Updates... and A Farewell For Now

Came back from KL yesterday. Though it was quite disheartening to have been unable to meet my friends, I still had a good time in the capital.

First went to KLCC just to head to Kinokuniya - not to mention getting distracted by Toys 'r' Us because of Lego.

Went to Amcorp Mall the next day to get some bargain books. Bought myself a Neal Asher sci-fi novel, though I was disappointed that they didn't have copies of Frank Herbert's amazingly-written Dune, as well as some little souvenirs for Mom and some good friends of mine.

The following day had me going to 1U, though I found it to be immensely boring without any company.

And in between, gaming on my brother's recently upgraded computer. Haha, the gamer in me refuses to go away.

Now here I am at the La Salle Centre, posting what may be my final entry for the blog - well, for now.

While I can't deny posting on this blog has been quite fun, especially when I get some brainstorm for the next post, it's sad that the messages I try to convey (try as hard as I may) don't reach out to my intended audience. So for the time being, this blog will no longer be updated.

Unless the urge to blog comes back once in a while.

So thank you to those who have been supporting my blog all these years.

And cheers to all of you in your future endeavors.

See you guys soon.

NO?

Is it really that difficult to say NO to something?

I've heard of people who can never say it to a friend when the friend is a-calling. They just drop whatever it is they're doing at the moment and  dash off to wherever their friend is. But that's not all: asking for favors, lending money and God knows what else. They just go with it, even if it  means inconveniencing yourself or others.

Is it that hard to draw the line when it comes to saying NO?

Even I know when to say YES or NO. If it's in my means, I'll say YES. If not, the opposite applies. If I'm uncertain, I always say I cannot  promise anything. And yes, I always say that. I make it a point never to make promises unless I know I can keep them. I've broken a few  before, and I don't want history to repeat itself.

So c'mon, if they're asking you to join them for a boys' night out for the umpteenth time, just say 'No thanks' - especially if there's something  that needs to be done at home, or if you've already promised your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancee/family that you'd take them out. Imagine how  frustrated they'd be if you just ditched them at the last moment. How'd you feel if that happened to you?

NO. It's just one word. Shouldn't people be exercising their use of the word when it needs to be said?

How many of us do?

Cheers all.

Post-Convention Thoughts

Change brings opportunity. ~ Nido Qubein

The 21st National La Sallian Leaders' Convention came and went just like that. Time really flies, doesn't it?

When we first came together on the 16th of December, none of us knew what was in store for us. Well, maybe except myself. Even though this would mark the first time I came for the Convention, I had quite a bit of knowledge on what to expect thanks to early exposure to the La Sallian spirit and values and through my time from organizing this year's Northern Regionals. Of course, the most important thing that would come to us would be change. But where are we to change? Which explains why I came for the Convention: how are we going to change and make a difference? I wanted to know. Hopefully, I would know just where to start.

The Heritage play struck me the most throughout the entire Convention. I'd seen one and helped direct another, but none could compare to how the performance stayed very faithfully to the real La Sallian story. It was from that onwards that I knew I was bound to be awakened to something new in the next few days, something that I never really noticed or learned up till now. That was an opportunity I knew I had to seize.

And I was right. All our sessions, games and reflections helped each and every one of us realize how our world is suffering at the hands of the ignorant, the sinful and such others. They challenged our thinking, our beliefs, our principles. They made us see how real these problems are. They made us realize that change is a must to make things better. They made us realize we are not alone in this noble mission.

Change means that what was before wasn't perfect. People want things to be better. ~ Esther Dyson

In between, there were definitely moments of fun and laughter. Lame jokes, IQ tests and sharing sessions allowed us to build new bonds of friendship between fellow La Sallians. And I must admit that the sessions I led after the end of the day were kinda spontaneous. I only believed that each and every one of us has something to share. So why not allow that voice to come out to the fore?

And as I have said many times, my enthusiasm was at its peak. Never have I actually unleashed so much energy in any other camp I've been to. What made me do it? I don't even know why. But I'm glad that I did it. I'm glad I got the ball rolling for everyone.

