Watched 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows' the other day, and despite the fact I stopped reading (and enjoying) the Harry Potter series (after reading 'Order of the Phoenix' I gave up), I have to give it to them for making a great movie. From what I heard and read they decided to stay true to the book, and I hope they did. Still, it was good stuff. Full of action, laughter and even some teary moments.
It was nice to see how Harry Potter cherished his friends and showed his concern for them. In fact, his camaraderie with his two best friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger is what you don't always see today. They really are foxhole friends (and in the case of Ron and Hermione, foxhole lovers! XD) and it's heartwarming to see them go through thick and thin together. It's as if from the moment they knew each other in the first book, and shared fun times in Gryffindor their friendship has been fated to happen.
Similiarly we should celebrate our friends for being there for us. Maybe we can take a cue from Harry and gang, too. With friends, sometimes when there is a need to go the extra mile for another, we should do what we can to help them. It would do them and you some good.
Think about it. Cheers!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
LTC Reflections: Who I Am Makes A Difference
Back in the black! Sorry for the long hiatus, but I've been very busy with stuff. So here's my newest post. Cheers!
If I recall, this theme I used as my title was actually used in one of the leadership courses I attended some time back. I can't recall whether it was my first LTC, or the Youth Empowerment organized by INTI, or maybe it was actually from a book, but I remember it very well. Because what we all learned in the recent LTC leads us to realize this point.
Truthfully, I was honestly surprised by the affirmations I received from the people around me. People I never thought I'd impact felt inspired by me (as Deborah puts it XD) - and honestly I didn't expect to be like that. I just thought of doing what I believed what was right. Indeed, it takes guts to be the one to make the first move. And sometimes I find it hard to have the balls of adamentium to do it! XD It can be difficult to say what you wanna say when you worry about what they think of you.
Jokes aside, I was touched by what my friends had to say about me during the sharing session on the second night - specifically RJ, Kelly, Mabel, Tihn Chern, Jaden, Nick and Keng Fai. You showed me that you care for me, and you appreciate all I've said and done. And also not forgetting those who put the little affirmation notes in my envelope. You genuinely touched me for saying all that you've said/written. And yes, I'm glad to call you my friends! =)
I tell myself everyday that it doesn't matter what they say or do to you. What matters most is that you get the message across and they value it for all their lives. Before I started my Change, I was a little selfish when it came to helping people. I wanted their attention, and I wanted to be known as more than just an individual. It's not the way one should help others! When you put people ahead of yourself, you have to be more open with them and understand their needs. And when you are, all kinds of goodness will flow into their life and even into your own.
I firmly stand in my beliefs. But I never did think that in reality, there are people who actually value it - and value me in the process. I never want to be acknowledged for anything (I'm actually pretty thankful Deb didn't praise me on the last day XD) - like when RJ was asking everyone to listen to me as I prepared to talk about being proactive on the first day during the reflection, I was like, "RJ flatters me." Yeah, I'm sure you remember me saying that.
But I'm still human, and I can't deny even I do need attention and praise. It's like what Mr. Eric says: "When you praise someone, they'll reply like, 'No-lah, no-lah, it's nothing-lah!' But what they actually mean is 'More-lah, more-lah!'" Comedic as it is, everyone wants to feel like they belong somewhere. I confess sometimes it's hard to fit in with my close friends and even my siblings at times. I feel awkward being there when they're talking about something, and sometimes I feel like I'm left out. But I never complain. I just tell myself I should be there not for the small talk, but just to BE there. With them. Listening. Laughing together. Sharing a bit. Smiling. I don't mind. I get used to it.
And when the seven of you shared your thoughts of me, it... it felt strange. I won't deny I enjoyed the feeling! XD But then again, it never ever occurred to me that what I do leaves more than just a simple lesson/thought, but it leaves more than that. I was actually leaving a legacy without even knowing it. I surprised myself then. It's due to the fact the good things in life are always appreciated, no matter how small. And I forgot how important that value truly is.
They said of everything I'd done for them, what I do that makes others feel good, and how much I appreciate them as more than friends. And yes, you ARE more than friends! In fact, if it were possible I'd have every one I know become my sibling! So long as I can gain your trust and you gain mine, as Mr Palan said: "The sky's the limit." Believe it! When we all set our prejudice aside and unite, what we can achieve isn't just confined to our roles as a Prefect. When we think highly of others and praise their positive side, even though you hate that person and you have to say it through gritted teeth, don't be surprised that after a couple of months you'll become the best of friends. After all, opposites attract.
And when it came to the affirmations and the signatures in my magazine. Good grief, I was yet again surprised! It was the same effect as the sharing session the previous day. I never expected so many! And all your 'thank-you's will not go unnoticed or forgotten, I guarantee that! It's because of people like you that gives me the inspiration to do what I do. And I'm thankful for that. All your words of wisdom too will give me the strength to push on in the game of Life.
When I came back and started typing this, I ruffled through my stuff and uncovered the affirmations I received two years ago from my fellow Prefects of the term 08/09. I smile everytime I flip through them, and I reminisce on the great times we shared those days. People like Dominic, Timothy, Joshua, Nakhieeran, Hou Keat, Thomas, Venkeeran, Jia-Ee, Sue Jane, Sara, Karen, Ben, Leroy, Koy Yew, Kitt Leong, and all those who stood side by side in that term - man, we rocked the house. XD And I thank those who affirmed me during that LTC. I sincerely appreciate your encouragement. =)
I do believe there's more to come in Life. As Kelly wrote to me, "A journey of milestones begins with a simple step." We must move on and use what we learned to improve all areas in our life. Hopefully one day, even though our schedule will be tight on us next year, we can all come back together and celebrate the friendship that we cherish - for now and forever. Rock on, people!!!
If I recall, this theme I used as my title was actually used in one of the leadership courses I attended some time back. I can't recall whether it was my first LTC, or the Youth Empowerment organized by INTI, or maybe it was actually from a book, but I remember it very well. Because what we all learned in the recent LTC leads us to realize this point.
Truthfully, I was honestly surprised by the affirmations I received from the people around me. People I never thought I'd impact felt inspired by me (as Deborah puts it XD) - and honestly I didn't expect to be like that. I just thought of doing what I believed what was right. Indeed, it takes guts to be the one to make the first move. And sometimes I find it hard to have the balls of adamentium to do it! XD It can be difficult to say what you wanna say when you worry about what they think of you.
Jokes aside, I was touched by what my friends had to say about me during the sharing session on the second night - specifically RJ, Kelly, Mabel, Tihn Chern, Jaden, Nick and Keng Fai. You showed me that you care for me, and you appreciate all I've said and done. And also not forgetting those who put the little affirmation notes in my envelope. You genuinely touched me for saying all that you've said/written. And yes, I'm glad to call you my friends! =)
I tell myself everyday that it doesn't matter what they say or do to you. What matters most is that you get the message across and they value it for all their lives. Before I started my Change, I was a little selfish when it came to helping people. I wanted their attention, and I wanted to be known as more than just an individual. It's not the way one should help others! When you put people ahead of yourself, you have to be more open with them and understand their needs. And when you are, all kinds of goodness will flow into their life and even into your own.
I firmly stand in my beliefs. But I never did think that in reality, there are people who actually value it - and value me in the process. I never want to be acknowledged for anything (I'm actually pretty thankful Deb didn't praise me on the last day XD) - like when RJ was asking everyone to listen to me as I prepared to talk about being proactive on the first day during the reflection, I was like, "RJ flatters me." Yeah, I'm sure you remember me saying that.
But I'm still human, and I can't deny even I do need attention and praise. It's like what Mr. Eric says: "When you praise someone, they'll reply like, 'No-lah, no-lah, it's nothing-lah!' But what they actually mean is 'More-lah, more-lah!'" Comedic as it is, everyone wants to feel like they belong somewhere. I confess sometimes it's hard to fit in with my close friends and even my siblings at times. I feel awkward being there when they're talking about something, and sometimes I feel like I'm left out. But I never complain. I just tell myself I should be there not for the small talk, but just to BE there. With them. Listening. Laughing together. Sharing a bit. Smiling. I don't mind. I get used to it.
And when the seven of you shared your thoughts of me, it... it felt strange. I won't deny I enjoyed the feeling! XD But then again, it never ever occurred to me that what I do leaves more than just a simple lesson/thought, but it leaves more than that. I was actually leaving a legacy without even knowing it. I surprised myself then. It's due to the fact the good things in life are always appreciated, no matter how small. And I forgot how important that value truly is.
They said of everything I'd done for them, what I do that makes others feel good, and how much I appreciate them as more than friends. And yes, you ARE more than friends! In fact, if it were possible I'd have every one I know become my sibling! So long as I can gain your trust and you gain mine, as Mr Palan said: "The sky's the limit." Believe it! When we all set our prejudice aside and unite, what we can achieve isn't just confined to our roles as a Prefect. When we think highly of others and praise their positive side, even though you hate that person and you have to say it through gritted teeth, don't be surprised that after a couple of months you'll become the best of friends. After all, opposites attract.
And when it came to the affirmations and the signatures in my magazine. Good grief, I was yet again surprised! It was the same effect as the sharing session the previous day. I never expected so many! And all your 'thank-you's will not go unnoticed or forgotten, I guarantee that! It's because of people like you that gives me the inspiration to do what I do. And I'm thankful for that. All your words of wisdom too will give me the strength to push on in the game of Life.
When I came back and started typing this, I ruffled through my stuff and uncovered the affirmations I received two years ago from my fellow Prefects of the term 08/09. I smile everytime I flip through them, and I reminisce on the great times we shared those days. People like Dominic, Timothy, Joshua, Nakhieeran, Hou Keat, Thomas, Venkeeran, Jia-Ee, Sue Jane, Sara, Karen, Ben, Leroy, Koy Yew, Kitt Leong, and all those who stood side by side in that term - man, we rocked the house. XD And I thank those who affirmed me during that LTC. I sincerely appreciate your encouragement. =)
I do believe there's more to come in Life. As Kelly wrote to me, "A journey of milestones begins with a simple step." We must move on and use what we learned to improve all areas in our life. Hopefully one day, even though our schedule will be tight on us next year, we can all come back together and celebrate the friendship that we cherish - for now and forever. Rock on, people!!!
Friday, November 19, 2010
Of Days Ahead
Sigh. The days are just packed.
Before I go on, I have to say once again how strange the world is. Humanity is only closing towards their doom, and yet no one seems to be bothered about it. Shouldn't we be doing something about it? Like maybe standing shoulder to shoulder and making a change?
Hmmm.
Well. I guess things can never be what they seem. My life in general is a perfect mirror to that.
Let's see now: fell into depression, lost control over my thoughts, and even lost a friend. Well, in a way. Still, I'm only human. I shouldn't bother wasting my time worrying about those. The future yet awaits, and I need to focus on what it may throw at me.
Hopefully, I'll make it through pretty fine. Hopefully.
But at least I have friends like you around. That would greatly help. =)
Cheers for now. Pondering about what's in store for the LTC.
Before I go on, I have to say once again how strange the world is. Humanity is only closing towards their doom, and yet no one seems to be bothered about it. Shouldn't we be doing something about it? Like maybe standing shoulder to shoulder and making a change?
Hmmm.
Well. I guess things can never be what they seem. My life in general is a perfect mirror to that.
Let's see now: fell into depression, lost control over my thoughts, and even lost a friend. Well, in a way. Still, I'm only human. I shouldn't bother wasting my time worrying about those. The future yet awaits, and I need to focus on what it may throw at me.
Hopefully, I'll make it through pretty fine. Hopefully.
But at least I have friends like you around. That would greatly help. =)
Cheers for now. Pondering about what's in store for the LTC.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
The Elevator Principle: Lifting Others to Goodwill
When it comes to making people feel good, we can easily draw up a list of people who we know behave this way. It's undeniable that these people know what they're doing - all they believe in is simply spreading goodwill to anyone who comes into their lives. And that is a hard thing to do in today's modern materialistic world. The Elevator Principle is aptly named because people who make others feel good about themselves, other people and Life in general practise this - it essentially like an elevator that goes up and down; when it goes up, it means that goodwill is being spread, and if it goes down it's otherwise.
Back in the 1920s physician, consultant and psychologist George W. Crane began teaching social psychology at the Northwestern University in Chicago. The early classes he used to teach comprised evening students who were from the working class - men and women who worked at day and wanted to improve themselves at night. After a student told him of her problems with isolation and loneliness after she moved here from Wisconsin, Crane devised a simple plan to boost his student's social skills.
He came up with the Compliment Club the following week, and was the first of many practical assignments he would give his students. He told them:
"No, it is not insincerity when you compliment your enemy," Crane replied, "for the compliment is an honest statement of praise for some objective trait or merit that deserves commendation. You will find that nobody is devoid of merit or virtue... Your praise may buoy up the morale of lonely souls who are almost ready to give up the struggle to do good deeds. You never know when your casual compliment may catch a boy or girl, or man or woman, at the critical point when he would otherwise toss in the sponge."
Crane's experiment worked wonders on his students. Not only did they blossom into more positive people, but even their interactions with others had great positive impacts on them. They noticed the change, and they were very much astonished to see the results. Dr. Crane himself was practising the Elevator Principle - and see what it did for him!
Crane said, "The world is starving for appreciation. It is hungry for compliments. But somebody must start the ball rolling by speaking first and saying a nice thing to his companion." It is true. And it should start from yourself! You don't exactly have to do like what Dr. Crane's students did for the Compliment Club, but there are other ways to add value to other people. Indeed, if you think about it, people who add value to others tend to be more outgoing and extroverted - as though they were advertising themselves to the world. But just like action and reaction, there are people who take away value from others by being selfish, arrogant and unwilling to listen. These are the kind of people who suffer the most in Life.
There are four kinds of people in the world. Those who ADD something to life are called 'adders'. (No, not the snake! XD) These people are those we should enjoy and cherish because they intentionally come to the aid of others who need help. Evangelist D.L. Moody, an adder himself, advised people to "do all the good you can, to all the people you can, in all ways you can, as long as ever you can." Also, as author Frank Tyger said, "Friendship consists of a willing ear, an understanding heart and a helping hand." And even I try to be someone who does this everyday with purpose. Even at work an adder will be seen as an organization's asset - these employees go early and stay late; do something to help co-workers, and even go the extra mile for their bosses. Such people will find themselves nominated for a promotion even if he's been in for only a month.
There are other people who SUBTRACT something in life. Normally these subtracters accidentally minus out value from our lives - and they won't realize it! They give us heavier burdens to carry around, and believe me it's not easy to make them carry part of it for you - they might end up adding even more than what you had in the first place! Sure, receiving is what we do best but when it comes to these people, they are giving us more pain than joy. And who wants that? Thus, if you have friends like this, tolerate them. If you can try and change them. I know a few friends who are subtracters by default. And even though I say changing them is hard, I myself welcome the challenge.
Also, there are a select few who MULTIPLY something in life. These multipliers are people you want to have close to you every day. Everyone wants to be an adder, but to be a multiplier needs dedication, perseverance, faith, skills and intention to give to others than to yourself. I can proudly say RJ Kevin is a multiplier in my life - he's always been there whenever I was down and out. He values friendship. He's always supportive, and always comes up with neat ideas and all. He sharpens my vision and maximizes my strength. And he's passionate about doing something great for his friends and family. There are probably a number of multipliers in your life too - like your parents!
