You And I

You and I...

It's best that we don't stay friends anymore.

Perhaps I'm being self centred. But still, you and I, we're not going anywhere. It's only pointless words going back and forth between each other.

Best that we go our own separate ways so that neither party gets hurt by the words that may be said.

And to be honest, after that fateful day, you and I have lost that friendship we once shared. I cannot explain how or why.

All I know is that you and I can never go back to the days when we first met.

I guess we changed. One way or another.

Farewell.

Post-Convention Thoughts

Change brings opportunity. ~ Nido Qubein

The 21st National La Sallian Leaders' Convention came and went just like that. Time really flies, doesn't it?

When we first came together on the 16th of December, none of us knew what was in store for us. Well, maybe except myself. Even though this would mark the first time I came for the Convention, I had quite a bit of knowledge on what to expect thanks to early exposure to the La Sallian spirit and values and through my time from organizing this year's Northern Regionals. Of course, the most important thing that would come to us would be change. But where are we to change? Which explains why I came for the Convention: how are we going to change and make a difference? I wanted to know. Hopefully, I would know just where to start.

The Heritage play struck me the most throughout the entire Convention. I'd seen one and helped direct another, but none could compare to how the performance stayed very faithfully to the real La Sallian story. It was from that onwards that I knew I was bound to be awakened to something new in the next few days, something that I never really noticed or learned up till now. That was an opportunity I knew I had to seize.

And I was right. All our sessions, games and reflections helped each and every one of us realize how our world is suffering at the hands of the ignorant, the sinful and such others. They challenged our thinking, our beliefs, our principles. They made us see how real these problems are. They made us realize that change is a must to make things better. They made us realize we are not alone in this noble mission.

Change means that what was before wasn't perfect. People want things to be better. ~ Esther Dyson

In between, there were definitely moments of fun and laughter. Lame jokes, IQ tests and sharing sessions allowed us to build new bonds of friendship between fellow La Sallians. And I must admit that the sessions I led after the end of the day were kinda spontaneous. I only believed that each and every one of us has something to share. So why not allow that voice to come out to the fore?

And as I have said many times, my enthusiasm was at its peak. Never have I actually unleashed so much energy in any other camp I've been to. What made me do it? I don't even know why. But I'm glad that I did it. I'm glad I got the ball rolling for everyone.

And as the days rolled by, I stopped once in a while to check my affirmation pouch. Honestly, you guys and girls honor me with your affirmations, and I was pleasantly surprised to see how many I have at the end of the day. I never intended to be affirmed for my deeds. I only wanted everybody to just feel proud of what they learned and to go out into the world with their eyes open.

And I never thought I'd say this: 'Open your eyes, ears, heart and mind, and you can make that change.' I told Wei Kit that, and in hindsight, I didn't really understand how I said that to him. But now that I look back, I must say it was my experiences that helped me form those words.

I guess change came in the most surprising of ways to me.

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. ~ Leo Tolstoy

Most of us really think we can one day change the world. I hope that Convention made you realize that only when you start from within can you really help the world.

My parents were instrumental in making sure me and my elder brother learned good moral values that have shaped the way we see the world. We used to live a comfortable life, and back then, I wasn't the person I am now. Time has its ways of changing a person. The events that I had to go through brought me new insights to what Life is really all about. And I'm thankful I had to go through all those to reach where I am now.

Now I live a simple life, and I do confess it's not as easy as it once was. But me and my family get by. Besides, I'm thankful I come from a caring family. Though things haven't really been looking up and may just become better than before.

Another thing I'll point out is that, honestly, I'm quite socially inept, especially with women. Ironic? There are just times when I say or do things that are (a) said at the wrong time; (b) lame; (c) misinterpreted; and a few other reasons. And I'm saying this based on personal experience. I've lost - and almost lost - friends because of that, and even now I regret my actions. So if I did say or do something without realizing its damaging effect, I offer my sincerest apologies. I'm pretty much at war with myself, but rest assured that I'm not intending on giving up.

It's all about accepting change. And I'm glad I accepted it.

Before we acquire great power we must acquire wisdom to use it well.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

When the last day came, it was indeed a very sad occasion. But despite that, I'm very happy. I'm overjoyed, really! Finally, we've come to our journey's end - but it's only the end of the Convention. Once you return home and return to school, then you're back to reality. That marks the beginning of a new journey: one that may lead us across numerous obstacles. But as long as we hold on to our beliefs and make that leap of faith, surely nothing, not even a force of nature, can stop us.