And as the days rolled by, I stopped once in a while to check my affirmation pouch. Honestly, you guys and girls honor me with your affirmations, and I was pleasantly surprised to see how many I have at the end of the day. I never intended to be affirmed for my deeds. I only wanted everybody to just feel proud of what they learned and to go out into the world with their eyes open.

And I never thought I'd say this: 'Open your eyes, ears, heart and mind, and you can make that change.' I told Wei Kit that, and in hindsight, I didn't really understand how I said that to him. But now that I look back, I must say it was my experiences that helped me form those words.

I guess change came in the most surprising of ways to me.

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. ~ Leo Tolstoy

Most of us really think we can one day change the world. I hope that Convention made you realize that only when you start from within can you really help the world.

My parents were instrumental in making sure me and my elder brother learned good moral values that have shaped the way we see the world. We used to live a comfortable life, and back then, I wasn't the person I am now. Time has its ways of changing a person. The events that I had to go through brought me new insights to what Life is really all about. And I'm thankful I had to go through all those to reach where I am now.

Now I live a simple life, and I do confess it's not as easy as it once was. But me and my family get by. Besides, I'm thankful I come from a caring family. Though things haven't really been looking up and may just become better than before.

Another thing I'll point out is that, honestly, I'm quite socially inept, especially with women. Ironic? There are just times when I say or do things that are (a) said at the wrong time; (b) lame; (c) misinterpreted; and a few other reasons. And I'm saying this based on personal experience. I've lost - and almost lost - friends because of that, and even now I regret my actions. So if I did say or do something without realizing its damaging effect, I offer my sincerest apologies. I'm pretty much at war with myself, but rest assured that I'm not intending on giving up.

It's all about accepting change. And I'm glad I accepted it.

Before we acquire great power we must acquire wisdom to use it well.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

When the last day came, it was indeed a very sad occasion. But despite that, I'm very happy. I'm overjoyed, really! Finally, we've come to our journey's end - but it's only the end of the Convention. Once you return home and return to school, then you're back to reality. That marks the beginning of a new journey: one that may lead us across numerous obstacles. But as long as we hold on to our beliefs and make that leap of faith, surely nothing, not even a force of nature, can stop us.

Of course, I cannot deny there will be times when all seems hopeless. I assure you, change is never easy. But if you are willing to make sacrifices, then by all means do it. If you have doubts, confide in your friends. We have the Facebook group not just to keep everyone connected. Use it to share your doubts, your sorrows, your victories, your lessons learned. It's a platform to remind us that what we do is for the greater good of all. Altruistic love is what we practise.

I have this quote I'd like to share, found on the tomb of an Anglican bishop of the 11th Century:

When I was young and free my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it, too, seemed immovable. As I grew in my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now as I lay on my deathbed, I suddenly realized: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed my world.

Small steps. Small steps are capable of making that difference. Now that we know ourselves, it's high time we took all that we've learned to walk the talk and hopefully bring about the change we want to see. If we agree that another world is possible, then I can tell you that it starts from us. Don't think of today as another one in paradise. Paradise isn't here yet. We need to work for it.

Are you with me and the La Sallian dream? Then let's make that step forward together as a family. And let us not forget there are thousands of others out there who share in our dream. Let's unite them as well and make the difference.

Understanding someone properly involves learning from him, and learning from someone properly involves changing oneself.
~ Hans Kung

Before I end, I'd like to affirm each and every one of you who participated in the Convetion whether as a Delegate, an accompanying teacher, an OT or even as a facilitator. I may not have talked to you much, nor would I have been able to write to each of you, but let me make it clear that I acknowledge you for who you are. No matter what our background may be, we are all the same. I am, you are, we are La Sallians. Never forget that!