Finally, there are people who DIVIDE something in life - and these people are normally avoided at all costs. These dividers (no, not the road obstacle!) are the ones who really 'take you to the basement,' as in they'll bring you really down very often and with increasing annoyance. Unlike subtracters, dividers intentionally hurt others and hurt themselves in the process. But because they're already so bitter they usually don't see the aftermath they've caused. The only way they can feel better is by making others do worse than they do. And where does that lead to? More fighting, disagreements, arguments and the like. In short, they spell trouble.
So let's do something about it. Let's all be multipliers - or in this case, lifters - as we lift people up to their fullest potential and add value to them continually. Lifters will give daily encouragement to anyone they know, or to people who need special attention. Roman philosopher Lucius Annaeus Seneca said, "Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness." Lifters know what to do to help others, and they make sure that with the power they bear the impact they leave behind will allow others to overcome their worries and their problems. It is up to them to make one's life better or worse - and they always choose what's best for their friends and family.
Lifters are also people who initiate the positive in the negative. To become an instrument of change in a negative environment they do everything they can to help people climb out of their misery and despair. Finally, lifters also understand that Life doesn't give second chances. Whatever good they want to do, they must do it now! They act quickly, for they know that Time and tide wait for no man. Like the quote goes, "I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."
It doesn't matter what your social background is, nor does it matter if you're the most popular kid in school, or the most productive employee in a company. What matters is you make the effort to lift others when they're down. Don't let the chance slip away from your hands; when you start lifting others, you'll notice that the changes that follow not only benefit them, but also benefits you in ways you'd never imagine!
Cheers!
Back in the 1920s physician, consultant and psychologist George W. Crane began teaching social psychology at the Northwestern University in Chicago. The early classes he used to teach comprised evening students who were from the working class - men and women who worked at day and wanted to improve themselves at night. After a student told him of her problems with isolation and loneliness after she moved here from Wisconsin, Crane devised a simple plan to boost his student's social skills.
He came up with the Compliment Club the following week, and was the first of many practical assignments he would give his students. He told them:
"You are to use your psychology every day either at home or at work or on the streetcars and buses. For the first month, your written assignment will be on the Compliment Club. Every day you are to pay an honest compliment to each of three different persons. You can increase that number if you wish, but to qualify for a class grade, you must have complimented at least three people every day for thirty days...
"Then, at the end of the thirty-day experiment, I want you to write a theme or paper on your experiences. Include the changes you have noted in the people around you, as well as your own altered outlook on life."Needless to say, many students objected to his assignment. One person asked Dr. Crane, "Suppose you meet somebody you dislike? Wouldn't it be insincere to praise your enemy?"
"No, it is not insincerity when you compliment your enemy," Crane replied, "for the compliment is an honest statement of praise for some objective trait or merit that deserves commendation. You will find that nobody is devoid of merit or virtue... Your praise may buoy up the morale of lonely souls who are almost ready to give up the struggle to do good deeds. You never know when your casual compliment may catch a boy or girl, or man or woman, at the critical point when he would otherwise toss in the sponge."
Crane's experiment worked wonders on his students. Not only did they blossom into more positive people, but even their interactions with others had great positive impacts on them. They noticed the change, and they were very much astonished to see the results. Dr. Crane himself was practising the Elevator Principle - and see what it did for him!
Crane said, "The world is starving for appreciation. It is hungry for compliments. But somebody must start the ball rolling by speaking first and saying a nice thing to his companion." It is true. And it should start from yourself! You don't exactly have to do like what Dr. Crane's students did for the Compliment Club, but there are other ways to add value to other people. Indeed, if you think about it, people who add value to others tend to be more outgoing and extroverted - as though they were advertising themselves to the world. But just like action and reaction, there are people who take away value from others by being selfish, arrogant and unwilling to listen. These are the kind of people who suffer the most in Life.
There are four kinds of people in the world. Those who ADD something to life are called 'adders'. (No, not the snake! XD) These people are those we should enjoy and cherish because they intentionally come to the aid of others who need help. Evangelist D.L. Moody, an adder himself, advised people to "do all the good you can, to all the people you can, in all ways you can, as long as ever you can." Also, as author Frank Tyger said, "Friendship consists of a willing ear, an understanding heart and a helping hand." And even I try to be someone who does this everyday with purpose. Even at work an adder will be seen as an organization's asset - these employees go early and stay late; do something to help co-workers, and even go the extra mile for their bosses. Such people will find themselves nominated for a promotion even if he's been in for only a month.
There are other people who SUBTRACT something in life. Normally these subtracters accidentally minus out value from our lives - and they won't realize it! They give us heavier burdens to carry around, and believe me it's not easy to make them carry part of it for you - they might end up adding even more than what you had in the first place! Sure, receiving is what we do best but when it comes to these people, they are giving us more pain than joy. And who wants that? Thus, if you have friends like this, tolerate them. If you can try and change them. I know a few friends who are subtracters by default. And even though I say changing them is hard, I myself welcome the challenge.
Also, there are a select few who MULTIPLY something in life. These multipliers are people you want to have close to you every day. Everyone wants to be an adder, but to be a multiplier needs dedication, perseverance, faith, skills and intention to give to others than to yourself. I can proudly say RJ Kevin is a multiplier in my life - he's always been there whenever I was down and out. He values friendship. He's always supportive, and always comes up with neat ideas and all. He sharpens my vision and maximizes my strength. And he's passionate about doing something great for his friends and family. There are probably a number of multipliers in your life too - like your parents!
Finally, there are people who DIVIDE something in life - and these people are normally avoided at all costs. These dividers (no, not the road obstacle!) are the ones who really 'take you to the basement,' as in they'll bring you really down very often and with increasing annoyance. Unlike subtracters, dividers intentionally hurt others and hurt themselves in the process. But because they're already so bitter they usually don't see the aftermath they've caused. The only way they can feel better is by making others do worse than they do. And where does that lead to? More fighting, disagreements, arguments and the like. In short, they spell trouble.
So let's do something about it. Let's all be multipliers - or in this case, lifters - as we lift people up to their fullest potential and add value to them continually. Lifters will give daily encouragement to anyone they know, or to people who need special attention. Roman philosopher Lucius Annaeus Seneca said, "Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness." Lifters know what to do to help others, and they make sure that with the power they bear the impact they leave behind will allow others to overcome their worries and their problems. It is up to them to make one's life better or worse - and they always choose what's best for their friends and family.
Lifters are also people who initiate the positive in the negative. To become an instrument of change in a negative environment they do everything they can to help people climb out of their misery and despair. Finally, lifters also understand that Life doesn't give second chances. Whatever good they want to do, they must do it now! They act quickly, for they know that Time and tide wait for no man. Like the quote goes, "I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."
It doesn't matter what your social background is, nor does it matter if you're the most popular kid in school, or the most productive employee in a company. What matters is you make the effort to lift others when they're down. Don't let the chance slip away from your hands; when you start lifting others, you'll notice that the changes that follow not only benefit them, but also benefits you in ways you'd never imagine!
You raise me up,
So I can stand on mountains,
You raise me up,
To walk on stormy seas,
I am strong when I am on your shoulders,
You raise me up,
To more than I can be.
Cheers!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
No Time's Alright For Fighting
Why are we wasting our time hurling abuse at each other? Do I have to keep repeating, "Can't we all just get along?" all the time? It pains me to see friends arguing over even the smallest of problems and making it a big one in the end. Sometimes, my heart is filled with the desire to knock some sense into them.
I don't really know much about what caused all this feuding. Preferably, I don't want and don't have to know at all. What I do know is I should try my best to facilitate somewhat of a peace treaty between fighting friends. Seriously, why are we all fighting each other when the energy is best used on more practical things like finishing our assignments and stuff? We are only wasting away the time we have holding grudges, constantly arguing and fighting because in the end we're only making ourselves worse than before.
I've heard that bitter people have a higher tendency to die at an earlier age. So I've heard. It seems that regardless of the time spent on exercising, these individuals are still prone to suffer these complications compared to people who are always interacting peacefully with others. C'mon, if you love yourself just do a little favor and let the enmities subside. It'll do wonders.
Life indeed can be full of surprises, but that should come to no surprise. Truthfully, a family friend said, "Life is simple; we just make it complicated." Sometimes, I find that to be the truth with all of us. In our pursuit for material wealth, we transform and become something that is very unlike what we are now. The materialistic mind-set can get you into trouble if you fall for its tricks, and believe me there are a lot of things Life can throw at you that you've never experienced before.
We've had our fair share of tough days and fighting days. I had many a quarrel with my friends before (well, thankfully not a lot of arguments) but in the end we always forgive and forget and allow Life to resume as usual, with the usual interactions and all. So why not do the same? Or maybe take the initiative to be the forgiving one? Let (both) your troubles fall behind you. Time indeed facilitates our thought-processes if we allow it. (As I mentioned before: PATIENCE)
One problem why we can't seem to mend bridges is mostly because, well, men tend to put their pride above all else. (Maybe except money) Their egotistic nature prevents them from being sensitive to certain issues currently at hand. And sometimes they can even be insensitive to their wife's needs. Or they pursue their careers only and let the wife do everything else like she were a slave? Even when it comes to issues outside the family, there'll be cases. Men have lots of reasons to start a war, and they will start one without hesitation - and it takes men of thought to make sure these conflicts come to a halt. Seriously, guys, can we start using our heads more than our hands to take care of problems?
As for the women, I am not commenting. Not because I'm shy or anything, but it's obvious that I'm NOT a lady, and that prevents me from continuing the comment. If you do have a say on this, do drop by. (If I discover any foul language, implication of insult, resentment between the lines, etc then your post will be off the Wall)
But please! Enough of infighting. Enough of the dissatisfaction, disappointment and hatred with others - let them go. Sure, it's hard to - but then again you'll have to. Tell yourself it's not for the other party, but for your sake. Flawed as we are, it is only human that we make sure all things go back to what they used to be. No more.
I don't really know much about what caused all this feuding. Preferably, I don't want and don't have to know at all. What I do know is I should try my best to facilitate somewhat of a peace treaty between fighting friends. Seriously, why are we all fighting each other when the energy is best used on more practical things like finishing our assignments and stuff? We are only wasting away the time we have holding grudges, constantly arguing and fighting because in the end we're only making ourselves worse than before.
I've heard that bitter people have a higher tendency to die at an earlier age. So I've heard. It seems that regardless of the time spent on exercising, these individuals are still prone to suffer these complications compared to people who are always interacting peacefully with others. C'mon, if you love yourself just do a little favor and let the enmities subside. It'll do wonders.
Life indeed can be full of surprises, but that should come to no surprise. Truthfully, a family friend said, "Life is simple; we just make it complicated." Sometimes, I find that to be the truth with all of us. In our pursuit for material wealth, we transform and become something that is very unlike what we are now. The materialistic mind-set can get you into trouble if you fall for its tricks, and believe me there are a lot of things Life can throw at you that you've never experienced before.
We've had our fair share of tough days and fighting days. I had many a quarrel with my friends before (well, thankfully not a lot of arguments) but in the end we always forgive and forget and allow Life to resume as usual, with the usual interactions and all. So why not do the same? Or maybe take the initiative to be the forgiving one? Let (both) your troubles fall behind you. Time indeed facilitates our thought-processes if we allow it. (As I mentioned before: PATIENCE)
One problem why we can't seem to mend bridges is mostly because, well, men tend to put their pride above all else. (Maybe except money) Their egotistic nature prevents them from being sensitive to certain issues currently at hand. And sometimes they can even be insensitive to their wife's needs. Or they pursue their careers only and let the wife do everything else like she were a slave? Even when it comes to issues outside the family, there'll be cases. Men have lots of reasons to start a war, and they will start one without hesitation - and it takes men of thought to make sure these conflicts come to a halt. Seriously, guys, can we start using our heads more than our hands to take care of problems?
As for the women, I am not commenting. Not because I'm shy or anything, but it's obvious that I'm NOT a lady, and that prevents me from continuing the comment. If you do have a say on this, do drop by. (If I discover any foul language, implication of insult, resentment between the lines, etc then your post will be off the Wall)
But please! Enough of infighting. Enough of the dissatisfaction, disappointment and hatred with others - let them go. Sure, it's hard to - but then again you'll have to. Tell yourself it's not for the other party, but for your sake. Flawed as we are, it is only human that we make sure all things go back to what they used to be. No more.
Additions: Mending Bridges
I'd like to add to certain things I've said in my post "Part VII of Friendship Eternal: Mending Bridges."
When I mentioned how a simple "Hello" can mean a lot more to a person, I forgot to take into account the overusage of the greeting nowadays. Well, yeah, hellos are part of life as well as signifying a person's polite behavior. But because it's become a common term within the community, even if a person intends to show he cares in one simple "Heya" or "Hi there", some people may not see the underlying message. In some cases, people will notice the difference. But such occurences are a rarity nowadays, except in sudden situations.
We all want to help our friends get back on their feet when they're down, don't we? But if time cannot permit you to give them strong moral support then what can you do rather than say hi?
Well, a light pat on the back or a warm handshake wouldn't hurt. You can do one of these within a few seconds (depending on the other person as well) and then get on with whatever you have to do. And make sure it's genuine too! False motivation can easily be detected (especially sensitive people), and that might not help in any way at all. When you give them generously, they can feel it flow from you and into them, like chi energy.
Another thing would be about rebuilding bridges you have burned; meaning friendships that were around but didn't stay long - mostly due to some problem involving both parties. It's normal to hear of such things happening. But if I were you, many problems don't last forever. You can't always hold a grudge on someone for even an eternity. When these things happen, there are two possibilities to its resolution: both go their separate ways, or they come back to each other apologetically. Me, if I ever have this problem again, I'd want to settle with the latter option.
Most of the time, when we have problems with others it usually takes some time (even up to a few years) before both sides can mend ties again. The fact is, we need to stop putting the blame on each other or the friendship will suffer a great loss. Seriously, we need to take it easy for a bit! We're only pulling ourselves into a black hole where there is no hope for return if we continue hating others. Sure, you may have face problems with him or her; you both may not see eye to eye almost all the time; etc. But how about if it was YOU that's the problem itself? Ah-ha, you might just be Bob/Bobbie!
No one can always see eye to eye on anything. Which is why most arguments begin - because of our differences. Step into their shoes, and you may understand why they see things from their perspective. So it is advised that everyone must solve problems TOGETHER and seeing it through the eyes of another. Tolerance is better than avoidance, after all.
Look, I know it's not easy to do this. But let's take me. I have some issues with my father, and it pains me to see him wage a psychological conflict with my mum. I don't know what caused him to change, but this change isn't making him any better, nor is it making my mum's life any different either. Except lots of resentment and distrust with him now. But in the end, in spite of the fact I hate him, I will have to forgive him. It's a bit of an irony, but it gets the job done. Even though he's bullying the family, digging through our stuff when we're not at home, and all sorts of stuff. But no matter how much I despise him and his kind, forgiveness is bound to creep in.
God never asked us to be resentful and hateful to one another. If our purpose is to generate hate, we're not going to get anywhere save a closer distance to the realm of eternal suffering. Every person (except conmen) deserves the chance to make a difference in the most honest and capable way possible.
Spend some time thinking these through, and give me your comments too please.
Cheers!