Of course, I cannot deny there will be times when all seems hopeless. I assure you, change is never easy. But if you are willing to make sacrifices, then by all means do it. If you have doubts, confide in your friends. We have the Facebook group not just to keep everyone connected. Use it to share your doubts, your sorrows, your victories, your lessons learned. It's a platform to remind us that what we do is for the greater good of all. Altruistic love is what we practise.

I have this quote I'd like to share, found on the tomb of an Anglican bishop of the 11th Century:

When I was young and free my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it, too, seemed immovable. As I grew in my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now as I lay on my deathbed, I suddenly realized: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed my world.

Small steps. Small steps are capable of making that difference. Now that we know ourselves, it's high time we took all that we've learned to walk the talk and hopefully bring about the change we want to see. If we agree that another world is possible, then I can tell you that it starts from us. Don't think of today as another one in paradise. Paradise isn't here yet. We need to work for it.

Are you with me and the La Sallian dream? Then let's make that step forward together as a family. And let us not forget there are thousands of others out there who share in our dream. Let's unite them as well and make the difference.

Understanding someone properly involves learning from him, and learning from someone properly involves changing oneself.
~ Hans Kung

Before I end, I'd like to affirm each and every one of you who participated in the Convetion whether as a Delegate, an accompanying teacher, an OT or even as a facilitator. I may not have talked to you much, nor would I have been able to write to each of you, but let me make it clear that I acknowledge you for who you are. No matter what our background may be, we are all the same. I am, you are, we are La Sallians. Never forget that!

And lastly, I will set up a blog for ourselves to be used as a platform for sharing other insights, personal experiences, projects and such that we could not shared throughout the Convention. Your contributions to this new blog - which I will name Journeying With The Dream - will be very important to helping everybody remember our mission and our responsibilities, as well as learn new lessons that will be key in making their dreams come true. Please feel free to email me with your stories and I will do my very best to publish them on this blog. If you do not know my email, drop by the blog once its complete. You'll definitely find it listed there.

Also, for those who have regular Internet access (I don't have any at home) and are willing to lend a hand, please let me know first hand. I need other administrators who can receive and publish stories on the blog whenever I'm not online. This blog might just be that first step in starting a chain reaction for the better.

Signum Fidei, brothers and sisters! And until the next time we meet, good luck and God bless.

...do all the good you can
to all the people you can
in all the ways you can
as long as ever you can
~ D.L. Moody

I Heart Coldplay

Are you viewing this from FB? If you are, I highly recommend that you view this post from my blog, linked here, in case FB doesn't import it the way it should.
If you can't access the hyperlink above, copy the address below:
http://lifeisreallysomething.blogspot.com/2011/10/i-heart-coldplay.html

My love for the music of Coldplay has been spiking over the weeks ever since I heard Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall play on the radio - plus watching the official MV for the song. In fact, I've begun to cram my phone's memory card with as many studio releases of the songs from their upcoming album Mylo Xyloto. (Coming 24th October!) And of course, I've been going down memory lane as well by revisiting their songs from recent albums (Viva La Vida, Prospekt's March) and previous ones. (X&Y, A Rush Of Blood To The Head)

It's great to see Chris Martin and the boys back in action, bringing back their trademark style of music-making that has defined the band's name in alternative pop. Anyway, here's a list of a few hits which still remain the most popular in my heart. (And in my head)

LIFE IN TECHNICOLOR

After watching the video, I can't help but feel awed by the sheer brilliance of Coldplay and its music. The video itself is a cute production, with the band members each played by a puppet and performing in front of a party, while its audience looks on in curiosity. The music - a combination of the sitar and Coldplay's own modern instruments - is absolutely brilliant, easily captivating listeners to its themes of love through adversity. This truly is a very beautiful song.

EVERY TEARDROP IS A WATERFALL

It's very obvious this song would be on this list. The song is pure magical genius, and the video adds extra awesome-ness to it, with a very interesting blend of graffiti and stop-motion techniques. And also the paint. How many buckets did they use to make the video? And imagine all the effort just to make that 4 minute video, since they added the use of stop-motion. (As seen on most cartoons and, rather recently, Clooney's The Fantastic Mr Fox; it involves the use of taking multiple shots of a scene and combining them together to form an animated clip)

VIVA LA VIDA

From what I've translated, Viva La Vida is Spanish for "Long Live Life" and not "Long Live the King" as I had believed it to be. (NOTE: in fact, 'rey' is Spanish for king; so if it were "Long Live the King" the album would be Viva El Rey or something) But in fact, the song IS about the downfall of a king, from riches to rags. An interesting, meaningful song, plus a video that has the band using a violin and a bell among other instruments, and has all of them wearing French Revolution-era clothing. In fact, the French Revolution theme is a central part of the entire album.