And lastly, I will set up a blog for ourselves to be used as a platform for sharing other insights, personal experiences, projects and such that we could not shared throughout the Convention. Your contributions to this new blog - which I will name Journeying With The Dream - will be very important to helping everybody remember our mission and our responsibilities, as well as learn new lessons that will be key in making their dreams come true. Please feel free to email me with your stories and I will do my very best to publish them on this blog. If you do not know my email, drop by the blog once its complete. You'll definitely find it listed there.

Also, for those who have regular Internet access (I don't have any at home) and are willing to lend a hand, please let me know first hand. I need other administrators who can receive and publish stories on the blog whenever I'm not online. This blog might just be that first step in starting a chain reaction for the better.

Signum Fidei, brothers and sisters! And until the next time we meet, good luck and God bless.

...do all the good you can
to all the people you can
in all the ways you can
as long as ever you can
~ D.L. Moody

Thoughts: Anthropomorphism

I remember reading one of Ellen Whyte's recent stories on her weekly Katz Tales in the Star, where her resident cats each reacted differently to a new and temporary house guest, a tortoise. One couldn't be bothered, one made friends with the guest, while another was scared witless, even after the tortoise was released.

Below that column was a small piece about anthropomorphism - the attributing of human characteristics to animals and gods, among other things. So the question now begs: do animals have feelings just like us?

One part of society thinks so. If not, why do they go great lengths in providing the best for their pets? Why else would they shower their affection on their fuzzy (or furry, or scaly, etc) friends? It's pretty obvious both master and pet share a unique chemistry between one another. And we all know how it hurts when a family pet passes away after being with them for so long.

Then we have the few who treat them as they are. I'm sure we all loathe them for what they do to their pets just to make sure they behave.

And of course, let's not forget the scumbags who let their pets suffer and die in the most horrible ways possible. They deserve a place in hell.

But I digress: do they actually emote? Science argues that it's all instinctive behavior. I, like many others, think otherwise. But this debate has been going on for so long it's hard to actually side with one party when there's so much evidence being laid down by people all over the globe.

What do you think? Share your thoughts with me. (Though I'm positive everyone would agree animals do feel!) Maybe I might group everyone's say and send it over to Ellen Whyte to be published in the Star. Well, hopefully.

Thoughts: What's Happened To The REAL Michaelian Spirit?

How it saddens me that the Michaelian Spirit has become debased, flawed and tainted by the student community that comes and goes through their time here in the prestigious institute that is St. Michael's.

How has it come to this, I ask?

The real Michaelian Spirit has been buried beneath the taint that it now wears around its shoulders. It now carries a most dishonorable reputation among the Ipoh folk, for whenever they hear the name of our school, rather than remember it as the premier school it is known as in the past, parents dread to hear of its name and the notoriety of its students.

They whisper to one another, "That boy is from St. Michael's? I can't believe his parents would actually send him to that God-forsaken school. It almost seems like the students run the institution, not the teachers!"

The real Michaelian Spirit is an extension of the virtues that De La Salle and his fellow Brothers practise and preach during their times in educating the lost, the last, the least and the lonely. It also encompasses the moral values we Asians are proud of, thus creating a peaceful, pleasant atmosphere between the students and their teachers.

After all, wasn't this the very school that created the leaders of today? Wasn't this the school that saw the rise of numerous sporting legends, corporate figures, top executives and the like? Wasn't this school renowned for its exceptional student leaders? Wasn't this school a formidable force in debating?

How the times have changed. Today, the near-century old school is nothing but a shadow of its former glory. Its walls are defaced with pointless graffiti. Its paint is peeling away at the hands of unscrupulous kids. Its hallways filled with the loud chatter of boys and girls in the classes, or of students running from one end to the other, engaging in races and other games. Fights often break out when it is least expected. Teachers have a hard time controlling the situation, which is slowly taking a toll on them in more than one way.

These problems were unheard of in the past. During the tenure of the Brother-Directors, I'd say the cane was the final resort when it comes to disciplinary cases. (Brother Pius is to be thanked for introducing it into circulation in SMI) Where once it was THE symbol of fear in the hearts of students, now it has become nothing more than a symbol of office for disciplinary teachers, a tool to "discipline" rowdy/indignant students who don't seem to be fazed by it. What happened?