When I mentioned how a simple "Hello" can mean a lot more to a person, I forgot to take into account the overusage of the greeting nowadays. Well, yeah, hellos are part of life as well as signifying a person's polite behavior. But because it's become a common term within the community, even if a person intends to show he cares in one simple "Heya" or "Hi there", some people may not see the underlying message. In some cases, people will notice the difference. But such occurences are a rarity nowadays, except in sudden situations.
We all want to help our friends get back on their feet when they're down, don't we? But if time cannot permit you to give them strong moral support then what can you do rather than say hi?
Well, a light pat on the back or a warm handshake wouldn't hurt. You can do one of these within a few seconds (depending on the other person as well) and then get on with whatever you have to do. And make sure it's genuine too! False motivation can easily be detected (especially sensitive people), and that might not help in any way at all. When you give them generously, they can feel it flow from you and into them, like chi energy.
Another thing would be about rebuilding bridges you have burned; meaning friendships that were around but didn't stay long - mostly due to some problem involving both parties. It's normal to hear of such things happening. But if I were you, many problems don't last forever. You can't always hold a grudge on someone for even an eternity. When these things happen, there are two possibilities to its resolution: both go their separate ways, or they come back to each other apologetically. Me, if I ever have this problem again, I'd want to settle with the latter option.
Most of the time, when we have problems with others it usually takes some time (even up to a few years) before both sides can mend ties again. The fact is, we need to stop putting the blame on each other or the friendship will suffer a great loss. Seriously, we need to take it easy for a bit! We're only pulling ourselves into a black hole where there is no hope for return if we continue hating others. Sure, you may have face problems with him or her; you both may not see eye to eye almost all the time; etc. But how about if it was YOU that's the problem itself? Ah-ha, you might just be Bob/Bobbie!
No one can always see eye to eye on anything. Which is why most arguments begin - because of our differences. Step into their shoes, and you may understand why they see things from their perspective. So it is advised that everyone must solve problems TOGETHER and seeing it through the eyes of another. Tolerance is better than avoidance, after all.
Look, I know it's not easy to do this. But let's take me. I have some issues with my father, and it pains me to see him wage a psychological conflict with my mum. I don't know what caused him to change, but this change isn't making him any better, nor is it making my mum's life any different either. Except lots of resentment and distrust with him now. But in the end, in spite of the fact I hate him, I will have to forgive him. It's a bit of an irony, but it gets the job done. Even though he's bullying the family, digging through our stuff when we're not at home, and all sorts of stuff. But no matter how much I despise him and his kind, forgiveness is bound to creep in.
God never asked us to be resentful and hateful to one another. If our purpose is to generate hate, we're not going to get anywhere save a closer distance to the realm of eternal suffering. Every person (except conmen) deserves the chance to make a difference in the most honest and capable way possible.
Spend some time thinking these through, and give me your comments too please.
Cheers!
There Is Love - If You Know Where To Look
Now the main reason why I decided to highlight this topic is because of how people seem to misunderstand the real deal love brings. I was especially motivated by certain events that involved other people from all walks of life, and it only made me think about how most of us react to love. But please do remember that these are NOT professionally written thoughts; these are how I see the point. If you'd like to clarify or add to something, you are most welcome to do so.
When it comes to loving someone, there are a whole lot of factors that need to be taken into consideration. These include commitment to one another, trust in each other, and patience with each other. Most of the time, short-term couples exist because there is none of these elements in their lives. They just go by it because of what they call 'love for each other'. Hearing that makes me laugh.
There are couples who have commitment, but don't have trust. That won't work because even if you're committed to each other's wellbeing, without trust you're only going to end up bickering with each other. Those who have trust but have no commitment face that problem too; in the end, they can never stay in a stable relationship because both parties don't want to do their part. Then there are those without patience; that is a disaster waiting to happen. I can go on with the list, but you already can tell what will happen next.
Let's face it: when you're really in love, both parties will stay true to each other no matter what happens. It takes lots of effort to make sure the relationship is going to be a lasting one. Firstly, when they start feeling mutual liking for one another, the number one factor that ensures their love goes on is TRUST. They need to let each other know how they really feel about one another. They can't hide any secrets that may jeopardize the relationship. They must be willing to make sacrifices in order to let their love grow. Trust is the basis to every kind of relationship; without it, it's like a building without it's foundation. And technically, when you don't have a foundation, you can't build anything!
When they have trust, they must also have COMMITMENT to complement that trust. When they are committed to making it last, they add to their trust-building by focusing solely on each other's needs. They commit to their love by making more sacrifices; cultivating their love in a positive way; put the situation ahead of their relationship; and also share the satisfaction they gain from each other, simply by being in their company or doing something nice for them. Committed couples who have trust can go far, but even so the foundation still needs to be strengthened.
That's where PATIENCE comes in. When the lovers have patience, nothing can break 'em. Rome wasn't built in a day, and you can't expect love to instantly become strong once you've made the feelings known to one another. That is wrong! They need to build it up slowly and at a constant pace. There's no need to rush, as rushing it will only complicate matters further. After all impatient people are the ones who always lose the most, because they expect their seeds to bloom into flowers right after you plant them. Everything takes time, and it demands patience.
So unless you and your future partner can answer these questions:
Do we trust each other well enough?
Are we committed in making this relationship last?
Do we have the patience to build our love slowly?
Then you can consider starting a relationship with him or her.
But be warned! When it comes to dating at an early age, there are perils. It's all about raging hormones when you're a teen, and they usually cloud your judgment. Sure, there are couples who have dated even since Form Four. Unfortunately, most of these relationships are only temporary, because in the end the momentum they carried with them lost its energy while the journey was still going on. And let's not forget our parents also have veto power in these matters; you just have to know whether he or she IS the right one, and that both your parents agree with your decision, or you may end up regretting or broken hearted.
There are always external factors too that can make or break relationships, even the strongest ones. Jealousy, envy, greed, pride, lust, vanity - these are some of love's deadliest enemies. The moment you have any form of these sins creep into your life, you had better snuff them out of your life or they will ruin it badly. Even couples married for decades can end up divorcing if the man spends too much time gambling, or abusing his wife. Love is indeed a gift of God, but the Devil is always lurking around to place God's plans into a standstill.
I will elaborate more on this topic in a later post. Hopefully, this post will give you a small insight into what really makes love tick.
Cheers!
When it comes to loving someone, there are a whole lot of factors that need to be taken into consideration. These include commitment to one another, trust in each other, and patience with each other. Most of the time, short-term couples exist because there is none of these elements in their lives. They just go by it because of what they call 'love for each other'. Hearing that makes me laugh.
There are couples who have commitment, but don't have trust. That won't work because even if you're committed to each other's wellbeing, without trust you're only going to end up bickering with each other. Those who have trust but have no commitment face that problem too; in the end, they can never stay in a stable relationship because both parties don't want to do their part. Then there are those without patience; that is a disaster waiting to happen. I can go on with the list, but you already can tell what will happen next.
Let's face it: when you're really in love, both parties will stay true to each other no matter what happens. It takes lots of effort to make sure the relationship is going to be a lasting one. Firstly, when they start feeling mutual liking for one another, the number one factor that ensures their love goes on is TRUST. They need to let each other know how they really feel about one another. They can't hide any secrets that may jeopardize the relationship. They must be willing to make sacrifices in order to let their love grow. Trust is the basis to every kind of relationship; without it, it's like a building without it's foundation. And technically, when you don't have a foundation, you can't build anything!
When they have trust, they must also have COMMITMENT to complement that trust. When they are committed to making it last, they add to their trust-building by focusing solely on each other's needs. They commit to their love by making more sacrifices; cultivating their love in a positive way; put the situation ahead of their relationship; and also share the satisfaction they gain from each other, simply by being in their company or doing something nice for them. Committed couples who have trust can go far, but even so the foundation still needs to be strengthened.
That's where PATIENCE comes in. When the lovers have patience, nothing can break 'em. Rome wasn't built in a day, and you can't expect love to instantly become strong once you've made the feelings known to one another. That is wrong! They need to build it up slowly and at a constant pace. There's no need to rush, as rushing it will only complicate matters further. After all impatient people are the ones who always lose the most, because they expect their seeds to bloom into flowers right after you plant them. Everything takes time, and it demands patience.
So unless you and your future partner can answer these questions:
Do we trust each other well enough?
Are we committed in making this relationship last?
Do we have the patience to build our love slowly?
Then you can consider starting a relationship with him or her.
But be warned! When it comes to dating at an early age, there are perils. It's all about raging hormones when you're a teen, and they usually cloud your judgment. Sure, there are couples who have dated even since Form Four. Unfortunately, most of these relationships are only temporary, because in the end the momentum they carried with them lost its energy while the journey was still going on. And let's not forget our parents also have veto power in these matters; you just have to know whether he or she IS the right one, and that both your parents agree with your decision, or you may end up regretting or broken hearted.
There are always external factors too that can make or break relationships, even the strongest ones. Jealousy, envy, greed, pride, lust, vanity - these are some of love's deadliest enemies. The moment you have any form of these sins creep into your life, you had better snuff them out of your life or they will ruin it badly. Even couples married for decades can end up divorcing if the man spends too much time gambling, or abusing his wife. Love is indeed a gift of God, but the Devil is always lurking around to place God's plans into a standstill.
I will elaborate more on this topic in a later post. Hopefully, this post will give you a small insight into what really makes love tick.
Cheers!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
The Hammer Principle: Stop Bashing Others!
I'm very sure that whenever someone disagrees with your opinion, you'd be prepared to face them in combat - like two rival armies clashing over who's the best at conquering. You justify your facts are true, and theirs are not according to your beliefs. They feel the same vice versa, and when both sides are unwilling to give in to the other, then it's all-out war. Let me tell you something: STOP FIGHTING AND START LISTENING!
That's what the Hammer Principle is about. Instead of overreacting to everything, take a gentler and more polite way to solve the problem. If you've read the Situation Principle, then you know about not letting the situation mean more than the relationship. Essentially, this also shares some of its traits. We are normally inclined to use a "hammer" to bash all our problems in like they were nails. The truth is, a gentler approach can achieve just as much - but without the pain, the fuss, the problems, the consenquences, etc. Thus, it's better to follow these Ts to get things right when problem solving.
1. Total Picture
Don't jump to conclusions! That's the biggest problem with us humans. We always jump to a certain conclusion before the sentence is finished. Instead of doing that, do this:
2. Timing
Time your words and actions right too! Ask yourself: 'Am I ready to confront?' and after that, 'Is the other person willing to hear?' The first question decides whether you've done your homework to face the problem. The second question is harder, but can be answered with a YES if both parties are open to each other, and are not arguing about it.
3. Tone
As Proverbs stated, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." When someone responds angrily, respond politely and softly. They will soften too.
4. Temperature
If the reaction is worse than the action, the problem usually increases. Following John C. Maxwell's Reprimand Rule: "Take thirty seconds to share feelings - and then it's over." Anything more than thirty seconds means you're using the hammer. This helps control you from going overboard with your words and actions.
And it's best to remember that 'hammering' is best to tackle tough jobs, not people. When it comes to people, one should let the past stay in the past. After all, if you remind the person of his/her past mistakes, he/she may be inclined to do the same thing! Also, don't make things worse by overreacting. The person may already be hurting, and you're only going to add more hurt to him/her. Then,also remember actions speak louder than words. Even though a problem is solved the scars left behind will always remain. "The way you treat people will stya with them a lot longer than the words you choose," as John C. Maxwell would say.
Practise what you learned in the Situation Principle. (If you haven't read it yet, I suggest you go through this first) Make sure you treat everyone equally and not following quick judgments or misunderstandings. And finally, it's always best to be forgiving and admit your mistakes. When you humble yourself, the other person may feel guilty for hammering you and they will do the same. Eventually, a peace treaty will be signed between both warring factions.
And do look into your own selves too. You may be the one wielding the hammer. Before you can change others, have others mirror you and tell you what it is they see. If they see a problem, then you had better do something about it. Replace the hammer with a velvet glove; it helps iron out the rough spots between each other.
Cheers!
That's what the Hammer Principle is about. Instead of overreacting to everything, take a gentler and more polite way to solve the problem. If you've read the Situation Principle, then you know about not letting the situation mean more than the relationship. Essentially, this also shares some of its traits. We are normally inclined to use a "hammer" to bash all our problems in like they were nails. The truth is, a gentler approach can achieve just as much - but without the pain, the fuss, the problems, the consenquences, etc. Thus, it's better to follow these Ts to get things right when problem solving.
1. Total Picture
Don't jump to conclusions! That's the biggest problem with us humans. We always jump to a certain conclusion before the sentence is finished. Instead of doing that, do this:
Listen - Ask - Listen - Ask more - Listen again - Respond
When you slow down it's very easy to respond the right way.2. Timing
Time your words and actions right too! Ask yourself: 'Am I ready to confront?' and after that, 'Is the other person willing to hear?' The first question decides whether you've done your homework to face the problem. The second question is harder, but can be answered with a YES if both parties are open to each other, and are not arguing about it.
3. Tone
As Proverbs stated, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." When someone responds angrily, respond politely and softly. They will soften too.
4. Temperature
If the reaction is worse than the action, the problem usually increases. Following John C. Maxwell's Reprimand Rule: "Take thirty seconds to share feelings - and then it's over." Anything more than thirty seconds means you're using the hammer. This helps control you from going overboard with your words and actions.
And it's best to remember that 'hammering' is best to tackle tough jobs, not people. When it comes to people, one should let the past stay in the past. After all, if you remind the person of his/her past mistakes, he/she may be inclined to do the same thing! Also, don't make things worse by overreacting. The person may already be hurting, and you're only going to add more hurt to him/her. Then,also remember actions speak louder than words. Even though a problem is solved the scars left behind will always remain. "The way you treat people will stya with them a lot longer than the words you choose," as John C. Maxwell would say.
Practise what you learned in the Situation Principle. (If you haven't read it yet, I suggest you go through this first) Make sure you treat everyone equally and not following quick judgments or misunderstandings. And finally, it's always best to be forgiving and admit your mistakes. When you humble yourself, the other person may feel guilty for hammering you and they will do the same. Eventually, a peace treaty will be signed between both warring factions.
And do look into your own selves too. You may be the one wielding the hammer. Before you can change others, have others mirror you and tell you what it is they see. If they see a problem, then you had better do something about it. Replace the hammer with a velvet glove; it helps iron out the rough spots between each other.
Cheers!
Weather Report: Cloudy
I wonder why I feel so tired today - mentally and physically. Maybe because I had a late night the day before? Or was stressed out with work? Or my stomach gave way to these problems? I dunno. But I'm glad to be home to write this.
Had to grab a nap too. It's rare for me to grab a nap in the afternoon, unless I'm sick or something. Well, I feel better now - so I guess I'd be OK from here on out.
But I've been doing some thinking. Even though we all do our best to help our friends in need there are times when we have to set certain limits to what we do. It may be appreciated by many, but some have other opinions on it. And sometimes, it's best if you listen to what they have to say.
I can easily say lending a helping hand isn't an easy task. I have to invest a lot of time and energy into doing what I want to do. Then again, you can't always have them change in a snap if you just arm yourself with encouragement and what-nots. And sometimes, I overdo it. It was only because of a straightforward answer from a friend of mine that I noticed that trait. And I realize I've repeated it on and off for quite some time. So I need to work on that.
