactive on the first day during the reflection, I was like, "RJ flatters me." Yeah, I'm sure you remember me saying that.

But I'm still human, and I can't deny even I do need attention and praise. It's like what Mr. Eric says: "When you praise someone, they'll reply like, 'No-lah, no-lah, it's nothing-lah!' But what they actually mean is 'More-lah, more-lah!'" Comedic as it is, everyone wants to feel like they belong somewhere. I confess sometimes it's hard to fit in with my close friends and even my siblings at times. I feel awkward being there when they're talking about something, and sometimes I feel like I'm left out. But I never complain. I just tell myself I should be there not for the small talk, but just to BE there. With them. Listening. Laughing together. Sharing a bit. Smiling. I don't mind. I get used to it.

And when the seven of you shared your thoughts of me, it... it felt strange. I won't deny I enjoyed the feeling! XD But then again, it never ever occurred to me that what I do leaves more than just a simple lesson/thought, but it leaves more than that. I was actually leaving a legacy without even knowing it. I surprised myself then. It's due to the fact the good things in life are always appreciated, no matter how small. And I forgot how important that value truly is.

They said of everything I'd done for them, what I do that makes others feel good, and how much I appreciate them as more than friends. And yes, you ARE more than friends! In fact, if it were possible I'd have every one I know become my sibling! So long as I can gain your trust and you gain mine, as Mr Palan said: "The sky's the limit." Believe it! When we all set our prejudice aside and unite, what we can achieve isn't just confined to our roles as a Prefect. When we think highly of others and praise their positive side, even though you hate that person and you have to say it through gritted teeth, don't be surprised that after a couple of months you'll become the best of friends. After all, opposites attract.

And when it came to the affirmations and the signatures in my magazine. Good grief, I was yet again surprised! It was the same effect as the sharing session the previous day. I never expected so many! And all your 'thank-you's will not go unnoticed or forgotten, I guarantee that! It's because of people like you that gives me the inspiration to do what I do. And I'm thankful for that. All your words of wisdom too will give me the strength to push on in the game of Life.

When I came back and started typing this, I ruffled through my stuff and uncovered the affirmations I received two years ago from my fellow Prefects of the term 08/09. I smile everytime I flip through them, and I reminisce on the great times we shared those days. People like Dominic, Timothy, Joshua, Nakhieeran, Hou Keat, Thomas, Venkeeran, Jia-Ee, Sue Jane, Sara, Karen, Ben, Leroy, Koy Yew, Kitt Leong, and all those who stood side by side in that term - man, we rocked the house. XD And I thank those who affirmed me during that LTC. I sincerely appreciate your encouragement. =)

I do believe there's more to come in Life. As Kelly wrote to me, "A journey of milestones begins with a simple step." We must move on and use what we learned to improve all areas in our life. Hopefully one day, even though our schedule will be tight on us next year, we can all come back together and celebrate the friendship that we cherish - for now and forever. Rock on, people!!!

Updates

Well, it is true that when you have good intentions other people may take you for granted. They might think you have ulterior motives behind all your "do-good-unto-thy-neighbors" thing. I get that sometimes, rare as it may be, but then again I don't take them really seriously. I shrug it aside and keep doing what I wanna do. It makes me feel good to do it. Asides, doing good unto others is what makes me FEEL good!

Then again, there are times when even I can get down over what others say. Some have told me to mind my own business. Some are indifferent. Well, we try, don't we? After all, we're only human. It's not like we can expect results so quickly.

If you doubt my skills, I can't change that. If you think I am a jerk, well maybe I am to you. I just hope that, in time, you'll see things my way. And maybe everything might just be so much better. It takes one to know one, after all. I won't force change onto you; you may not like the approach. But if in time I slowly do what I know is good for you and I then I guess we can work things out right.

My thanks to some other friends who still believe in my cause. Your support is a breath of fresh air, and I cannot thank you enough for everything.

And to those who provide me with your constructive criticism, I thank you too. It's good that you know where I need to work on so as to make sure my goals can be achieved without much trouble.

Meanwhile, I'd better prepare myself for the future. There may be more people in need of a helping hand, or an arm around the shoulder. The more good I do, the more I hope it will encourage them to do good to others as well. And also become more positive people in the process.

Cheers!

Part I of Friendship Eternal: The Bedrock Principle

(For this series of posts I will impart much of John C. Maxwell's people principles when it comes to trust, as well as some of my own. All friendships we have all depend on trust. The higher your trust, the more people trust you. I hope Mr Maxwell's guidelines will be insightful to all you readers as it has been for me)

'Friends, I will remember you,

Think of you,

Pray for you,

And when another day is through,

I'll still be friends with you!'

I love that verse. It's from an old country song entitled "Friends", and that very verse (the chorus in fact) puts a smile on my face anytime I think of it.

Friendship is the basis of people relations once you get to know them. Sure, it's different in the corporate world, but in spite of that, even business partners can become friends with their clients. But if there's anything that friendship or corporate relations need to survive is trust. To build lasting trust, you need to practise the Bedrock Principle.

"Trust is the result of a risk successfully survived," as said by psychologist and consultant Jack R. Gibb. It's because when others trust us, they truly take a risk. Whenever we don't let them down, we are strengthening that trust with them. Sooner or later, you'll have yourself trust that can last for a lifetime! But it all begins with yourself. If you're not honest with yourself, how can you be honest with others? Moreover if you can't see your short-comings you can't do anything to make them better. It all depends on how we look at ourelves. When we see ourselves positively, our impact on others is positive. And it applies otherwise too, and that would be bad.