Even when SMI DID face critical issues on gangsterism, the much-loved former principal Mr Louis was the one who stepped in and changed everything for the better. In fact, the school flourished under his capable leadership. He was, after all, a former Michaelian who was dedicated in keeping the real Michaelian Spirit alive and burning in the hearts and minds of the students. Upon his departure, things only went downhill. And among the early victims included our Michaelian Spirit.

So why should our school, a premier institute of education proud of the rich La Sallian history behind its existence, suffer from such social degradation? While I cannot deny that there are certain parties who don't seem to give a hoot about our school's condition, neither the building nor the good reputation the Brother-Directors left behind shouldn't be allowed to be tarnished.

So, what has happened to the Michaelian Spirit? Has it finally died, poisoned by the actions of the new young generations? Nay, it's just lost in translation, another victim in the declining social environment here in Malaysia, sharing the same fate as many other different scenarios. (All of them related to local culture and the like) There's no telling when the real Michaelian Spirit will ever return. But looking at the school's current sorry state, I doubt it will ever resurface.

Someone please do something.

Thoughts: Discrimination Abound

The recent headlines have brought me back to face my computer screen and blog about one particular topic: prejudice.

In fact, it was thanks to Marina Mahathir's Musings that was printed in Wednesday's The Star that made me type this out. In her post, she writes of the discrimination, hate and inherent mistrust upon Muslims across the globe after the September 11th attacks, and how this can be changed with better knowledge of the Islamic world and its customs, traditions and so forth. Not only that, following the breakout of the Arab Spring that has affected the Middle East for months now, many people have changed their stance with Muslims and are beginning to see them in a different light.

I shall quote Marina Mahathir:

Ten years later, although it cannot be said that Islamophobia has disappeared, Western perspectives on Islam have become more measured and based on better knowledge. One of the biggest boosts... has been the Arab Spring. 

Suddenly the images of Muslims were young, modern and protesting not about the West, but about their own corrupt leaders... in 2011 the Middle East became associated with the yearning for freedom and democracy, one not too different from what developed countries enjoyed. 

Women were seen at the forefront of the revolution, both head-scarved and not, and changed the image of the oppressed Muslim woman. 

It just goes to show that prejudice and discrimination, both rooted in fear of the unknown, can always be dispelled with better knowledge, at least in those willing to learn...

I can honestly tell you that I have been oblivious to what has happened to the Middle East before the Arab Spring started. I had actually believed that even after 9/11 the Arab world was relatively peaceful, if not shaken to its core after the horrifying disaster. Yes, you could say I was ignorant to what was really happening. But when the Arab Spring broke out it made me see just how the Middle East had its own fair share of problems - and not just because of the militant movements that lurk in the shadows.

While it is good to see reconciliation between the Muslim world and the rest of the globe's population coming to terms with one another, it is important to note that all this fear, hate and discrimination is the fault of mass media.

What we've seen on TV are nothing but 'angry bearded men wielding weapons and shouting threats to the West.' The media somewhat branded the Islamic community as terrorists, undemocratic, violent, oppressors of women. The media brazenly trumpeted the so-called "dark side of Islam". All we've seen and heard on the news have been filled with stereotypes of Muslim people - of those who rashly reacted in anger over the West's actions - and from here fear - and prejudice - came and took everyone by the throat.

That's funny. I've always learned from the history books that Islam is no different from any other religion - always differing right from wrong; doing more good for the community; inculcating moral values within the family; and so on. And all it took were a few reports from the media to incite so much negativity.

Already others have been affected by this Islamophobia. A Sikh man killed because he was wearing a turban. Orthodox Jewish rabbis pulled off a plane for praying in a language other passengers didn't understand. Special inspections for people with even the slightest tinge of an Arabic name. Suddenly, no longer can anyone trust their Muslim friends for just about anything.