No one is born perfect. Even the best motivators and world leaders are still learning new things. And I need to pace myself evenly in order to continue my efforts. BUT of course, there are limits to everything. When you offer help, offer it only when it is needed. If they decline, don't force yourself to jump into their problems. You might just make a mountain out of a molehill. Which is what I did many times. Regretfully.
Let things slide. If they do need help then they'll ask for it. If you want to lend your hand, then you better make sure you do your homework and prepare for anything. Life is always full of unpredictable events. It's just a matter of how you handle them before, during and after it happens. Let not one's actions influence the future negatively.
I extend my warmest thanks to the one who has made me see my errs. (You know who you are) And also my sincerest apologies for having you tell me about it. I owe you lunch one day. =)
Cheers.
Had to grab a nap too. It's rare for me to grab a nap in the afternoon, unless I'm sick or something. Well, I feel better now - so I guess I'd be OK from here on out.
But I've been doing some thinking. Even though we all do our best to help our friends in need there are times when we have to set certain limits to what we do. It may be appreciated by many, but some have other opinions on it. And sometimes, it's best if you listen to what they have to say.
I can easily say lending a helping hand isn't an easy task. I have to invest a lot of time and energy into doing what I want to do. Then again, you can't always have them change in a snap if you just arm yourself with encouragement and what-nots. And sometimes, I overdo it. It was only because of a straightforward answer from a friend of mine that I noticed that trait. And I realize I've repeated it on and off for quite some time. So I need to work on that.
No one is born perfect. Even the best motivators and world leaders are still learning new things. And I need to pace myself evenly in order to continue my efforts. BUT of course, there are limits to everything. When you offer help, offer it only when it is needed. If they decline, don't force yourself to jump into their problems. You might just make a mountain out of a molehill. Which is what I did many times. Regretfully.
Let things slide. If they do need help then they'll ask for it. If you want to lend your hand, then you better make sure you do your homework and prepare for anything. Life is always full of unpredictable events. It's just a matter of how you handle them before, during and after it happens. Let not one's actions influence the future negatively.
I extend my warmest thanks to the one who has made me see my errs. (You know who you are) And also my sincerest apologies for having you tell me about it. I owe you lunch one day. =)
Cheers.
Part VII of Friendship Eternal: Mending Bridges
Look back on your life and think of the many friends you have. There may be times when you realize that you haven't been in touch with certain people for a long while, and you tell yourself, "I should drop him or her a line." Now with the advent of the great social networking sites (Facebook especially), it suddenly seems so easy for us to do just that.
But there are times that even the closest of friends can suddenly drift apart when you least expect it. These things are unavoidable, and if you don't pay attention to these problems, then you may lose the friendship for good. It doesn't matter whichever one of the principles you've learned in the previous post. Once you start losing connection with someone, then you can kiss it goodbye. Like I said before, it takes commitment and true trust for us to cultivate and maintain our relationships.
We need to remember to do all we can to reaffirm our friendships with others. This is never a difficult task: you just need to make sure there is communication between the both of you, no matter the length of the communication. All you need is the willingness to gently remind them you are still their friend. Never mind if you only get a very short chance to speak to them, as long as you make sure you do say "Hi" and "How are you?" You might just be doing them a favor, by reminding them they have you as a constant companion.
Recently, I discovered that I've been neglecting some of my friends and now I am doing all I can to ensure my friendship with these people remains firm, despite our differences or whatever may be keeping us from talking. Whenever I do this reconnecting, this renewal of friendship, I feel renewed myself. It's because I treasure all the friends I have in my life. Can I allow time to separate a friendly relationship I have with a person? Of course not! Therefore we must do all we can to maintain our friendship with others, especially those who have been away from us for so long.
My good friend, Timothy Ong, now lives in Taiping - but that doesn't stop us from planning outings together with our mutual buddies. Quite recently this year, I received a quick message from him, asking if I would be free to meet up for a movie. (He also invited several others, but alas they couldn't make it) I'd missed a lot of chances to meet up with him ever since he left for Taiping, and when he asked this time I couldn't give it a miss. I agreed, we met and we had a good time together.
See? Isn't it great to refresh your connections with your pals? The more you do this, the more you'll find it helps you reaffirm old friendships that can last a lifetime. But of course, there will be the question, "What if I do all this, but in the end it doesn't last?" Then take a cue from the previous post: some friendships are made for a REASON, or they last only for a SEASON. Treasure the memories you had with those individuals. Even if you can't build a strong friendship from these people, at least just stay in touch. If you think it's not worth it, well that's up to you. Just remember that they aren't permanent.
Most people would actually encourage spending more time cultivating permanent friendships rather than focus on the short-term one. I say: why not? It wouldn't hurt to do a little bit of that even if it may just last for a week. You might learn something valuable from the time well spent. I had lots of experience with people whom I rarely contact, but I still enjoyed the times we had those days.
Risk-taking in friendship may be as risky as gambling. But that's where the thrill comes from - knowing you took the risk of building trust with another person. Sure, we will be hurt in the process. There's no doubt about it. But when it pays off, you don't just hit a jackpot; you're also winning a whole lot of other goodies too! So start mending bridges with your friends, or else you will regret it the rest of your life. As the saying goes, "You'll never know who is your friend until you prove to them that you are their friend."
Cheers!
But there are times that even the closest of friends can suddenly drift apart when you least expect it. These things are unavoidable, and if you don't pay attention to these problems, then you may lose the friendship for good. It doesn't matter whichever one of the principles you've learned in the previous post. Once you start losing connection with someone, then you can kiss it goodbye. Like I said before, it takes commitment and true trust for us to cultivate and maintain our relationships.
We need to remember to do all we can to reaffirm our friendships with others. This is never a difficult task: you just need to make sure there is communication between the both of you, no matter the length of the communication. All you need is the willingness to gently remind them you are still their friend. Never mind if you only get a very short chance to speak to them, as long as you make sure you do say "Hi" and "How are you?" You might just be doing them a favor, by reminding them they have you as a constant companion.
Recently, I discovered that I've been neglecting some of my friends and now I am doing all I can to ensure my friendship with these people remains firm, despite our differences or whatever may be keeping us from talking. Whenever I do this reconnecting, this renewal of friendship, I feel renewed myself. It's because I treasure all the friends I have in my life. Can I allow time to separate a friendly relationship I have with a person? Of course not! Therefore we must do all we can to maintain our friendship with others, especially those who have been away from us for so long.
My good friend, Timothy Ong, now lives in Taiping - but that doesn't stop us from planning outings together with our mutual buddies. Quite recently this year, I received a quick message from him, asking if I would be free to meet up for a movie. (He also invited several others, but alas they couldn't make it) I'd missed a lot of chances to meet up with him ever since he left for Taiping, and when he asked this time I couldn't give it a miss. I agreed, we met and we had a good time together.
See? Isn't it great to refresh your connections with your pals? The more you do this, the more you'll find it helps you reaffirm old friendships that can last a lifetime. But of course, there will be the question, "What if I do all this, but in the end it doesn't last?" Then take a cue from the previous post: some friendships are made for a REASON, or they last only for a SEASON. Treasure the memories you had with those individuals. Even if you can't build a strong friendship from these people, at least just stay in touch. If you think it's not worth it, well that's up to you. Just remember that they aren't permanent.
Most people would actually encourage spending more time cultivating permanent friendships rather than focus on the short-term one. I say: why not? It wouldn't hurt to do a little bit of that even if it may just last for a week. You might learn something valuable from the time well spent. I had lots of experience with people whom I rarely contact, but I still enjoyed the times we had those days.
Risk-taking in friendship may be as risky as gambling. But that's where the thrill comes from - knowing you took the risk of building trust with another person. Sure, we will be hurt in the process. There's no doubt about it. But when it pays off, you don't just hit a jackpot; you're also winning a whole lot of other goodies too! So start mending bridges with your friends, or else you will regret it the rest of your life. As the saying goes, "You'll never know who is your friend until you prove to them that you are their friend."
Cheers!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Part VI of Friendship Eternal: You Can't Be Friendless
"All things being equal, people will work with people they like; all things not being equal, they still will."
~ John C. MaxwellThe Friendship Principle means what it says.
When it comes to doing things we always want to do it with friends that we can truly rely on. Who would want to work with people who only add more trouble to what needs to be done? It's only that our trust allows a certain few to be part of a team, and that spells victory for them once they put their hearts and minds to the task.
And of course, when you work with friends it's easy for you to accomplish the tasks because you know each other's strengths and weaknesses - and from there you can complement and help each other do things and get the job done really quick. And when the going gets tough, the tough gets going from you and your buddies. After all the hard work and effort all of you chip in, when it's finally done you can get together for a hearty meal to celebrate your success!
Friendship is without a doubt a driving force to healthy personal lives. When you have mutual trust, respect, understanding and experience, you connect to your friends in a deeper way than you normally would. With friendship, it doesn't matter whether you have the people knowledge to connect with others, or your service skills that treats people like kings, or even your reputation within the world's community. Your friends know who you are, and all of you know what you have in common is the reason you are friends with each other: the fun, the jokes, the experiences, the opinions, etc. Friendship is a difference maker!
One true story illustrates this. General William Westmoreland, one of the many U.S. leaders who led his troops in Vietnam, was reviewing a platoon of paratroopers, asking each of them, "How do you like jumping, son?"
The first soldier said, "Love it, sir!"
"The greatest experience in my life, sir!" exclaimed the second soldier.
The third soldier surprised him. He said, "I hate it, sir."General Westmoreland asked him, "Then why do you do it?"
"Because I want to be around the guys who love to jump."
A cute story of friendship. If we want to be that kind of friend, the one who's always around with the others, sharing moments of joy and sorrow, then remember that finding real friends - let alone being one - is a hard thing now, as they are scarce. King Solomon, one of the wisest people who ever lived, said that "Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family." If you do find one, make sure you cultivate your friendship with him. Nurture it until the both of you have become as close as foxhole friends. (Or maybe even to that level) Better yet, be a real friend anyone would want to have. Use the Approachability Principle hand in hand with this one.
King Solomon also says, "Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul." Real friends are refreshing like soothing lotions and beautiful fragrances. Whenever you have one around, you're guaranteed to have yourself a good share of great memories in future. As author C.S. Lewis observes, "Friendship is born at the moment one says to another, 'What? You too? I thought I was the only one.'" To have that kind of friendship is always refreshing, no matter the situation. It's like a breath of fresh air in the early morning. And it should always be that way.
Another quote by King Solomon is this: "You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another." It's because real friends help each other become better at who they are and what they do. (And even how they do it) Real friends are always bringing out the best that's in you. They have faith in you. Even if you say you can't, they keep saying you can. And it lasts for a lifetime. They will be there for you all the time, and they will never ever turn their back on you. Even though the world is now full of selfish people who look after their own selves, you might come across people who still cling together like chewing gum to your shoe.
Author and pastor Richard Exley has some good insight:
"A true friend is one who hears and understands when you share your deepest feelings. He supports you when you are struggling; he corrects you, gently and with love, when you err; and he forgives you when you fail. A true friend prods you to personal growth, stretches you to your full potential. And most amazing of all, he celebrates your successes as if they were his own."Sure, you want to have lots of friends. But there are times when some friendships don't always last. There are times when a friendship is formed for a REASON. They may come into your life, change you in some way, and then fade away into the shadows. All this may unfold in just a day! Or maybe it may be an ongoing but intermittent process. You may find that there is little need to develop such friendships. But sometimes what they leave behind in your heart may be worth more than all the money in the world.
There are also those which last for a SEASON. You get to know them, have fun with them, chat and share thoughts with them, and the like. But it's only for just a certain period of time. Even so, treat them like they were your real friends. Seasonal relationships are like with teachers or an employer. Once it's over, there usually is little reason to continue keeping in touch.
Finally, the important ones are those that last for a LIFETIME. These are ongoing and permanent, and the bond you have with these kind of friends will span many years. And to make sure it stays that way, continuous cultivation of the friendship is a must. You need to commit yourself to the friendship; talk to them the way they want to be talked to; be the kind of friend YOU want to have; share the memories you have; grow together holistically, and it wouldn't hurt to spoil each other once in a while.
When you start practising all this, make a note of their reactions and behavior to you before and after. If the results are positive, then you are making progress with your friends! They will slowly but readily accept your new approach to them, and you may find yourself surrounded by many real friends anyone could ever want. But of course, always note that while most last for a short time, those that will last forever need to be cultivated at all times to ensure you have real friends to help you when you need it the most. And be sure to repay them in kind.
Believe in these principles, and they will work wonders for you.
Cheers!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Affirmation
On matters of friendship, I love affirming people! I love telling them about how much I appreciate their traits, how they have helped me, how we share certain similarities no matter the differences, and how I appreciate being their friend. It's the nicest way to express faith, trust and joy to a friend whom you know has been quite a friend all along. And really, I love doing affirmation letters or cards for all my buddies. Some would be like "Huh?", some are like "Cool man! Thanks!", some are also like "Aiyah, no need la!". I get mixed responses, but so far no one has declined my dedications to them. If anyone did, I'd be very sad.
Therefore, I will acknowledge every single one of my friends whenever I can here in my collection of notes. I may even make new ones for new incidences! So don't be shocked if, eventually, you'd have twelve notes appreciating you! XD
So far, this is the only way I know to express my deepest gratitude to all of you. Over the years, I have had the chance to know some really awesome people, and they have helped move me all around until now. I wanna make sure that all I say goes deep into the affirmation (well, not TOO deep) and that it's message is not lost between the lines. I do it all with sincerity from the bottom of my heart.
Oh, and please note they will be rather long. A little heads-up for you guys and gals, heh.
Cheers!
Therefore, I will acknowledge every single one of my friends whenever I can here in my collection of notes. I may even make new ones for new incidences! So don't be shocked if, eventually, you'd have twelve notes appreciating you! XD
So far, this is the only way I know to express my deepest gratitude to all of you. Over the years, I have had the chance to know some really awesome people, and they have helped move me all around until now. I wanna make sure that all I say goes deep into the affirmation (well, not TOO deep) and that it's message is not lost between the lines. I do it all with sincerity from the bottom of my heart.
Oh, and please note they will be rather long. A little heads-up for you guys and gals, heh.
Cheers!
Updates
Well, it is true that when you have good intentions other people may take you for granted. They might think you have ulterior motives behind all your "do-good-unto-thy-neighbors" thing. I get that sometimes, rare as it may be, but then again I don't take them really seriously. I shrug it aside and keep doing what I wanna do. It makes me feel good to do it. Asides, doing good unto others is what makes me FEEL good!
Then again, there are times when even I can get down over what others say. Some have told me to mind my own business. Some are indifferent. Well, we try, don't we? After all, we're only human. It's not like we can expect results so quickly.
If you doubt my skills, I can't change that. If you think I am a jerk, well maybe I am to you. I just hope that, in time, you'll see things my way. And maybe everything might just be so much better. It takes one to know one, after all. I won't force change onto you; you may not like the approach. But if in time I slowly do what I know is good for you and I then I guess we can work things out right.
My thanks to some other friends who still believe in my cause. Your support is a breath of fresh air, and I cannot thank you enough for everything.
And to those who provide me with your constructive criticism, I thank you too. It's good that you know where I need to work on so as to make sure my goals can be achieved without much trouble.