PARADISE

Paradise has a very haunting tune that is, at the same time, full of powerful emotions conveyed through Martin's hypnotic voice and the instruments the band used. The video has the band wearing very silly but cute elephant suits that seem to convey a certain whimsical meaning to the entire video. I haven't delved into the meaning of both the video and lyrics yet, but this song has already left a lasting impression on me on what Coldplay is capable of doing. A recommended tune to listen to.

THE HARDEST PART

I'm not too sure of the connection between the song and the MV, but knowing their unorthodox style of making their MVs, it's understandable. This song definitely deserves to be on my list, as it carries Coldplay's trademark upbeat beats and harmony that gets you moving. But then again, it's just my opinion.

STRAWBERRY SWING

I loved this song. In fact, I acquired it after I first heard it in - of all places - Jusco. But after I saw the amazingly choreographed MV, combining art and stop-motion techniques in one of their most artsy love-song videos yet (and featuring a number of strange characters), my appreciation for the song went up tenfold. I strongly recommend that, if you haven't heard it yet, you watch the video first and then get a copy of the song for your MP3 player.

LOST!

I actually thought the title of the song was "Lost?" for a while. But this is a good song, with a string of inspirational kind of lines (Just because I'm losing / Doesn't mean I'm lost among others) and a very soulful tune. Listening to this, I get the feeling Coldplay must have been doing some experimenting with their songs on Viva La Vida and Prospekt's March before they started working on Mylo Xyloto.

CLOCKS

I didn't really care much for the meaning behind the song. It's just Chris Martin playing the piano so marvelously with the help from the drums and bass later, while dispensing four-line verses of what I would call random thoughts. But who cares? It's music, but most importantly it's good music!

TALK

The music video was... interesting. Well, I found it a bit disturbing when I first saw it, but I guess I was young at the time. (Coming to the moon on a ship; talking to a robot there; etc.) I'd say that Coldplay likes to make its videos differently, coming close to something like an art project of sorts - combining great music with unique art. I think it works.

YELLOW

This was the song that launched Coldplay to fame. And, like millions of others, this was the song that introduced me to a group that took me and their fans on a fantastic musical journey right up until now. And yes, its lyrics are stuck in my head.

CHARLIE BROWN


I just realized that it's the sound of chipmunks on fast forward at the start of the track! Anyway, the one reason I love this song isn't just for Chris Martin's amazing vocals, but also for his bandmates' brilliance with their instruments. When the tune started playing, with the beautiful strings-keyboard combination, I knew that this was one song that I would never forget for the rest of my life.

GOD PUT A SMILE UPON YOUR FACE

This is a very haunting song thanks to its lyrics and the initial vibe the band brought as they played. Of course, towards the end of the song, it reached a very climatic high in the tempo before receding with a satisfying resolution. The MV too is pretty disturbing, featuring a man who slowly fades away into thin air.

THE SCIENTIST

This is another all-time favorite, the song that me and Tihn Chern sang for Teacher's Day just this year. Is it because of its lyrics, singing of forgiveness to the girl whose heart the persona broke? Is it because of Chris Martin's melancholic voice that fits the mood? Is it for the brilliantly done MV played in rewind? Or is it because of the very sombre piano instrumental in the background? I don't know. I just know I love this song more than I even love Every Teardrop.

Lastly, a very sincere thank-you is in due to Ban Siong and Tihn Chern, who helped light my passion for Coldplay's awesome music. You guys rock!

New Thoughts

Jerk, noun: [Slang] a person regarded as disagreeable, despicable, etc.
(Sourced from Webster's New World Dictionary, published 1995)

This is going to be quite a tell-all.

Have you ever had a day when your good intentions are suddenly warped and twisted just because of a few words or because of one action? I'm sure we've all had our days. Come to think of it, I've had a huge share of those problems.

Frank Sinatra sang: "Regrets, I've had a few./But then again, too few to mention." If I said I had no regrets at all - not a single one ever - then I'd be lying. In fact, I've piled them up in one corner for myself to see. The details are fuzzy, but they're there in my head. What a way to remind myself of all my faults.

Even after a massive fallout, I'd always be the first to simmer down and realize how foolish I was. But of course, at that time, the damage is already done. Can I still mend the wounds? I can only hope so.