If it wasn't for the commitment of certain individuals who have defiantly stood up to educate the masses on Islam, be they Muslims or non-Muslims, surely Islamophobia would continue to thrive. And while it still does remain in the hearts of people who ignorantly refuse to accept the truth, it's great news to see this hysteria seems to have subsided to much lower levels. Either that, or the news continues to hide the facts from the public.

And while we're still on the subject of prejudice, what about closer to home? I can tell you now that when I first heard of the Seksualiti Merdeka Carnival and its ban by the police, I thought the police were doing the right thing. Don't ask me why; it just didn't seem right to me at that point in time.

Naturally, I changed my stance after reading some articles, and based on my own beliefs: just like what Marina Mahathir said of the Islamic world, shouldn't the LGBT community be given time to explain itself? Shouldn't we be open to what they have to say?

I believe that many people who read this would be angered by my stance - especially those who say it's not right to be that way. Well, what do you want to do about it? Start some kind of witch hunt and burn them all at the stake? Would that really work? Would you stop them?

You wouldn't. You can never be able to stop them. No matter how much you try, it's like trying to exterminate weeds.

I have heard of cases where parents disown their children because they're different. I have seen how these people are shunned from the community just because they are who they are. Can we blame them for being different? If my child came to me one day and admitted that he/she was one of them, should I disown him /her too?

As human beings, we should have the heart to look after one another despite our differences. So why are we resorting to all this unnecessary hate?

The Seksualiti Merdeka event isn't trying to convince people that promiscuity and such is the way to go. Rather, from my standpoint, it's a platform to allow the LGBT minority to have their say among the majority; it's to allow them to slowly assimilate themselves into the rakyat and be useful to the nation. Rather than let them rot working as sex workers in some dirty back alley, shouldn't we give them the right to work in offices as desk clerks, or even as engineers or lawyers?

So who's to blame? Not just the media. Oh, no. Even political parties  from both sides of the fence are to be blamed for using their power to leverage against the event - from religious hardliners and even to learned men. And why is Datuk Ambiga taking so much flak just because she was to launch the event? Is it because she was part of the controversial Bersih 2.0 campaign? Is it because of her so-called 'pact' with Pakatan? Is it more than those reasons? I leave the politicking to you folks.

She should be applauded for being brave enough to do such a thing. I mean, who would when they'd rather not use their reputation for something good like this. What's keeping us from supporting their cause? The fear and the resulting discrimination we've held against the LGBT community? It's because of those few bad eggs who tarnish the reputation of their fellows.

Even I am to be blamed for disrespecting their kind. But I've realized that it's wrong to do so. Besides, who am I to blame them? They're no different from you and I.

I just hope that the organizers would be able to meet with the IGP and discuss matters peacefully. If the green light is finally given, they definitely deserve a pat on the back.

It's high time we lifted the veil off the subject and bring light to an otherwise misunderstood topic.

Thoughts

Just this morning, Mr K dropped the nukes on our class. Yes, again. Not that I care, mind you. He just has his bad days.

But something he said got me thinking as he lectured everyone about faking work.

Something along the lines of:

You are only cheating yourself, your family and your God.

How sad that we're always lying to everyone we know, whether we like it or not. It almost seems as if the entire world is built from lying.

But then again...

Anyway, on another note, I've a little meme pic I did on the weekend (out of boredom...) about my preps for the STPM. It's not really supposed to be funny, but it kinda serves as a reminder to me that I CAN make it.

Gotta get busy...

Cheers for now. 

Sigh

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

All my heart yearns for is to be heard. Is that too much to ask?

But is it my fault for not immersing myself into society? My fault that I'm not letting myself join their conversations? My fault for feeling lost in their chatter? My fault for becoming invisible to every person I know, even when I'm standing right there?

You've answered many of my questions. You've filled in the blanks that I could not fill all this while. But even then, why do I still feel empty inside? What am I doing wrong? Am I trying too hard to fit in? When I try to be myself, somehow I just blend right into the scenery. (Quite an irony, being the tallest person around here) Am I the only one who's noticed? Or is it because I keep telling myself I don't belong?