And don't ever think you can break trust down to smaller components. It's more like disassembling it, or demolishing trust down to the ground. If you keep thinking you can cut around trust or compromise values in one part of your life, you're very likely to cause more trouble than you know it. "What a person will do WITH you," John C. Maxwell says, "he will also do TO you!"

Always remember that trust is the foundation to every relationship. It all begins with the trust you initially gain with others, and vice versa. Trust is also the frame and the height of the relationship - trust holds the relationship together, and ensures the relationship grows to new levels. Writer and chaplain to Queen Victoria, Charles Kingsley, said, "A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults." With trust, a relationship is cemented and will remain so for as long as the trust is maintained.

Here's some insight by Mike Abrashoff, who wrote 'It's Your Ship':

"Trust is like a bank account - you have got to keep making deposits if you want it to grow. On occasion, things will go wrong, and you will have to make a withdrawal. Meanwhile, it is sitting in the bank earning interest."

Now let's take it from Mr Maxwell:

"For years in leadership conferences, I taught the idea of having "change" in your pokcet relationally. When you first begin with someone, you start fresh with that person. If the person is trusting and generous, you may begin with a little bit of change. If he is suspicious or hurting, you probably begin with none. Each time you do something to buld trust, you put relational change in your pocket. Each time you do something negative, you spend some of that change. Do enough negative things - due to lack of character or competence - and you're bankrupt. And that spells the end of that relationship."

What wise words! Now that makes you wonder how much change you have left, don't you?

But be sure that you're not just adding change to your pocket. You also want to compound it! With lots of trust you can find you make nary a deposit anymore! But if you don't work hard on adding change consistently, you might just end up broke again. And that would spell a relational disaster.

Ah, but if you think you can't trust others, then you need to be proactive to build trust.

If people have broken your trust, forgive them. You're in the right, and with that power comes necessary responsibility. Then, clearly state that such occurences must never EVER happen again, or else that person will lose your respect. (You may also hurt his pride real badly too!) And always remember their best moments. Sure, I can't deny that hurt will come and go with people. But if you don't start building trust, you may end up regretting. For only risk takers can see the fruits of their labor: the joy you gain from trusted people.

So now ask yourself: has anyone broken your trust? Is the crime a severe one that warrants you not to trust that person anymore? How willing are you to forgive him or her? Will he or she keep by his or her promise? Can you trust yourself in taking the risk? Also, for those you trust, how much do you trust one another? The answers you get from them will determine your level of trust to others. But I hope you can put your faith in the people you can count on. That investment will be the best you'll ever make.

Cheers!

Assumptions and Such

Recently, me and sis Sandra paid RJ's mum a visit while she was at the hospital. She had gone there some time ago to undergo an operation to treat her osteoarthritis problem in her leg, and thankfully the op went well. Sandra brought some fruits for them (I felt ashamed to come empty handed!) and we shared some good laughs while we were there. As we were leaving, RJ thanked us for dropping by. I then asked him why he hadn't informed me about this event, and that surprised him. He asked me, "I thought you knew?"

Unfortunately, while everyone was moving along with the Internet I was one of many thousands who are still stagnating because of no Internet access at home. So maybe that's why I didn't know about this until Sandra told me about it. But what RJ said got me to thinking about the assumptions we make when it comes to our interactions with others.

Alan Pease once wrote, "Don't assume; it makes an ASS out of U and ME." What he said is true, actually. Ever noticed how we sometimes jump to conclusions even before the person we're talking to finishes his or her sentence? Or like in the conversation I had with RJ, we assume the other party is aware of what is being discussed while the other has to ask before he can join the conversation? Well, it's a hard habit  to shake off in humans.

The one thing is people tend to HEAR more than they LISTEN. And when they are in a conversation, we can't wait for the other person to finish talking so we can put in our say. First of all, the more we HEAR the less we remember. The more we LISTEN the opposite applies. So are you actually listening to what the person is saying? If so, can you remember what he/she said, or at least remember the key words in his/her sentences? Can you understand what he/she is trying to say? If both are answered with a 'yes', then you're doing it right. Otherwise, you might need to stop thinking of a reply to his/her statement.

The primary cause of concern is about us worrying about a reply to use. Truth is, you don't have to worry about it until the person has finished talking. Sure, we interrupt them whenever they have some conflicting fact or maybe because you want to add words to their mouth, or maybe for some other reason. Nevertheless it's actually very rude to interrupt one's conversation. If you do want to join in the chat do ask politely first if you can part of it. And when a person is speaking, LISTEN TO HIM OR HER. DON'T waste your time thinking of a suitable repartee or retort or whatever. When he/she is done, then you start.

Why do this? One thing is that it helps maintain your reputation with them. If you allow others to talk before you speak, they will do the same with you out of respect. When you listen to them and give them the room to speak their mind(s), you're doing them a big favor in terms of rapport building. They will find you to be an understanding person, and some may even see you as wise because you have some of the answers after they have spoken. Then they'd find it easier to communicate with you. On the other hand, if you interrupt a lot they might see you as pushy, or hot-headed since you haven't the patience to listen to their words. Thus, they will consider you a pain in the butt, or a thorn in their side. You're only making things worse.

What's so hard about letting them finish? Unless you know the whole story, they probably wouldn't mind you interjecting. But if we let ourselves finish their sentences for them, it can turn ugly. And it will hurt your self-image and their respect for you. Noboby likes a smart aleck, as Marshal Jim Raynor quoted. Just give them some space to talk and they will truly appreciate it.

Of course, not everyone knows about the etiquette of talking. Some will just barge in with their words that they just bowl others over, but they don't give a damn. Well, sometimes we tolerate them. Other times, we avoid them. But whatever happens don't be like them at all. Just let others have space and let them say what needs to be said before we reply. It's not too much to ask for.

Cheers!