If you saw the definition of "jerk" at the start of the post, you'd probably wonder if the term has any connection to me. I've been branded a jerk before, and yes, initially I didn't like it. But in time I decided I shouldn't allow myself to be adversely affected by one word. If people were to consider me to be a jerk, I won't say they're right nor wrong. Nobody is really in the right, let alone the wrong. For all I know, they might be considered a jerk to another person.

So who wants to start pointing fingers? Forget it, you're not going anywhere if you did.

From what I have learned from the tell-all weeks ago, instead of letting myself drown under the weight of the grief and misery generated by my mind - and including the negative feedback from the detractors - I'm gonna have to live with the consequences. It's a fact. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, that's what they say.

If I have to live with them, then it's a challenge I should accept. And while they may continue to trouble me for many more weeks, perhaps even months, no matter how much they tug at my mind, I'll have to ignore them if I don't want history to repeat itself.

As Publilius Syrus said: "How unhappy is he who cannot forgive himself." I will have to forgive myself for the things I shouldn't have done. All that's left is for them to choose to forgive me.

I can tell you right now, if I could turn back time, there would be so many wrongs that I could right. So many chances I missed that I could take up. So much could be changed for the better! And, in fact, I may even find myself where I belong.

If I could turn back time, so much could have been changed:
I'd never have angered my friends while in Primary and even in Lower Secondary;
I'd never have acted so stupidly back in Form Four;
(All because of muddled emotions; one of the worst mistakes I'd ever done. If ever I could meet her again, I wouldn't hesitate to say sorry for it)
I'd never have let history repeat itself the following year;
I'd probably have avoided a verbal fight with my classmate;
(Thankfully we've mended bridges)
I'd never lost another friend because of my forgetfulness;
(Jean, if you're reading this, I'm terribly sorry. I truly am. A year on and I have never gotten over it. I never should have forgotten Leroy's card, and I wish you would forgive me for it)
I'd have stopped my friend from doing something stupid;
I'd have stopped myself for trusting my 'gut instincts';
I'd never have hurt her - and myself - because of my immaturity;
(You know I mean you; even when you forgave me for it, it will forever remain a black stain in the story of my life)
I'd never have fallen so deep into despair and self-loathing;
(One of the lowest points in my entire life; thank you to those who have helped me find new meaning in my life, and for adding value to it)
I'd never have acted like a jerk and said things I will continue to regret.

And that's just a tip of the iceberg.

Losing a friend is one of the most painful things that I've experienced - twice, maybe thrice considering what I said last Friday. It's like getting stabbed in the heart and adding lots of salt to the wound. And then letting it fester and become gangrenous. That's how much it stings. When am I ever going to permanently remind myself not to break more bonds of friendship?

But all that's in the past now. Best to move on and remember the lessons I've learned on the way.

At the same time, I thank Kuan Yin for being so gracious and caring even when I faced these arduous tests. My strong connection with my religion, though not as strong as it should be, has helped me see through these perilous times. And of course, there's the support from my extended family, who have shown me that it's not the end of the world.

And I pray I won't have to go through these tests anymore; for if I repeat them again then let it be known that my sins shall not be absolved until I find a way to right the wrongs, lest my soul be damned and taken to the bowels of Hell to suffer for all eternity. This I vow.

This I vow.

If you're reading this, I hope I've made certain things clear. I thank those who have shown me they still care, and I will do whatever I can to change for the better.

If you're one of the few people mentioned, whether directly or indirectly, I won't force you to make a decision in an instant. I can't promise that I won't make the same mistake again in future. (And, fingers crossed, it won't!) But if you allow me to find the time and effort to rebuild our broken trust, I will not let this chance slip from my hands anymore. As I have vowed above, if I lose that chance, then it would mean the end of me.

I'll be as open and transparent as I can. If you have questions, don't hesitate to ask. I'll answer the best as I can. And I promise you it'll be nothing but the truth.

And please do me the favor of sharing this. It's intended for all of you: even those who stand divided from me, and for those whom I've already lost. Thank you.

More Thoughts

I confess: lately I've become ever more distant than my classmates than I should. I've noticed that ever since I've begun to see things from a new light, the more I know the further I get from USS3. It hasn't escaped my sight. I know this is happening. Am I powerless to stop it?

Not at all.