Meanwhile, I'd better prepare myself for the future. There may be more people in need of a helping hand, or an arm around the shoulder. The more good I do, the more I hope it will encourage them to do good to others as well. And also become more positive people in the process.
Cheers!
Then again, there are times when even I can get down over what others say. Some have told me to mind my own business. Some are indifferent. Well, we try, don't we? After all, we're only human. It's not like we can expect results so quickly.
If you doubt my skills, I can't change that. If you think I am a jerk, well maybe I am to you. I just hope that, in time, you'll see things my way. And maybe everything might just be so much better. It takes one to know one, after all. I won't force change onto you; you may not like the approach. But if in time I slowly do what I know is good for you and I then I guess we can work things out right.
My thanks to some other friends who still believe in my cause. Your support is a breath of fresh air, and I cannot thank you enough for everything.
And to those who provide me with your constructive criticism, I thank you too. It's good that you know where I need to work on so as to make sure my goals can be achieved without much trouble.
Meanwhile, I'd better prepare myself for the future. There may be more people in need of a helping hand, or an arm around the shoulder. The more good I do, the more I hope it will encourage them to do good to others as well. And also become more positive people in the process.
Cheers!
Part V of Friendship Eternal: The Foxhole Principle
The next principle I will introduce is actually my favorite!
"In poverty and other misfortunes in life, true friends are a sure refuge. The young they keep out of mischief; to the old they are a comfort and aid in their weakness, and those in the prime of life they incite to noble deeds.
~ Aristotle
Friendship requires this last component in order to make it a lasting one. Sure, now you have trust friends can count on; an attitude that places friends first, situation last; the ability to see past problems, and the ability to talk to almost anybody. But the next one ultimately decides who among your circle will become the greatest friend you could ever have.
The Foxhole Principle states: "When preparing for a battle, dig a hole big enough for a friend." The reason why it's called this way is simple. Pastor and Dallas Theological Seminary Chancellor Chuck Swindoll said that in the U.S. Marines he was taught to dig a foxhole (or fighting hole) big enough for a friend. An infantry fighting manual would state there are many types of foxholes. The simplest was the "hasty fighting position" where the soldier has no time to dig a hole. Or if he does have time, he can dig one big enough for himself. But it is stated that a "one-soldier fighting position...does not have the security of a two-soldier position."
Even better than two? Three! According to the Army Field Manual, the efficiency of the three-soldier foxhole is stated below:
"One man can provide security; one can do priority work; and one can rest, eat or perform maintenance. This allows the priority of work to be completed more quickly than in a one-soldier or two-soldier position." Also, "it is more difficult for the enemy to destroy this type of position. To do so, the enemy must kill or suppress three soldiers."
Even wise King Solomon of Israel has a poem to depict the importance of sticking together:
'Two are better than one
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.
Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
But how can one be warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.'
When it comes to this principle, please remember the foxhole isn't just for you; you need to be a friend before you ask a friend's help, and you've been in someone else's foxhole sometime ago.
Now when it comes to foxholes, if you have one just for yourself, it's not healthy! According to some research done by the California Department of Mental Health, people who spend most of their time alone are more prone to contract chronic health cases that can lead to death than people who are always spending time with friends. (Isolating yourself from others can cause terminal cancer!) Also, when you share a foxhole with someone, the both of you will become great friends and have a friendship that will last forever! It's because all the thick and thin you've shared together will be worth more than gold. Treasure those memories.
Foxholes also prove to you who are your real friends. Sadly, many are people are like our shadows. In sunny days, they're there. In dark days, they are missing. Only those friends who are closest to you will stick with you all the way and not ask anything in return. Coach Pepper Rodgers quipped on a bad year he faced: "My dog was about my only friend, and I told my wife that a man needs at least two friends. She bought me another dog."
So now you know how foxholes help you out. And I hope you'll also remember that foxhole friends are hard to find - they are few in number. There was an incident during the American Civil War when President Abraham Lincoln received a request for pardon to a certain soldier for desertion. To his surprise, it came without anything to vouch for the soldier. The officer told him that all of the soldier's family members were killed in the war, and that he was a friendless person. So Lincoln said he would give his decision the following morning.
It took him long and hard to come up with a decision that was wise and fair. But the next day, he told the officer the testimony of a friend had him decide to pardon the man. Shocked, the officer reminded Lincoln that the request had come without any letter(s) of reference. Lincoln simply said: "I will be his friend." And thus the man was pardoned. Lincoln proved himself to be a foxhole friend.
When you find that one true foxhole friend (or a couple if you're lucky), make sure you value him/her/them.
And let's not forget that foxhole friends depend on one another to strengthen their resolve. When you have someone believe in you, it uplifts you. Philosopher Epicurus says, "It is not so much our friends' help that helps us, as the confident knowledge that they will help us." Make sure you do the same for your comrade too. And you'll also notice that the both of you will see things from the same perspective, regardless of what your personalities are like. The more time you spend with someone, the more inclined you both are to agree with each other. It grants you both great help and comfort to one another.
As the battle heats up, foxhole friends make a big difference in life. And no matter the odds, foxhole friends love each other unconditionally. They are the people who will keep your secrets, share your strengths and victories, help carry your burdens, and does practically anything with you. Take me and RJ, for example. We may not look like it, but we are foxhole friends. We share lots of stuff and have loads of fun, and we always make sure we were there for each other. We complement each other - and we are definitely passionate about doing our best for every one's sake. If I hadn't met him, I doubt that I would ever be what I am today.
Before I end, here's an inspiring tale of true friendship:
So who is your foxhole friend? I know mine is RJ, and I know even if we are far apart, we will always remain foxhole friends. And that thought always keeps me going.
Cheers!
"In poverty and other misfortunes in life, true friends are a sure refuge. The young they keep out of mischief; to the old they are a comfort and aid in their weakness, and those in the prime of life they incite to noble deeds.
~ Aristotle
Friendship requires this last component in order to make it a lasting one. Sure, now you have trust friends can count on; an attitude that places friends first, situation last; the ability to see past problems, and the ability to talk to almost anybody. But the next one ultimately decides who among your circle will become the greatest friend you could ever have.
The Foxhole Principle states: "When preparing for a battle, dig a hole big enough for a friend." The reason why it's called this way is simple. Pastor and Dallas Theological Seminary Chancellor Chuck Swindoll said that in the U.S. Marines he was taught to dig a foxhole (or fighting hole) big enough for a friend. An infantry fighting manual would state there are many types of foxholes. The simplest was the "hasty fighting position" where the soldier has no time to dig a hole. Or if he does have time, he can dig one big enough for himself. But it is stated that a "one-soldier fighting position...does not have the security of a two-soldier position."
Even better than two? Three! According to the Army Field Manual, the efficiency of the three-soldier foxhole is stated below:
"One man can provide security; one can do priority work; and one can rest, eat or perform maintenance. This allows the priority of work to be completed more quickly than in a one-soldier or two-soldier position." Also, "it is more difficult for the enemy to destroy this type of position. To do so, the enemy must kill or suppress three soldiers."
Even wise King Solomon of Israel has a poem to depict the importance of sticking together:
'Two are better than one
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.
Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
But how can one be warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.'
When it comes to this principle, please remember the foxhole isn't just for you; you need to be a friend before you ask a friend's help, and you've been in someone else's foxhole sometime ago.
Now when it comes to foxholes, if you have one just for yourself, it's not healthy! According to some research done by the California Department of Mental Health, people who spend most of their time alone are more prone to contract chronic health cases that can lead to death than people who are always spending time with friends. (Isolating yourself from others can cause terminal cancer!) Also, when you share a foxhole with someone, the both of you will become great friends and have a friendship that will last forever! It's because all the thick and thin you've shared together will be worth more than gold. Treasure those memories.
Foxholes also prove to you who are your real friends. Sadly, many are people are like our shadows. In sunny days, they're there. In dark days, they are missing. Only those friends who are closest to you will stick with you all the way and not ask anything in return. Coach Pepper Rodgers quipped on a bad year he faced: "My dog was about my only friend, and I told my wife that a man needs at least two friends. She bought me another dog."
So now you know how foxholes help you out. And I hope you'll also remember that foxhole friends are hard to find - they are few in number. There was an incident during the American Civil War when President Abraham Lincoln received a request for pardon to a certain soldier for desertion. To his surprise, it came without anything to vouch for the soldier. The officer told him that all of the soldier's family members were killed in the war, and that he was a friendless person. So Lincoln said he would give his decision the following morning.
It took him long and hard to come up with a decision that was wise and fair. But the next day, he told the officer the testimony of a friend had him decide to pardon the man. Shocked, the officer reminded Lincoln that the request had come without any letter(s) of reference. Lincoln simply said: "I will be his friend." And thus the man was pardoned. Lincoln proved himself to be a foxhole friend.
When you find that one true foxhole friend (or a couple if you're lucky), make sure you value him/her/them.
And let's not forget that foxhole friends depend on one another to strengthen their resolve. When you have someone believe in you, it uplifts you. Philosopher Epicurus says, "It is not so much our friends' help that helps us, as the confident knowledge that they will help us." Make sure you do the same for your comrade too. And you'll also notice that the both of you will see things from the same perspective, regardless of what your personalities are like. The more time you spend with someone, the more inclined you both are to agree with each other. It grants you both great help and comfort to one another.
As the battle heats up, foxhole friends make a big difference in life. And no matter the odds, foxhole friends love each other unconditionally. They are the people who will keep your secrets, share your strengths and victories, help carry your burdens, and does practically anything with you. Take me and RJ, for example. We may not look like it, but we are foxhole friends. We share lots of stuff and have loads of fun, and we always make sure we were there for each other. We complement each other - and we are definitely passionate about doing our best for every one's sake. If I hadn't met him, I doubt that I would ever be what I am today.
Before I end, here's an inspiring tale of true friendship:
Author and former pastor of City Temple in London, Leslie D. Weatherhead, wrote about two friends who were literally foxhole friends; they were soldiers together. He said that when one of the soldiers was injured and could not get back to safety, his buddy went out to get him, against his officer's orders. He returned mortally wounded, and his friend, whom he carried on his back, was dead.
The officer was angry. "I told you not to go," he said. "Now I've lost both of you. It was not worth it."
The dying man replied, "But it was, sir, because when I got to him, he said, 'Jim, I knew you'd come.'"I love this story. I type this with tears in my eyes, because it means what it says. Even in the most dire of situations, when the entire world seems to be against you; when the sky's about to fall; when all hope seems lost... you know that right beside you, you have someone you can truly count on. Someone to fight with you, even against all odds. And you can proudly stand shoulder to shoulder with him/her.
So who is your foxhole friend? I know mine is RJ, and I know even if we are far apart, we will always remain foxhole friends. And that thought always keeps me going.
Cheers!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Part IV of Friendship Eternal: The Approachability Principle
When it comes to interactions, approachability is a key element in fostering good relationships. You'd probably met and heard of approachable people in your life: favorite teachers, good friends, orators, successful businessmen and even leaders of nations. There are even those close in your heart, and you often wonder how it would be nice if you were like them. It's all in the way they can easily bond and connect with their friends and other people. Like celebrities, they attract attention easily. It's not just about charisma that makes the man (or woman) or the skills that they possess that make them unique. The fact they easily get along with practically anyone is what makes them special.
Then there are those on the opposite side of socialization: the introverted, the cold, the forbidding. Man, those are the kind of people you should thaw out of the ice.
We all want to be as famous as RJ Kevin. Let's face it, he's the most popular dude in the entire Lower Six! I'm pretty sure every girl would want to date a cool guy like him. But why is ever one in love with RJ? (Except the teachers - most of them) It's all beause he knows how to approach them. But every one can be an RJ Kevin if they know how!
The Approachability Principle is all about that. People tend to miss the opportunity to connect with their friends and deepen their friendship because they don't make themselves approachable to others. It mostly depends on how you can connect with the people around you, and how you convey the message to them. The "art of getting along" with your pals and other people depends on 98 percent of your own behavior to others.
Even I'm trying to learn this principle! It's because when you are approachable your friends find it easier to communicate with you. They are at ease. They feel comfortable. They feel like you make them feel special in a sense.
To start cultivating approachability, you need to have personal warmth to every one you know. Christian Bovee said, "Kindness is a language the dumb can speak and the deaf can hear and understand." It's easy to tell when you are cared for by your friend(s), or if you are resented. And to let friends know you care, you must let them feel your warmth and your concern for them. You also need to appreciate the differences in others, and when you know which parts of them are better than yours and vice versa, you can complement one another. Once they see it the way you see it, they'll start liking you better. And you'll like them just as much! Thus, different is good sometimes.
Also, it's important to watch your moods. If you remember seeing shows where the employee who arrives at the office and asks a fellow colleague, "How is he today?", you'd know that people with inconsistent moods are hard to connect. Why? Because you can never expect anything from them! Conversely, if your mood is always at a consistent level, you become predictable. You are always what you are, and people will feel at ease when in your company. You won't just jump at them like a mad dog when they least expect it! (Unless they know you are a Super-extrovert!)
Don't forget you need to be sensitive to what others feel! Even if you are emotionally stable, does that mean others are? Tune into them the best way possible. Adjust yourself depending on their mood. They will see that you are on their wavelength, and that helps them connect with you. Also, let's not forget the importance of exposing your own weaknesses once in a while. There was a time when John C. Maxwell conducted a conference, and asked the leaders in attendance to do just that. But one man approached him, saying that he disagreed.
"Won't that make my people unsure of me?" he asked.
"No, I won't," Mr Maxwell answered. "You see, you're operating under the assumption that they don't already know."
Author Ed Howe wisely stated, "Express a mean opinion of yourself occassionally; it will show your friends that you know how to tell the truth." It matters not about what they think of you. Approachable people are always honest about themselves. It makes them willing to listen to what they need to hear. And because you have your faults, you wouldn't mind if your friends had their own faults too! "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves," goes an old Chinese proverb. "They shall never cease to be amused."
Forgiving and forgetting are crucial too. When you know your own weaknesses and that of your friends, it's not hard to forgive them - because in any case, we're still human. And let's not forget authenticity. You are who you are, not what they decide. If you are a person who always shares laughs with everyone, be that person. If you're the friend who always looks out for others, be that person. If you always value deep friendships that last for lifetimes, continue being that person. You don't have to pretend like you're someone else. You just have to be yourself, in your own skin, with no secrets, no hidden agendas, no worry about where you stand with others. To be authentic, you need to be secure with yourself because you will feel like you won't always need to win, and you don't have anything to prove.
Approachability has its boons in leading others too. When you are approachable with your employees, they will feel at ease with you and it'll be easier for them to work with you and give their all to meet your demands. In parenting, approachable parents make their children feel really close to them. In marriage, both husband and wife need to be approachable with one another so that common problems can be solved quickly.
In the end, when you are approachable, people come to you like nails to a magnet. The more approachable you become, the more people and friends who will flock to your side.
Cheers!
Then there are those on the opposite side of socialization: the introverted, the cold, the forbidding. Man, those are the kind of people you should thaw out of the ice.
We all want to be as famous as RJ Kevin. Let's face it, he's the most popular dude in the entire Lower Six! I'm pretty sure every girl would want to date a cool guy like him. But why is ever one in love with RJ? (Except the teachers - most of them) It's all beause he knows how to approach them. But every one can be an RJ Kevin if they know how!