I always feel out of place - not just in school, but everywhere else with anyone I know, even my own mother. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if anyone's really listening to me; or if anyone's paying attention to my existence. Hello, I'm right here! Why do you not seem to notice me?

I envy everyone else. They always have a little group of friends with whom they can talk with about anything. Sure, they've built strong bonds of friendship with the rest. I've done that, so why am I not in a clique of my own? Does it mean such bonds are not a paramount requirement to start a group? Or am I not reading between the lines?

I can only have a short conversation span with anyone, unless by chance we're talking about something both parties know of. Once that's done, that's it. It ends there. Again, am I doing it the wrong way?

So is it just me?

It gets to me, all the loneliness. It's not just exam/study stress that's getting me down. Life itself seems to become a challenge. And now that I look, I realized that I've become more reclusive than I used to be in the past. What went wrong? What did I miss?

I know that I have it hard taking advice. How much more counsel are you going to offer me? I'm trying hard to learn from your guidance. And it's very obvious change doesn't happen in an instant. But when you've been a pig-headed jerk all your life, the effort needed to change is greater. I want to change. But I keep disagreeing with myself. I'm caught in a cycle of hatred that has no end.

The war in my mind and my soul still rages on, as fiercely as it always has been. The peace treaty's gone to hell, and I doubt that I'll find peace anytime soon.

I'm in the war of my life

I'm at the core of my life

I've got no choice but to fight 'til it's done

And fight I will. If I give up now, all the ground I had fought for, every single inch of it, would go to waste. Should I allow myself to waste away?

I'll continually update my status whenever I can. At least I'm being honest with you people. Cheers.

More Thoughts

I confess: lately I've become ever more distant than my classmates than I should. I've noticed that ever since I've begun to see things from a new light, the more I know the further I get from USS3. It hasn't escaped my sight. I know this is happening. Am I powerless to stop it?

Not at all.

Yes, the distance between me and my class is probably as wide as... well, not the Grand Canyon, of course. But it's no surprise, really. Over the months, I've been doing and saying things I shouldn't have - and many that I regret - and in between I've also begun to adopt very radical changes in my life that, I dare say, I would never have thought to adopt. It's like they said: "When you change, you don't stick around with the old. You naturally move on."

Am I right to say that my change has only widened the rift between all my classmates?

It's both yes and no.

Why yes?
Like what I said above, change moves you onward. Whatever that you embraced may or may not remain in you when you make that transition. While I cannot deny many of the Science 3 people have been great friends (you know who you are) I'm afraid that there are some aspects which I cannot fit in well. Don't get me wrong, all of you are wonderful people - full of different personalities that have helped color the class. Unfortunately, that's the reason why I have started to float away. The color I possess will only darken things.

And who wants a whiner in their group anyway?

So if I've been quite the introvert with you guys, then my humblest apologies. But I can't promise I'll try to fit in. I might not. I might never.

And why no?
Only a small handful know that this change I'm going through is necessary. And I have Yoon to thank for his support, both explicit and implicit. If it wasn't for him, I may have dropped out. In fact, it's an irony that I had to force him not to!

Forgive me for the sins I've committed, dear God. And I pray that you, my friends, will know my errs and absolve them from me, for I have seen my faults and I wish to repent. And I do not intend to be like what my father is now, damn his soul. I never intended to walk in his shoes and leave a path of destruction like he has.

Cheers all.

To Give Is The Reason I Live

Brother Matt retired yesterday. It was a mellow occasion. Well, I thought it would feel mellow. But it did feel quite lively, with the few performances here and there. So, yeah, a fitting send-off.

When they were talking about Bro. Matt's life and times, the words that stuck with me would be "a life of service." It echoed through my mind, and it made me think very deep about what it meant to me.

I'm considering it. Living a life of service for the good of Mankind. Doesn't that sound good?

Well, it sure does to me.

Cheers!

Time Flies

And yes, Time has flown by so quickly.