Yes, the distance between me and my class is probably as wide as... well, not the Grand Canyon, of course. But it's no surprise, really. Over the months, I've been doing and saying things I shouldn't have - and many that I regret - and in between I've also begun to adopt very radical changes in my life that, I dare say, I would never have thought to adopt. It's like they said: "When you change, you don't stick around with the old. You naturally move on."

Am I right to say that my change has only widened the rift between all my classmates?

It's both yes and no.

Why yes?
Like what I said above, change moves you onward. Whatever that you embraced may or may not remain in you when you make that transition. While I cannot deny many of the Science 3 people have been great friends (you know who you are) I'm afraid that there are some aspects which I cannot fit in well. Don't get me wrong, all of you are wonderful people - full of different personalities that have helped color the class. Unfortunately, that's the reason why I have started to float away. The color I possess will only darken things.

And who wants a whiner in their group anyway?

So if I've been quite the introvert with you guys, then my humblest apologies. But I can't promise I'll try to fit in. I might not. I might never.

And why no?
Only a small handful know that this change I'm going through is necessary. And I have Yoon to thank for his support, both explicit and implicit. If it wasn't for him, I may have dropped out. In fact, it's an irony that I had to force him not to!

Forgive me for the sins I've committed, dear God. And I pray that you, my friends, will know my errs and absolve them from me, for I have seen my faults and I wish to repent. And I do not intend to be like what my father is now, damn his soul. I never intended to walk in his shoes and leave a path of destruction like he has.

Cheers all.

Thoughts: Forgiving II

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
~ Lewis B. Smedes

This quote rings truth.

Forgiving releases a lot of weight from one's shoulders. But it's not just them who will be relieved. You too benefit from forgiving.

To bear ill will against someone is only going to be the death of you. You pour in so much malice, so much energy, so much thought into hating someone that you don't realize you're actually trapping yourself. It's like going into a cage full of lions, and then locking yourself in with them and throwing the key away.

How would you feel if, somehow, you and your closest friend suddenly had a terrible row and the both of you would not forgive each other? If you were in the wrong, but you failed to admit your fault on your part, how would you feel? And if you regretted and begged for forgiveness, but none was given, how would you feel then?

I know a few of you who are in such a position, or instead may be the offended party. Isn't it time for the bridges to be mended? How long are you going to poison your heart and mind? To what extent will you finally give them forgiveness?

You may tell me it doesn't affect you at all. Does it now? When you look back at your life and realize you'd made the mistake of not forgiving someone for something he/she has done wrong AND could have been easily forgiven, now that you're the wiser? What would you have to say to yourself?

Heed my warning. Let bygones be bygones. Even when it hurts, grant them forgiveness.

Here's a true story (from the Reader's Digest): a woman from the Phillipines by the name of Anna once celebrated Christmas with two orphan kids - seven-year old Orly, and ten-year old Virgie. They had so much fun in the three days they were to stay with them, that her parents called the orphanage to ask for an extension. They got three extra weeks. What fun!

Soon enough, there was talk about adopting them. Young Anna soon realized that with them permanently in the family, all the attention would go to them. She wouldn't have any of it. So she did the unthinkable (for a child of age 11, it seemed a good idea): she began to sideline herself from the family. The ploy worked, and both the orphans went back to the orphanage. The both of them called and called, begging to be adopted, but it was too late. Anna's father feared she would isolate herself again. They never got to adopting them. They didn't dare.

It wasn't until years later that Anna found out about those calls. In her words, "the guilt cut through my insides. I wondered how my immaturity changed their lives." I can't imagine how their lives would have changed, for better or worse.

Anna tried tracing them, but to no avail. It seemed as though they disappeared from the face of the earth.

Anna sums it all up in her final paragraph:

"My only hope of making contact with them is if one day,... a man would in some vague way recognize me. Maybe he would approach and tell me that I seem familiar. I'd look into his eyes and say, "Why yes, we've met. I'm from the family that promised salvation but never followed through." And I'd tell him, "Orly, I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry."

Think about it. Cheers all.

"When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future."
~ Bernard Meltzer

(:

This one goes to you, dear anonymous friend.

Honestly, I don't know who you are, but your trips to my blog are much appreciated. Though it's been a while since your last visit, the few comments you left on my Chatbox were very much insightful and inspiring as well. So thank you.

Have we met? Do we know one another personally? It would be a great pleasure if you and I could meet up one day over a cup of hot chocolate, sharing thoughts and laughs.

Why not?

Cheers for now.

Thoughts

I read Deborah's recent blog post and I must say I was surprised by her revelation.

But it also reminds me of the sad truth we face: we live in loneliness.