The Approachability Principle is all about that. People tend to miss the opportunity to connect with their friends and deepen their friendship because they don't make themselves approachable to others. It mostly depends on how you can connect with the people around you, and how you convey the message to them. The "art of getting along" with your pals and other people depends on 98 percent of your own behavior to others.
Even I'm trying to learn this principle! It's because when you are approachable your friends find it easier to communicate with you. They are at ease. They feel comfortable. They feel like you make them feel special in a sense.
To start cultivating approachability, you need to have personal warmth to every one you know. Christian Bovee said, "Kindness is a language the dumb can speak and the deaf can hear and understand." It's easy to tell when you are cared for by your friend(s), or if you are resented. And to let friends know you care, you must let them feel your warmth and your concern for them. You also need to appreciate the differences in others, and when you know which parts of them are better than yours and vice versa, you can complement one another. Once they see it the way you see it, they'll start liking you better. And you'll like them just as much! Thus, different is good sometimes.
Also, it's important to watch your moods. If you remember seeing shows where the employee who arrives at the office and asks a fellow colleague, "How is he today?", you'd know that people with inconsistent moods are hard to connect. Why? Because you can never expect anything from them! Conversely, if your mood is always at a consistent level, you become predictable. You are always what you are, and people will feel at ease when in your company. You won't just jump at them like a mad dog when they least expect it! (Unless they know you are a Super-extrovert!)
Don't forget you need to be sensitive to what others feel! Even if you are emotionally stable, does that mean others are? Tune into them the best way possible. Adjust yourself depending on their mood. They will see that you are on their wavelength, and that helps them connect with you. Also, let's not forget the importance of exposing your own weaknesses once in a while. There was a time when John C. Maxwell conducted a conference, and asked the leaders in attendance to do just that. But one man approached him, saying that he disagreed.
"Won't that make my people unsure of me?" he asked.
"No, I won't," Mr Maxwell answered. "You see, you're operating under the assumption that they don't already know."
Author Ed Howe wisely stated, "Express a mean opinion of yourself occassionally; it will show your friends that you know how to tell the truth." It matters not about what they think of you. Approachable people are always honest about themselves. It makes them willing to listen to what they need to hear. And because you have your faults, you wouldn't mind if your friends had their own faults too! "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves," goes an old Chinese proverb. "They shall never cease to be amused."
Forgiving and forgetting are crucial too. When you know your own weaknesses and that of your friends, it's not hard to forgive them - because in any case, we're still human. And let's not forget authenticity. You are who you are, not what they decide. If you are a person who always shares laughs with everyone, be that person. If you're the friend who always looks out for others, be that person. If you always value deep friendships that last for lifetimes, continue being that person. You don't have to pretend like you're someone else. You just have to be yourself, in your own skin, with no secrets, no hidden agendas, no worry about where you stand with others. To be authentic, you need to be secure with yourself because you will feel like you won't always need to win, and you don't have anything to prove.
Approachability has its boons in leading others too. When you are approachable with your employees, they will feel at ease with you and it'll be easier for them to work with you and give their all to meet your demands. In parenting, approachable parents make their children feel really close to them. In marriage, both husband and wife need to be approachable with one another so that common problems can be solved quickly.
In the end, when you are approachable, people come to you like nails to a magnet. The more approachable you become, the more people and friends who will flock to your side.
Cheers!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Part III of Friendship Eternal: The Bob Principle
So now you know trust is essential to building and maintaining a healthy friendship, while putting others first than the situation at hand helps preserve the trust. Sure, it all seems like building friendship is as easy as ABC! But wait, you have to consider other things as well. Like when you have a problem with someone, you may take them to heart and not let the situation get in the way. But sometimes, when we lose focus, we might end up bickering in the end.
Now if you haven't practised the Situation Principle yet, let's examine a common situation: you are always locking horns with everybody. It seems every one you know has some problem with you. You have few friends in your circle. You ask yourself many times, "What gives? Why don't they listen?" And you're always preoccupied on worrying about preparing for future conflicts. If you face this a lot, then truthfully, YOU are the problem!
This principle is simple called the Bob Principle. It states that, if Bob has a problem with everybody, then Bob is usually the problem. And that means you're Bob! (Or Bobbie, if you're a girl)
Bobs are easy to find. They are the ones who always starts a fight, know where to look to start a fight, always carry reasons to start a fight, and always receives the most hits in the fight. It's laughable, but it's true. Take me! I've been a Bob for quite a long while in my life, and I didn't realize it until I re-read "Winning With People". Believe me, my first reaction was: "Shit! How did I miss all the signs???" When you're a Bob, you easily miss the signs. And you'll always be filled with resentment, disgust and other negative feelings, but you still won't realize it.
LOL, but that's all over now thankfully. But I can tell you that when you're Bob or Bobbie it's easy for friends to distance themselves from you. Lord help the one who's partnered with a Bob! But unless he/she has all the patience in the world, he/she is definitely gonna be stuck in a fight with Bob every day! Nobody enjoys that feeling. And in most organizations, people who bring up many problems in a meeting may get them from a Bob. So if you end up leading a group of people, and whenever they bring up problems, look for the source. It may just be a Bob in waiting.
Take the fistfights that are commonplace in Taiwan's parliament. How many times have we seen Taiwanese politicians lunge at each other's throats just because of one problem? It's a sad sight. Comical, yes, but sad nonetheless. They'd better use that energy focusing on the people's needs than throwing knucklehead sandwiches at each other.
Now before we get to taking Bob on, ask yourself: am I Bob/Bobbie?
Do you experience conflict almost every day? If you do, then you need to stop fighting and start listening.
Do friends often rub you the wrong way? That means they irritate you. Tell them nicely about problems you might have. Discuss it slowly. Take time to let them slide away.
Do bad things just happen to you all the time? Maybe you're only attracting the negative. Change your polarity in that case!
Do you always say the wrong thing at the wrong time? Watch your words. Think them through. If it's hard to, ask for help. But be nice!
Once you can adjust to your surroundings, then you can take on the other Bobs/Bobbies in your life.
Since you know what they're like, you must approach them nicely. A soft word turneth away wrath. They might just find you pleasant to work with. And yes, that also means you need to be patient. Keep it cool. They may shoot you down with a barrage of flak, but when you can simmer them down they'll know their mistake. Also, make sure you ask them to THINK before speaking:
T: is it True?
H: is it Helpful?
I: is it Inspiring?
N: is it Necessary?
K: is it Kind?
If he/she answers yes to all these questions, then let him/her continue.
However, there are also times when Bob or Bobbie may be so much a trouble that he/she won't be able to change at or even after that time. Give Bob or Bobbie space and continue to treat him/her well but above all else, make sure he doesn't spread his negativity to others within the organization or among your other friends. Believe me, he can be a very dangerous demoralizer.
Do use these approaches to yourself as well if you feel you're really like a Bob or Bobbie. Once you can tackle the Bob or Bobbie problem in you, other Bobs and Bobbies can easily be helped by you. Indeed, people who can relate experiences that are similar to their own have it easier convincing others to do something about their problem as well. So if you know a couple of Bobs or Bobbies in your life, then you should root out their negativity as quickly as possible. After all, no one wants a grumpy pal in their circle of friends!
Cheers!
Now if you haven't practised the Situation Principle yet, let's examine a common situation: you are always locking horns with everybody. It seems every one you know has some problem with you. You have few friends in your circle. You ask yourself many times, "What gives? Why don't they listen?" And you're always preoccupied on worrying about preparing for future conflicts. If you face this a lot, then truthfully, YOU are the problem!
This principle is simple called the Bob Principle. It states that, if Bob has a problem with everybody, then Bob is usually the problem. And that means you're Bob! (Or Bobbie, if you're a girl)
Bobs are easy to find. They are the ones who always starts a fight, know where to look to start a fight, always carry reasons to start a fight, and always receives the most hits in the fight. It's laughable, but it's true. Take me! I've been a Bob for quite a long while in my life, and I didn't realize it until I re-read "Winning With People". Believe me, my first reaction was: "Shit! How did I miss all the signs???" When you're a Bob, you easily miss the signs. And you'll always be filled with resentment, disgust and other negative feelings, but you still won't realize it.
LOL, but that's all over now thankfully. But I can tell you that when you're Bob or Bobbie it's easy for friends to distance themselves from you. Lord help the one who's partnered with a Bob! But unless he/she has all the patience in the world, he/she is definitely gonna be stuck in a fight with Bob every day! Nobody enjoys that feeling. And in most organizations, people who bring up many problems in a meeting may get them from a Bob. So if you end up leading a group of people, and whenever they bring up problems, look for the source. It may just be a Bob in waiting.
Take the fistfights that are commonplace in Taiwan's parliament. How many times have we seen Taiwanese politicians lunge at each other's throats just because of one problem? It's a sad sight. Comical, yes, but sad nonetheless. They'd better use that energy focusing on the people's needs than throwing knucklehead sandwiches at each other.
Now before we get to taking Bob on, ask yourself: am I Bob/Bobbie?
Do you experience conflict almost every day? If you do, then you need to stop fighting and start listening.
Do friends often rub you the wrong way? That means they irritate you. Tell them nicely about problems you might have. Discuss it slowly. Take time to let them slide away.
Do bad things just happen to you all the time? Maybe you're only attracting the negative. Change your polarity in that case!
Do you always say the wrong thing at the wrong time? Watch your words. Think them through. If it's hard to, ask for help. But be nice!
Once you can adjust to your surroundings, then you can take on the other Bobs/Bobbies in your life.
Since you know what they're like, you must approach them nicely. A soft word turneth away wrath. They might just find you pleasant to work with. And yes, that also means you need to be patient. Keep it cool. They may shoot you down with a barrage of flak, but when you can simmer them down they'll know their mistake. Also, make sure you ask them to THINK before speaking:
T: is it True?
H: is it Helpful?
I: is it Inspiring?
N: is it Necessary?
K: is it Kind?
If he/she answers yes to all these questions, then let him/her continue.
However, there are also times when Bob or Bobbie may be so much a trouble that he/she won't be able to change at or even after that time. Give Bob or Bobbie space and continue to treat him/her well but above all else, make sure he doesn't spread his negativity to others within the organization or among your other friends. Believe me, he can be a very dangerous demoralizer.
Do use these approaches to yourself as well if you feel you're really like a Bob or Bobbie. Once you can tackle the Bob or Bobbie problem in you, other Bobs and Bobbies can easily be helped by you. Indeed, people who can relate experiences that are similar to their own have it easier convincing others to do something about their problem as well. So if you know a couple of Bobs or Bobbies in your life, then you should root out their negativity as quickly as possible. After all, no one wants a grumpy pal in their circle of friends!
Cheers!
Part II of Friendship Eternal: The Situation Principle
"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Trust is one thing. Once there is trust, then surely all relationships will have solid foundations, and we can have healthy interactions with those we know. But be careful, because trust can face difficulties to maintain too! Like a building undergoing a facelift, when a storm comes along all the best laid plans will just come to nothing, and the building will just become rubble. To make sure that trust continues to stand firm, you need to be cautious around certain situations. Remember: never let the situation mean more than a relationship. Never let yourself put situations ahead of the relationships you have.
Let's take the famous Serena and Venus Williams as an example. Having a father who trained them intensively in tennis, they were both on the road to fame - Venus, the elder sister, ranked number one in the twelve-and-under division, while Serena ranked number one in the ten-and-under division. Once they had finally gone pro in later years, it wouldn't be long before they would meet in the court. When they first did in the Australian Open's second round, Venus trumped her little sister. They soon met again in the finals of the Lipton Championship in March 1999, and Venus won again.
But in spite of the competition they proved to be to one another (Serena soon topped her sister, especially when she became the number-one player in the world in 2002), it never did affect their relationship as sisters. In fact, they're still getting at the best of each other. They still love each other. And even Venus admitted missing her sister when Serena skipped the 2004 Australian Open.
Venus says this: "Family comes first, no matter how many times we play each other. Nothing will come between me and my sister." This is known as the Situation Principle.
From them, we can learn that it's important for us to nurture the relationships in our lives, like that with our families. Surely, there can never be smooth sailing, but it never is any day. It's all about making sure you see the importance of the relationships in your lives, and not the situations that could threaten these relationships. Of course, at times major situations (life-or-death ones) will need to be prioritized more than the relationship. But never ever lose your perspective on the important things. Material wealth, rank and authority are only temporary.
You need to make sure you see the big picture, not the bad one. The more you see the bad picture, the more unhappy you'd be. When you want to make a point, leave out the bad picture from the big picture. It's because you want to solve the issue at hand quickly, and not let it get bogged down by unnecessary arguments. Then, make sure you don't make the same mistake twice, or else the consequences will be heavy. Also make it a point not to turn a small issue into a big one. (As I did often last time!) Finally, always show altruistic (unselfish) love even in dire situations. You'd be surprised to see their reaction when you are unconditional with them. By handling them well, you'll notice big problems become small ones, and then eventually subside - leaving you free of guilt!
Mr Maxwell has a little to add to all that:
'When I was a kid, going through my orneriest (rebellious) phase, [my mother] would often say as I left for school, "John, I always want you to do what's right. But regardless of what you do, know that I still love you!"'That is a clear example of focusing on the relationship, and not the situation. Our parents are similarly the same. They love us, and they don't want us to get in trouble. If your parents care for you so much that they still show love for you even when you did wrong, that means they've been practising this principle. And you should learn something from them.
(NOTE: Parental love and respect will be addressed in a later post)
Cheers!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Part I of Friendship Eternal: The Bedrock Principle
(For this series of posts I will impart much of John C. Maxwell's people principles when it comes to trust, as well as some of my own. All friendships we have all depend on trust. The higher your trust, the more people trust you. I hope Mr Maxwell's guidelines will be insightful to all you readers as it has been for me)
I love that verse. It's from an old country song entitled "Friends", and that very verse (the chorus in fact) puts a smile on my face anytime I think of it.
Friendship is the basis of people relations once you get to know them. Sure, it's different in the corporate world, but in spite of that, even business partners can become friends with their clients. But if there's anything that friendship or corporate relations need to survive is trust. To build lasting trust, you need to practise the Bedrock Principle.
"Trust is the result of a risk successfully survived," as said by psychologist and consultant Jack R. Gibb. It's because when others trust us, they truly take a risk. Whenever we don't let them down, we are strengthening that trust with them. Sooner or later, you'll have yourself trust that can last for a lifetime! But it all begins with yourself. If you're not honest with yourself, how can you be honest with others? Moreover if you can't see your short-comings you can't do anything to make them better. It all depends on how we look at ourelves. When we see ourselves positively, our impact on others is positive. And it applies otherwise too, and that would be bad.
And don't ever think you can break trust down to smaller components. It's more like disassembling it, or demolishing trust down to the ground. If you keep thinking you can cut around trust or compromise values in one part of your life, you're very likely to cause more trouble than you know it. "What a person will do WITH you," John C. Maxwell says, "he will also do TO you!"
Always remember that trust is the foundation to every relationship. It all begins with the trust you initially gain with others, and vice versa. Trust is also the frame and the height of the relationship - trust holds the relationship together, and ensures the relationship grows to new levels. Writer and chaplain to Queen Victoria, Charles Kingsley, said, "A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults." With trust, a relationship is cemented and will remain so for as long as the trust is maintained.
Here's some insight by Mike Abrashoff, who wrote 'It's Your Ship':
But be sure that you're not just adding change to your pocket. You also want to compound it! With lots of trust you can find you make nary a deposit anymore! But if you don't work hard on adding change consistently, you might just end up broke again. And that would spell a relational disaster.
Ah, but if you think you can't trust others, then you need to be proactive to build trust.
If people have broken your trust, forgive them. You're in the right, and with that power comes necessary responsibility. Then, clearly state that such occurences must never EVER happen again, or else that person will lose your respect. (You may also hurt his pride real badly too!) And always remember their best moments. Sure, I can't deny that hurt will come and go with people. But if you don't start building trust, you may end up regretting. For only risk takers can see the fruits of their labor: the joy you gain from trusted people.
So now ask yourself: has anyone broken your trust? Is the crime a severe one that warrants you not to trust that person anymore? How willing are you to forgive him or her? Will he or she keep by his or her promise? Can you trust yourself in taking the risk? Also, for those you trust, how much do you trust one another? The answers you get from them will determine your level of trust to others. But I hope you can put your faith in the people you can count on. That investment will be the best you'll ever make.
Cheers!
'Friends, I will remember you,
Think of you,
Pray for you,
And when another day is through,
I'll still be friends with you!'
I love that verse. It's from an old country song entitled "Friends", and that very verse (the chorus in fact) puts a smile on my face anytime I think of it.
Friendship is the basis of people relations once you get to know them. Sure, it's different in the corporate world, but in spite of that, even business partners can become friends with their clients. But if there's anything that friendship or corporate relations need to survive is trust. To build lasting trust, you need to practise the Bedrock Principle.
"Trust is the result of a risk successfully survived," as said by psychologist and consultant Jack R. Gibb. It's because when others trust us, they truly take a risk. Whenever we don't let them down, we are strengthening that trust with them. Sooner or later, you'll have yourself trust that can last for a lifetime! But it all begins with yourself. If you're not honest with yourself, how can you be honest with others? Moreover if you can't see your short-comings you can't do anything to make them better. It all depends on how we look at ourelves. When we see ourselves positively, our impact on others is positive. And it applies otherwise too, and that would be bad.
And don't ever think you can break trust down to smaller components. It's more like disassembling it, or demolishing trust down to the ground. If you keep thinking you can cut around trust or compromise values in one part of your life, you're very likely to cause more trouble than you know it. "What a person will do WITH you," John C. Maxwell says, "he will also do TO you!"
Always remember that trust is the foundation to every relationship. It all begins with the trust you initially gain with others, and vice versa. Trust is also the frame and the height of the relationship - trust holds the relationship together, and ensures the relationship grows to new levels. Writer and chaplain to Queen Victoria, Charles Kingsley, said, "A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults." With trust, a relationship is cemented and will remain so for as long as the trust is maintained.
Here's some insight by Mike Abrashoff, who wrote 'It's Your Ship':
"Trust is like a bank account - you have got to keep making deposits if you want it to grow. On occasion, things will go wrong, and you will have to make a withdrawal. Meanwhile, it is sitting in the bank earning interest."Now let's take it from Mr Maxwell:
"For years in leadership conferences, I taught the idea of having "change" in your pokcet relationally. When you first begin with someone, you start fresh with that person. If the person is trusting and generous, you may begin with a little bit of change. If he is suspicious or hurting, you probably begin with none. Each time you do something to buld trust, you put relational change in your pocket. Each time you do something negative, you spend some of that change. Do enough negative things - due to lack of character or competence - and you're bankrupt. And that spells the end of that relationship."What wise words! Now that makes you wonder how much change you have left, don't you?
But be sure that you're not just adding change to your pocket. You also want to compound it! With lots of trust you can find you make nary a deposit anymore! But if you don't work hard on adding change consistently, you might just end up broke again. And that would spell a relational disaster.
Ah, but if you think you can't trust others, then you need to be proactive to build trust.
If people have broken your trust, forgive them. You're in the right, and with that power comes necessary responsibility. Then, clearly state that such occurences must never EVER happen again, or else that person will lose your respect. (You may also hurt his pride real badly too!) And always remember their best moments. Sure, I can't deny that hurt will come and go with people. But if you don't start building trust, you may end up regretting. For only risk takers can see the fruits of their labor: the joy you gain from trusted people.
So now ask yourself: has anyone broken your trust? Is the crime a severe one that warrants you not to trust that person anymore? How willing are you to forgive him or her? Will he or she keep by his or her promise? Can you trust yourself in taking the risk? Also, for those you trust, how much do you trust one another? The answers you get from them will determine your level of trust to others. But I hope you can put your faith in the people you can count on. That investment will be the best you'll ever make.
Cheers!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Say What You Need To Say
If at any time you may feel what I have to say may contradict to certain beliefs you hold, may be against the norms of our community, is more disagreeable to other pieces of information, or maybe you want to know something, by all means bring them to light!
The problem with people is they don't see the importance of telling it straight into one's face. We usually worry that we might offend the person, or may lose his trust, or that the entire friendship could be brought down in a flash. Even better, there are people who decide that they shouldn't waste their time on these things. It's humorous to see this happening now, and believe me, without any form of criticism there probably wouldn't be much progress in Mankind.
Adversity and situation usually end up making us who we are, as well as what others have to say about you yourself. But if they leave it unsaid, then it would only do you more harm than you'd expect. Without their say, you can never tell which part of you is lacking improvement. You won't know which part of you needs to be fixed, or what habits to throw out. Isn't it better to come clean about somethings that would change things positively?
It shouldn't be wrong for us to admit another's mistakes. It should also be important that WE accept our mistakes and shortcomings in order to develop a healthy character. When you balance the things they say and the things you know, you can find that equilibrium you've always wanted to achieve.
So trust me: give me your best (and even your worst) comments. Say what you want, because you may never be able to say it again. Say it loud and proud. Even if it could shatter the sturdiest of oak trees, say it. Even if it could break the hearts and minds of men, say it. Even if it could leave a profound impact on me, say it. I will listen wholeheartedly. I will take in every bit of detail you have placed. And hopefully I will come back to you with a good answer.
I know I have my faults with some of you. Some of you won't mind. Some of you wouldn't take it seriously. Some others would prefer If I shut it up. Nevertheless, let me apologize for everything. As much as apologies are over-used, it is nonetheless vital to remember that it carries good meaning when you truly mean it. And I mean well.
Yes, I know that we can't always win with the people who surround us. But nothing ventured, nothing gained I say. It's all part and parcel of life - taking risks in people. Because you can never tell when you will find someone who will have a great impact in your life. Perhaps a friend. Perhaps a relative. Perhaps a future lover. You can never know, but these people will bring great things into your life in the least expected way possible.
I expect a lot of stuff from you people, especially concerning this post too. A few of you are probably my second-greatest critics (the greatest being our own selves) and truly I appreciate your honesty. It's like a breath of fresh air. Others have their insights as well, while some others are... perhaps uncertain of what to say. Never mind about that. If you have anything you'd want to clarify, just ask. Voice it. Spit it out. Let your words flow to me. And I will see to your questions.
Cheers!
The problem with people is they don't see the importance of telling it straight into one's face. We usually worry that we might offend the person, or may lose his trust, or that the entire friendship could be brought down in a flash. Even better, there are people who decide that they shouldn't waste their time on these things. It's humorous to see this happening now, and believe me, without any form of criticism there probably wouldn't be much progress in Mankind.
Adversity and situation usually end up making us who we are, as well as what others have to say about you yourself. But if they leave it unsaid, then it would only do you more harm than you'd expect. Without their say, you can never tell which part of you is lacking improvement. You won't know which part of you needs to be fixed, or what habits to throw out. Isn't it better to come clean about somethings that would change things positively?
It shouldn't be wrong for us to admit another's mistakes. It should also be important that WE accept our mistakes and shortcomings in order to develop a healthy character. When you balance the things they say and the things you know, you can find that equilibrium you've always wanted to achieve.
So trust me: give me your best (and even your worst) comments. Say what you want, because you may never be able to say it again. Say it loud and proud. Even if it could shatter the sturdiest of oak trees, say it. Even if it could break the hearts and minds of men, say it. Even if it could leave a profound impact on me, say it. I will listen wholeheartedly. I will take in every bit of detail you have placed. And hopefully I will come back to you with a good answer.
I know I have my faults with some of you. Some of you won't mind. Some of you wouldn't take it seriously. Some others would prefer If I shut it up. Nevertheless, let me apologize for everything. As much as apologies are over-used, it is nonetheless vital to remember that it carries good meaning when you truly mean it. And I mean well.
Yes, I know that we can't always win with the people who surround us. But nothing ventured, nothing gained I say. It's all part and parcel of life - taking risks in people. Because you can never tell when you will find someone who will have a great impact in your life. Perhaps a friend. Perhaps a relative. Perhaps a future lover. You can never know, but these people will bring great things into your life in the least expected way possible.
I expect a lot of stuff from you people, especially concerning this post too. A few of you are probably my second-greatest critics (the greatest being our own selves) and truly I appreciate your honesty. It's like a breath of fresh air. Others have their insights as well, while some others are... perhaps uncertain of what to say. Never mind about that. If you have anything you'd want to clarify, just ask. Voice it. Spit it out. Let your words flow to me. And I will see to your questions.
Cheers!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Little Notes
Here's a story John C. Maxwell published in his book, Winning With People:
Ah-ha. Got the joke?
There are two messages that are conveyed:
1. People in power tend to forget that it's the people below them who make all the difference within an organization. The more they mess up their relations with their employees, the more likely they are to suffer setbacks and failures.
2. If you are having a difficult time with agreeing on something with someone, then you should stop looking at it your way. Instead, look at it their way. You might just see it'll work out alright!
Remember these lessons, and you can go places easily, unlike the corporate balloonist in the above story.
Cheers!
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You have made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, you've managed to make it my fault."
Ah-ha. Got the joke?
There are two messages that are conveyed:
1. People in power tend to forget that it's the people below them who make all the difference within an organization. The more they mess up their relations with their employees, the more likely they are to suffer setbacks and failures.
2. If you are having a difficult time with agreeing on something with someone, then you should stop looking at it your way. Instead, look at it their way. You might just see it'll work out alright!
Remember these lessons, and you can go places easily, unlike the corporate balloonist in the above story.
Cheers!
Everything Must Change
Now maybe some of you wonder why I have decided to take on a new approach.
Let me tell you this: the old me isn't any better than most of Mankind. He usually complains a lot, worry more on everything, pays little attention to small but important things, and tends to be pessimistic about everything happening. Sure, he takes advice, but in the end, he forgets the lessons learned. And then ends up regretting and hating himself. It's all leading him downward into an abyss.
Well, no more. The new Calvyn will do all he can to inspire people around him. He will listen more and hear less. He will talk only when he knows what needs to be said. He will see things from their viewpoint, even though it may not be so agreeable. He will pay attention to the little things that matter. He will cherish the friends he makes. He will rebuild broken bridges with friends he may lose. He will gladly celebrate the joys of one's achievement, even if it's better than his own. He will be a helping hand in times of sorrow. And he will do all in his power to ensure every one around him becomes empowered to be great people.
No more quick judgments. No more doubting people or their abilities. No more berating. No more complaining. (Well, maybe a little wouldn't hurt, hehe) No more fussing around. And enough of worrying and overthinking! They're only gonna break me!
I realize that for the past 17 years of my life, I spent much of it doing things I shouldn't have done altogether. And in those years, I realized I made many brash mistakes that cost me. I never thought I'd had been like so until I looked back clearly. Man, what a mess! So I'd better use the remaining time that I have to improve myself and others in the process.
I have made it my goal to help at least a hundred people before I die. And help here doesn't just mean helping out with homework, or lending a spare dollar for the bus fare. Helping people takes time, patience and energy and also needs one to make lots of sacrifices. You can't expect results almost immediately when you help someone. It usually takes time. Sure, short-term problems CAN be solved in a day if you work on it. But the longer-term ones need continual monitoring and maintenance to ensure the problem is addressed. Whether you're mentoring someone to greatness, or leading a group in a specific task, it demands your time, effort, patience and willpower.
Do you think it's selfish? I leave that to you to say. Me, I justify myself by reminding myself that whatever good I do, I must do it with a willing heart. And I always remember that when I help someone, they may have the inclination to help others as well. I now always occupy my mind with positive thoughts on making people have a positive outlook on life and do positive things to others around them. Even if I don't get the expected results... well, I'm sure to be disappointed, but I guess that means I should be more careful when it comes to investing in people. But now I enjoy it when I help someone willingly.
When you help someone without expecting a reward, you inevitably find yourself rewarded. Your good deed comes back to you like a boomerang. What goes around comes around. Karma.
Sure, everyone has their wants and needs. All you have to do is to offer them the means so that they can get what they want and need. Motivation has a way of spurring the mind to do even the impossible. The possibilities are endless for inspired, motivated people! It just requires a little bit of investment in people. But of course, the best results come from people who you know are the right people needed today. If they have the potential waiting to be tapped, then go on and spur them to unravel it! If you train them well enough, they will ultimately change the fate of the world for the better. You'll never know.
And I also admit, even though I tell you that I am doing all I can to do the best, there will inevitably be times when shit will unfortunately hit the fan. But no fear. I will take it easy. I won't be running around, panicking like a madman over trivial matters. I'll look into the problem, see what may have caused it. It could be me that's the problem; I will address it quickly and make sure I remember that mistake so as not to repeat it again. If the problem is external, I will go to the source - be it a person, an object or a situation. If it's a person, I will open my ears and heart to listen to his or her reasons. If an object, I'll see how I can use it to turn things around, or if needs be disposed of to prevent future mishaps. If a situation, I do a thorough investigation and see what solution I can come up with.
I believe in people. I believe in my friends, especially. And I have high faith in them. Why do I put my trust in them so much when I know that some friends may only stay for a season, or come in for a reason? And then what about those that last a lifetime? I will mention those in a future post. For now, I just want you all to understand that the old is no more, and only the new is here. And I hope that through this new image I carry, I can truly help every single one of you change towards greatness.
Ah, if I had only learned all this sooner. Heh, but there's no time to regret. Know your past, remember the mistakes you made then, and make sure they don't occur again in future!
Cheers!
Let me tell you this: the old me isn't any better than most of Mankind. He usually complains a lot, worry more on everything, pays little attention to small but important things, and tends to be pessimistic about everything happening. Sure, he takes advice, but in the end, he forgets the lessons learned. And then ends up regretting and hating himself. It's all leading him downward into an abyss.
Well, no more. The new Calvyn will do all he can to inspire people around him. He will listen more and hear less. He will talk only when he knows what needs to be said. He will see things from their viewpoint, even though it may not be so agreeable. He will pay attention to the little things that matter. He will cherish the friends he makes. He will rebuild broken bridges with friends he may lose. He will gladly celebrate the joys of one's achievement, even if it's better than his own. He will be a helping hand in times of sorrow. And he will do all in his power to ensure every one around him becomes empowered to be great people.
No more quick judgments. No more doubting people or their abilities. No more berating. No more complaining. (Well, maybe a little wouldn't hurt, hehe) No more fussing around. And enough of worrying and overthinking! They're only gonna break me!
I realize that for the past 17 years of my life, I spent much of it doing things I shouldn't have done altogether. And in those years, I realized I made many brash mistakes that cost me. I never thought I'd had been like so until I looked back clearly. Man, what a mess! So I'd better use the remaining time that I have to improve myself and others in the process.