We surround ourselves with friends and loved ones, but in the end if we still remain alone it kind of defeats the purpose. It's like an irony - you have so many friends but yet you remain in solitude. It contradicts your outward looks.

But hey, who really knows the real you?

Is there a cure to this?

Insights: Why?

On the subject of our previous matter, misinterpretations continue to poison the minds of many under the pretense of what is really "the right thing to do." In fact, it's wrong. Very wrong.

Like how some people say that, by not converting, you have yourself a one-way ticket to Hell. I don't think so. In fact, I beg to differ. Many friends of mine say that no matter who you are, God still loves you the same way He loves us. So why are they using fear to force people to convert, simply because they'll go to Hell if they don't?

It's a matter of choice if someone wishes to convert or not. Do we really expect everyone would want to convert? And do you really think you can get away sin-free for making such false allegations?

Can't we all remember what happened back in America in those days? Discrimination was such a serious topic that stained the history of America with prejudice and unnecessary bloodshed. Malaysia suffered from that very same problem in the sixties. Do we really want to go back to those times?

In fact, there are some people who are hypocrites. They claim themselves to be true to their faith, but their claims are baseless when they indulge in sin and they don't realize it. They think that they're so devout and faithful that they don't realize that they are corrupting the very faith they practise every day. It's not because they are sinful, but they are blinded by what they think is the truth.

Some people, in their haste or zealousness, don't realize that what they do only goes against what it is they practise. For example, you believe that there is good in others, but instead you only see, hear and speak of 'evil' in others. How would you know that that person is truly the Devil's advocate? What real proof do you have that speaks volumes of his/her behavior or principles?

Or you believe trust is the key to good working relationships, but instead you backstab your closest colleague just to get that promotion. Or you believe that everyone is different from you, but instead you're always making comparisons every day. Is that what someone should really do every single day?

What would your God say about such behavior? Can that really be tolerated? If someone did one of the above to you, how would you feel? And how would you react? If you decide that you should fight fire with fire, then I'm afraid you're a lost cause.

Is that really the becoming of a human being? To the extent we give up so much to please our little selves? Whatever happened to compassion, happiness and love for one another? Have they already been forgotten?

I'd say they have been so since a long time ago.

We've come a long way now, but no one seems to have learned from our past mistakes. No one seems to care whether or not it matters. They'd rather live a contented life as they continue to bloat and spoil themselves in the revelries of sin. And even if they don't plague themselves with sin, there are still those who don't realize the mistakes they made and the mess they left behind.

But despite all the negativity that continues to spread like wildfire, I still stay hopefuly that the future will be a bright one. While I admit there are certain quarters who only fill me with a sense of regret - regret in the fact they will never know of change until it's too late - I see a handful of my friends who continue to give me hope, that there still is good in the heart of Mankind. Could we be the last of Man who can redeem itself of its sins? If God does decide that his covenant with Noah has been broken by our actions, would He bring Judgment Day upon us all without hesitation?

Who would He spare in that time?

I can only pray that, in time, I will have the answers I seek.

Entries

"So

Have you figured it out?"

A sudden question

From the stranger

On a beautiful afternoon

As the train passes

Wonderful sights

Of the prairies

"What are we talking about?"

I ask him

Too many things on my mind

"What it was

I asked you to ponder

In my absence"

He replied

Matter-of-factly

Sitting down

Next to Harley

Eager to play with the stranger

"Ah, I remember that

All too well

I have given much thought

But up until now

I don't know

What would give me an answer

That would satisfy me"

The stranger nodded

Dangling a string

In front of Harley

Who is always so keen

In playing cute games

Like this

"I don't have an answer either

It's something

You have to find out

Yourself

I don't have to repeat myself, don't I?

Offering you advice

Does not mean

You should follow it

You are not bound to my words

Or that of others

Merely choose what you feel

Is the right advice

And use it well"

"But I don't know

If my choice is right"

I voice my concerns

The stranger continues

To play with Harley

"Nobody ever made

The right choice

So easily

Unless it's their luck

Have you?

Look back on your life

All it means

Is that you are still learning"

Truth

While it pains me

To remember how awful

Those times were

They serve as reminders

Not to return to such a state

Ever

"So what about now?"

He asked

His eyes gazing into mine

Almost as if

He could see my future

"What does your heart say?"