I have made it my goal to help at least a hundred people before I die. And help here doesn't just mean helping out with homework, or lending a spare dollar for the bus fare. Helping people takes time, patience and energy and also needs one to make lots of sacrifices. You can't expect results almost immediately when you help someone. It usually takes time. Sure, short-term problems CAN be solved in a day if you work on it. But the longer-term ones need continual monitoring and maintenance to ensure the problem is addressed. Whether you're mentoring someone to greatness, or leading a group in a specific task, it demands your time, effort, patience and willpower.
Do you think it's selfish? I leave that to you to say. Me, I justify myself by reminding myself that whatever good I do, I must do it with a willing heart. And I always remember that when I help someone, they may have the inclination to help others as well. I now always occupy my mind with positive thoughts on making people have a positive outlook on life and do positive things to others around them. Even if I don't get the expected results... well, I'm sure to be disappointed, but I guess that means I should be more careful when it comes to investing in people. But now I enjoy it when I help someone willingly.
When you help someone without expecting a reward, you inevitably find yourself rewarded. Your good deed comes back to you like a boomerang. What goes around comes around. Karma.
Sure, everyone has their wants and needs. All you have to do is to offer them the means so that they can get what they want and need. Motivation has a way of spurring the mind to do even the impossible. The possibilities are endless for inspired, motivated people! It just requires a little bit of investment in people. But of course, the best results come from people who you know are the right people needed today. If they have the potential waiting to be tapped, then go on and spur them to unravel it! If you train them well enough, they will ultimately change the fate of the world for the better. You'll never know.
And I also admit, even though I tell you that I am doing all I can to do the best, there will inevitably be times when shit will unfortunately hit the fan. But no fear. I will take it easy. I won't be running around, panicking like a madman over trivial matters. I'll look into the problem, see what may have caused it. It could be me that's the problem; I will address it quickly and make sure I remember that mistake so as not to repeat it again. If the problem is external, I will go to the source - be it a person, an object or a situation. If it's a person, I will open my ears and heart to listen to his or her reasons. If an object, I'll see how I can use it to turn things around, or if needs be disposed of to prevent future mishaps. If a situation, I do a thorough investigation and see what solution I can come up with.
I believe in people. I believe in my friends, especially. And I have high faith in them. Why do I put my trust in them so much when I know that some friends may only stay for a season, or come in for a reason? And then what about those that last a lifetime? I will mention those in a future post. For now, I just want you all to understand that the old is no more, and only the new is here. And I hope that through this new image I carry, I can truly help every single one of you change towards greatness.
Ah, if I had only learned all this sooner. Heh, but there's no time to regret. Know your past, remember the mistakes you made then, and make sure they don't occur again in future!
Cheers!
Just Gotta have Faith
I hope I won't offend anyone if I write this. If there are any problems in this post, or if you feel something in this post should be addressed (as it may offend you or you find it one-sided or whatever), please inform me ASAP and I will rectify it AS FAST AS I CAN. The last thing I wanna do is start a controversy! (Oh, and don't worry, I'm making this note only viewable by Friends)
When it comes to faith, there's not much that we can share that's the same about our religions, except certain aspects of religious principles, like don't commit any form of sin or respect and love your parents. All religions have differences in terms of worship and other principles and customs. But here in Malaysia it's nice to see how every one is united despite our differences in our faiths.
Then we look at the world. The reason why I've stopped myself from reading the news is because every time I do, I am saddened by what is going on in the globe today: so much destruction, so much death, so much sorrow. And no, it's not about Mother Nature wreaking havoc worldwide.
I mean, can't we all just get along, for once?
We are continually striving for peace in every country worldwide. We always preach the importance of being united for the benefits of all Mankind. But now, so many are intent on spreading dissent, anarchy, tyranny and ruin to the lives of the untold billions who call Earth home. And mostly it's because of our faith.
From my observations, I came up with a principle (please note: PRINCIPLE) to living called the Unitarian mind-set. It defines that the religion we practise in our lives as our own, but also readily accepts the religion of others, no matter the differences between them. Instead, it calls for the need to focus on similarities and work from there to create understanding and tolerance. Thankfully, much of the world's population follows the Unitarian mind-set adherently, and the best example would be us Malaysians.
Ever since we achieved our independance, the three primary races - Malays, Chinese, Indians - have come together to form the backbone of the Malaysian population. And it's already been 53 years; look at where we are now! Still as united, and now growing strong. Heck, the 1Malaysia concept isn't even necessary! We've made it through so far for 53 years and though we have come across some major problems (1969 comes to mind) we're still making it through together. Just because of certain individuals who question the matter doesn't have to lead us to making such life-changing decisions. It impacts negatively on every one of us.
We shouldn't be fighting at all! We should stay harmonious, loving one another as brothers and sisters who share the same beloved homeland, not involved ourselves in useless bickering and arguing that's taking us round in circles! No way! Embrace our identity. Live as a united community. And start working to greatness.
Still on the subject of faith, when it comes to converting, that shouldn't be brought up as a problem as well. It is ultimately the choice of the individual in question. Sure, many people would be mortified to hear of people changing religion, and some even are cruel enough to shun them. Hello, that's not the way to do it!
Like I said, it is all a matter of the individual. But you may ask "won't a person's God condemn them for all eternity?" Now that question has meaning to it. This is because many people state that their God won't be pleased about it, and may punish them for the rest of their life. (And even up till the point when they end up in Heaven or Hell!) But haven't you been hearing that a lot of people are becoming Christians? I'm sure you have.
Now don't get me wrong. There is a certain attachment I feel to the Christian faith, even though I am a Buddhist. (Yes I am, for those who didn't know!) In fact, sometimes I quote from what I've learned in the Christian faith (like from the Bible, or from my own opinions) and sometimes I share the fiery and devoted faith my friends carry - of their love to God. I know many friends who are like that, especially those who have been Christian all their life. I know friends who converted despite being of a separate religion earlier on. (In these cases, their family subsequently converts, or they don't but still accept their child's decision) I even know friends who have been touched by God, but cannot convert because of their families.
Not long ago (unless you consider close to six months as LONG), I had a friend who shared that kind of experience - love for God, but no support from parents. When I initially heard that she wanted to be a Christian (she's Buddhist) I encouraged her to do so without hesitation. Hell, I was happy for her too! ("What?" some of you might say) Then she added how his parents fiercely disagree with her decision. And because she didn't want to let them down, she didn't convert. Well, correction: she HASN'T converted yet, that's what I say.
I feel for her, and those who face that kind of problem. Even though I'm not a Christian, it doesn't mean I should be condemning my friend for changing faith. It's not right or rational for me to just tell her off and stop being her friend! Instead, I know that she has a connection to God now, and I should let her continue that connection and build a healthy relationship with her Creator. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to talk to her about this because of her reluctance, but I do hope that through this post she will be reinvigorated to have faith in God. Perhaps it'll invigorate you too!
Hey, don't get me wrong here! I'm not asking her to rebel against her parents! No way! But if you have a true undying love for God, stop thinking He's forsaken you and stuff! You should always let Him be part of your life. Even if your parents are doing their own religious stuff and you're there with them, do it too, and do it with an honest heart. Show respect to your parents. Once that, go back to your faith. And if you think it helps (or if you don't practise this) always have a prayer to God at night before bedtime, thanking Him for all the blessings and joy that day, and how you can go about repaying His love for you. (I will elaborate more on repaying God in a future post) Well, your prayer can be anything you want it to be. After all, YOU are communicating with God!
(NOTE: To my Christian friends, do you do this prayer thing everyday? I'm curious as to know if it's universally adopted, or it may just be me watching too many movies.)
Well, you might be saying: "Say, he skipped the original question by jumping to some other point!" Well, yes I did. When it comes to being condemned for changing your faith, I cannot really determine what the Gods have to say about their flock migrating to another faith. It's up to Them, ultimately. But I believe that They know what's best for us humans. They'd probably have a good laugh about it too! I mean, you'll never know what a God thinks of. But do remember they are omniscient. They see all, know all, and hear all. And I'm sure They have more tolerance than we do for each other.
But if there's anything I love doing, it's learning new things from other religions. I have a friend whose family practises the Baiah faith. (Correct me if I'm wrong about the spelling please!) This religion actually accepts all other religions as one united entity that is God. When I learned of it, I was surprised! And thrilled too, because I've always been a Unitarian for quite a while now. So I told myself, "That's enlightening!" and I learned something new and I add that to my list of values.
I also love the fact our generation is full of super-devoted people. And they don't even mind if you're not part of their religion. They still treat you equally! I remember when I was at a Christian event held in MC (no, you girls won't know me from there, except for a mutual friend who invited me, and other friends who went there) called The Reveal that was held last year. Towards the end, they had this appreciation ceremony of sorts (correct me if any of this is wrong) when the band was playing a faithful song and other members were busy talking to everyone about how they love God and how much He loves them, and things like that. Fueling faith, I call it. So anyway, one of them came to me to do the same, but I politely told him I'm not a Christian. He softly said with a smile: "That's okay. God still loves you anyway." I'll never forget those words.
So if you have your thoughts on religions, I'm pretty sure you've a lot to share too. But please be mindful of your words! We don't want a full-blown crusade to happen, do we?
I hope this has opened your eyes on how we see religion. =)
Cheers for now!
When it comes to faith, there's not much that we can share that's the same about our religions, except certain aspects of religious principles, like don't commit any form of sin or respect and love your parents. All religions have differences in terms of worship and other principles and customs. But here in Malaysia it's nice to see how every one is united despite our differences in our faiths.
Then we look at the world. The reason why I've stopped myself from reading the news is because every time I do, I am saddened by what is going on in the globe today: so much destruction, so much death, so much sorrow. And no, it's not about Mother Nature wreaking havoc worldwide.
I mean, can't we all just get along, for once?
We are continually striving for peace in every country worldwide. We always preach the importance of being united for the benefits of all Mankind. But now, so many are intent on spreading dissent, anarchy, tyranny and ruin to the lives of the untold billions who call Earth home. And mostly it's because of our faith.
From my observations, I came up with a principle (please note: PRINCIPLE) to living called the Unitarian mind-set. It defines that the religion we practise in our lives as our own, but also readily accepts the religion of others, no matter the differences between them. Instead, it calls for the need to focus on similarities and work from there to create understanding and tolerance. Thankfully, much of the world's population follows the Unitarian mind-set adherently, and the best example would be us Malaysians.
Ever since we achieved our independance, the three primary races - Malays, Chinese, Indians - have come together to form the backbone of the Malaysian population. And it's already been 53 years; look at where we are now! Still as united, and now growing strong. Heck, the 1Malaysia concept isn't even necessary! We've made it through so far for 53 years and though we have come across some major problems (1969 comes to mind
We shouldn't be fighting at all! We should stay harmonious, loving one another as brothers and sisters who share the same beloved homeland, not involved ourselves in useless bickering and arguing that's taking us round in circles! No way! Embrace our identity. Live as a united community. And start working to greatness.
Still on the subject of faith, when it comes to converting, that shouldn't be brought up as a problem as well. It is ultimately the choice of the individual in question. Sure, many people would be mortified to hear of people changing religion, and some even are cruel enough to shun them. Hello, that's not the way to do it!
Like I said, it is all a matter of the individual. But you may ask "won't a person's God condemn them for all eternity?" Now that question has meaning to it. This is because many people state that their God won't be pleased about it, and may punish them for the rest of their life. (And even up till the point when they end up in Heaven or Hell!) But haven't you been hearing that a lot of people are becoming Christians? I'm sure you have.
Now don't get me wrong. There is a certain attachment I feel to the Christian faith, even though I am a Buddhist. (Yes I am, for those who didn't know!) In fact, sometimes I quote from what I've learned in the Christian faith (like from the Bible, or from my own opinions) and sometimes I share the fiery and devoted faith my friends carry - of their love to God. I know many friends who are like that, especially those who have been Christian all their life. I know friends who converted despite being of a separate religion earlier on. (In these cases, their family subsequently converts, or they don't but still accept their child's decision) I even know friends who have been touched by God, but cannot convert because of their families.
Not long ago (unless you consider close to six months as LONG), I had a friend who shared that kind of experience - love for God, but no support from parents. When I initially heard that she wanted to be a Christian (she's Buddhist) I encouraged her to do so without hesitation. Hell, I was happy for her too! ("What?" some of you might say) Then she added how his parents fiercely disagree with her decision. And because she didn't want to let them down, she didn't convert. Well, correction: she HASN'T converted yet, that's what I say.
I feel for her, and those who face that kind of problem. Even though I'm not a Christian, it doesn't mean I should be condemning my friend for changing faith. It's not right or rational for me to just tell her off and stop being her friend! Instead, I know that she has a connection to God now, and I should let her continue that connection and build a healthy relationship with her Creator. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to talk to her about this because of her reluctance, but I do hope that through this post she will be reinvigorated to have faith in God. Perhaps it'll invigorate you too!
Hey, don't get me wrong here! I'm not asking her to rebel against her parents! No way! But if you have a true undying love for God, stop thinking He's forsaken you and stuff! You should always let Him be part of your life. Even if your parents are doing their own religious stuff and you're there with them, do it too, and do it with an honest heart. Show respect to your parents. Once that, go back to your faith. And if you think it helps (or if you don't practise this) always have a prayer to God at night before bedtime, thanking Him for all the blessings and joy that day, and how you can go about repaying His love for you. (I will elaborate more on repaying God in a future post) Well, your prayer can be anything you want it to be. After all, YOU are communicating with God!
(NOTE: To my Christian friends, do you do this prayer thing everyday? I'm curious as to know if it's universally adopted, or it may just be me watching too many movies.)
Well, you might be saying: "Say, he skipped the original question by jumping to some other point!" Well, yes I did. When it comes to being condemned for changing your faith, I cannot really determine what the Gods have to say about their flock migrating to another faith. It's up to Them, ultimately. But I believe that They know what's best for us humans. They'd probably have a good laugh about it too! I mean, you'll never know what a God thinks of. But do remember they are omniscient. They see all, know all, and hear all. And I'm sure They have more tolerance than we do for each other.
But if there's anything I love doing, it's learning new things from other religions. I have a friend whose family practises the Baiah faith. (Correct me if I'm wrong about the spelling please!) This religion actually accepts all other religions as one united entity that is God. When I learned of it, I was surprised! And thrilled too, because I've always been a Unitarian for quite a while now. So I told myself, "That's enlightening!" and I learned something new and I add that to my list of values.
I also love the fact our generation is full of super-devoted people. And they don't even mind if you're not part of their religion. They still treat you equally! I remember when I was at a Christian event held in MC (no, you girls won't know me from there, except for a mutual friend who invited me, and other friends who went there) called The Reveal that was held last year. Towards the end, they had this appreciation ceremony of sorts (correct me if any of this is wrong) when the band was playing a faithful song and other members were busy talking to everyone about how they love God and how much He loves them, and things like that. Fueling faith, I call it. So anyway, one of them came to me to do the same, but I politely told him I'm not a Christian. He softly said with a smile: "That's okay. God still loves you anyway." I'll never forget those words.
So if you have your thoughts on religions, I'm pretty sure you've a lot to share too. But please be mindful of your words! We don't want a full-blown crusade to happen, do we?
I hope this has opened your eyes on how we see religion. =)
Cheers for now!
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