I shrug

"I don't really know"

I admit

"Part of me

Refuses to believe

While the remainder

Has faith

That it will be alright

That it would work out

The way I hope it would"

"Cling onto that hope,"

Says he

"But not too tightly

It may not go as planned

But at least

You can proudly tell yourself

You conquered your fears

And nothing changed

For the worse

Tread lightly

For you tread on thin ice"

"You are likened

To be on a ship

On perilous

And fickle

Waters

You are its captain

Much like how you conduct this train

And your every choice

Decides

Your survival

Or your demise

On the high seas"

"Would you finally

Complete this puzzle?

Would you continue

To find the missing pieces?

Would you surrender

And never attempt this again?

Would it be too late

To regret the choices made?

I do not know

Either one of these

May happen

And that

Will ultimately

Decide the next chapter of your life."

"Plan accordingly,"

He adds

Stroking Harley on his head

"Because tomorrow carries forward

What today went through

Do not blind yourself

To the larger truth

Do not feel ashamed

By the mistakes you made

Simply

Be full of hope

For hope

Is all that Man has left"

The wind blows

From an open window

One I thought I had locked

But I look round again

And the stranger is gone

Gone

With the wind

Hence, the open window

I stand up

And shut it tight

Sighing

Harley looking up at me

With his cute looks

He must wonder

Where the stranger has gone

I pick up the kitten

Stroking his chin

"He will be back"

I whisper

Though I doubt he understands

I put him down on the seat

Just as my phone began to ring

The call

I had expected

(Had I?)

I smile

And remind myself

How Fate is so fickle

So I pen it all down

And keep his words at heart

Someday

I will be complete

Someday

Entries

I cradle my head in my hands

There is pain

Hurt

Resentment

So much mental torture

It's agonizing

It's too much to handle

Silently I weep

Why?

Why does this happen?

No matter what I do

No matter how hard I try

Inevitably

It only leads me back to sorrow's arms

Defeated is the purpose

Of embracing change

For it all becomes naught

In the end

"Wipe away those tears, young one

It isn't the end yet

If it were the end

Then there would be more for you

To cry about

When there is no more time

To do what is needed"

The stranger patted my back

As he sighs

At the sight of miserable me

"I can't understand,"

I tell him

"I tried so hard

I tried so many times

I tried everything

But it all goes to waste

It's as though

My fate has been sealed"

He smiled sadly

"Listen carefully

When the road gets harder to climb

It's no surprise we fall down

It will happen eventually

Maybe you weren't watching your footing

Maybe a rock got in the way

There are other possibilities anyway"

"But of course

When you feel like

The road has reached its end

The journey draws to a close

When, in reality, it hasn't

And you just want to stop

Make wherever you are

Your final stop

It's hard to resist the call"

He placed his hand

Firmly

On my shoulder

I turn to face him

"Are not your friends around

To help you up again?

Remember

Your journey must not necessarily

Be a lonely one

You need a few comrades

Who you can turn to

Lean on them

When you're not strong

They are your friends, aren't they?

They will see to it

That you carry on eventually"

"Look on the bright side!"

He exclaimed with joy

"It won't be long

Before you finally realize

All that worry

All that pain

All that so-called suffering

Are only illusions

Of course

You will definitely need

Somebody

Or some people

To lean on

Trust me"

He had a point

He always had a point

I nod

A little uneasy

But I will trust him

His wisdom is truly a gift

That I should treasure

"Besides,"

He added

With a smirk

"You could use

More than just a friend

To keep you going"

I blinked

Somewhat confused

But he sat there no longer

As he is known to do

He hinted at it

Didn't he?

Maybe he has an explanation

Until then

I don't think I need it

So I pen it all down

As I recall the stranger's advice

Wondering if he's right

Wondering if I really am

Missing out something

Missing out that feeling

Missing

More Thoughts

On the recent topic discussed, I asked a friend of mine about it and he wrote this silly fictional letter, depicting a person's correspondence to a friend to break their friendship:

To Mr John Doe, 

It is with deep regret that I inform you of my decision to sever all forms of connection whatsoever with you effective immediately from the date you receive this letter. 

After thinking long and hard for the past few days I had come to the conclusion that, despite our closeness that goes back to many years now, there are no benefits whatsoever for both parties in continuing to maintain these mutual ties that we have shared. 

I have already found a suitable candidate to fill in your position and trust that he and I will continue to make great progress together over the course of Time. 

I humbly thank you for all your service and honesty throughout our friendship and hope that, in future, you will not contact me ever again. Thank you. 

Yours sincerely,
ADAM ROE

If I ever encountered such a letter, I might just laugh myself to death.

This letter may be formal, but it still implies one thing: inherent mistrust. And that would only mean the end of everything between both people.

Who would want that?

But in any case, if ever I stop corresponding with you then do forgive me. I might just be too busy with loads of work and all.

Cheers for now!

Thoughts

Friendship. Can't live with it. Can't live without it.

I still remember how I advocated the importance of friendship, just as much as how I stress on its importance to myself every single day, whether directly or otherwise. "Be the kind of friend you'd want to have" and all that sort of thing.

But in light on my recent opinions of Mankind's foibles and hypocrisy, I have been doing some thinking.

Let's assume a person decides to distance himself away from a select few individuals simply for his own greater good, would that actually imply hypocrisy? Even if he decides to distance himself from people who do not help him change positively, but are still jolly good people to have a simple conversation with, would this too be called hypocrisy?

So much of our actions in the past have inadvertantly caused a lot of misunderstandings in the present. In fact, things have become so muddled up that it's hard to determine what is real and what isn't. Like how the UN Security Council's majority were for the "no-fly zone" policy in Libyan airspace and those against the motion. Some quarters - especially the US - are calling it a necessary evil. Others condemn it with every passing day.

So what is really the right thing? Does it matter to perspective, be it a common or a divergent one? Does it have to be accepted by society's norms? Does it need approval?

So: friendship. Can't live with it, can't live without it.

There is no excuse as to breaking a friendship without a valid reason. I still recall a friend of mine (well, once was) removing me from her Friends' list on FB just for one little mistake. Can't blame anyone on this - hypocrisy, remember? But then again are we entitled to just cut off a friendship in such short notice? Or what then?

Everyone has the right to know their mistake(s), just like how criminals must know what they're being charged of before being taken to court. So shouldn't we embrace that methodology? Why not? Simple enough: one, our ego prevents us from saying things that make them AND us look bad; two, we're too pig-headed to say it out; three, it's the only thing that disallows people to bitch about others. And face it, Man thrives on gossip and small-talk. Every day you hear of it. And it never gets tiring - to the majority of the world.

So, caught between a rock and a hard place. Friendship has suddenly become a social hazard. Hypocrisy reigns supreme, the clear winner.

John Maxwell states that it's necessary to break off from people who are negatively impacting our life. The question is, how does one go about doing that without seeming hypocritical or offending to the other party? That's the challenge.

Entries

Another stop

The train needs a rest

I sit outside

On one of many benches

As I flip through

An old photo album

Harley, the little kitten

Is sitting at my feet

Licking its paw

Nothing much to do

Nor to see

For a cat like him

Footsteps from behind

I turn and see

A familiar face

A smiling man

Dressed neatly in black

"Sit with me, friend"

I tell the stranger

And he does so

With a nod of thanks

"Ah, memories"

Says he, looking at the album

I grin, sheepishly

"Of a bygone era," I reply

He laughs

"Nevertheless

As you reminisce

On those times

Times of joy and laughter

Times of merriment

They will only seem like yesterday"

He looks at

A picturesque scene

Of friendship

By the beach

Pointing out, he asks

"When was this?"

I smile at the memory

"The LTC in 2008"

I said to him

As I recalled those days

"Teluk Batik

A great time it was

Full of seemingly endless joy

Of lasting friendships forged

Of silly little moments

Of laugh-out-loud ones too

Of fun and games

Of staying up late

Of cracking jokes

Learning new lessons

The list goes on"

The stranger nods

Fully attentive

Absorbing everything I say

When I am done

He speaks:

"Ever thought of a reunion?"

I laugh

"Not at the moment

Though I've always thought of one

Everyone is away

From where I am

And only a handful

Are close by"

"Well then,"

He said, thoughtfully

Only a moment later

(Does he compute everything

So quickly in his mind?)d

"Just remember

They are far at sight

But close at heart

Though the distance is great

And though Time keeps us

From staying in touch

Frequently

At least remember

You are still their friends

As they are yours

Never forget

Friendship takes time to build

But when it is built

It lasts a lifetime"

"Take heart

In time, you all will be reunited

Not at the moment

But in future

This as much

I am sure"

He pats me on the back

Gently

With a warm smile

His trademark smile

"I have to leave now

But you do have other visitors"

He stood up

My eyes following him

As he walks away

I notice some friends

Headed my way

And they wave

Frantically

I wave back

Still smiling

As the day comes to a close

I pen it all down

And I make sure

I reminisce the good ol' days

Reminisce the glorious past

Reminisce