I've just managed to view Mabel's commemorative tribute to her three-year old blog. It only seemed like yesterday when we started our respective blogs, hasn't it?

To me, blogging still remains a new experience for me.

Well, unless you think my two years in blogging do not make me a relatively new blogger.

Truth be told, I've had an old blog before this, but that was when I was still a naive, young kid. It ended pretty quickly. But at least I picked up the pieces and moved on.

According to Blogger, I've been a part of them since February 2007. Wait, seriously?

Believe it!

Oh yes, that's... pretty surprising. Heck, I don't even remember being part of them since then!

Unless it also included me being part of the Gmail family. Who knows?

Unfortunately, I don't have the time to actually do a big commemorative piece for "I Am..." (formerly known as "Life Is...") but maybe I'll consider one next year, when I have all the time to do it.

In the meantime, cheers!

Thoughts: Forgiving II

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
~ Lewis B. Smedes

This quote rings truth.

Forgiving releases a lot of weight from one's shoulders. But it's not just them who will be relieved. You too benefit from forgiving.

To bear ill will against someone is only going to be the death of you. You pour in so much malice, so much energy, so much thought into hating someone that you don't realize you're actually trapping yourself. It's like going into a cage full of lions, and then locking yourself in with them and throwing the key away.

How would you feel if, somehow, you and your closest friend suddenly had a terrible row and the both of you would not forgive each other? If you were in the wrong, but you failed to admit your fault on your part, how would you feel? And if you regretted and begged for forgiveness, but none was given, how would you feel then?

I know a few of you who are in such a position, or instead may be the offended party. Isn't it time for the bridges to be mended? How long are you going to poison your heart and mind? To what extent will you finally give them forgiveness?

You may tell me it doesn't affect you at all. Does it now? When you look back at your life and realize you'd made the mistake of not forgiving someone for something he/she has done wrong AND could have been easily forgiven, now that you're the wiser? What would you have to say to yourself?

Heed my warning. Let bygones be bygones. Even when it hurts, grant them forgiveness.

Here's a true story (from the Reader's Digest): a woman from the Phillipines by the name of Anna once celebrated Christmas with two orphan kids - seven-year old Orly, and ten-year old Virgie. They had so much fun in the three days they were to stay with them, that her parents called the orphanage to ask for an extension. They got three extra weeks. What fun!

Soon enough, there was talk about adopting them. Young Anna soon realized that with them permanently in the family, all the attention would go to them. She wouldn't have any of it. So she did the unthinkable (for a child of age 11, it seemed a good idea): she began to sideline herself from the family. The ploy worked, and both the orphans went back to the orphanage. The both of them called and called, begging to be adopted, but it was too late. Anna's father feared she would isolate herself again. They never got to adopting them. They didn't dare.

It wasn't until years later that Anna found out about those calls. In her words, "the guilt cut through my insides. I wondered how my immaturity changed their lives." I can't imagine how their lives would have changed, for better or worse.

Anna tried tracing them, but to no avail. It seemed as though they disappeared from the face of the earth.

Anna sums it all up in her final paragraph:

"My only hope of making contact with them is if one day,... a man would in some vague way recognize me. Maybe he would approach and tell me that I seem familiar. I'd look into his eyes and say, "Why yes, we've met. I'm from the family that promised salvation but never followed through." And I'd tell him, "Orly, I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry."

Think about it. Cheers all.

"When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future."
~ Bernard Meltzer

Thoughts: Forgiving I

"My desire is to be a forgiving, non-judgmental person."
~ Janine Turner

That is what I hope to be one day. It's not an easy path, but I'll get there.

But it's hard to forgive someone, isn't it? We justify ourselves that he/she is in the wrong and I am right. But if a person doesn't make any mistakes, he isn't a mortal anymore - he's God!

I'd say, in terms of faith, God didn't make us perfect for a reason. It's so that we learn from our mistakes and use that experience to make things better in future. In terms of science, logical reasoning needs to mature over time, and thus mistakes we make are only signs that our minds are still growing.

(Correct me if I'm wrong in any of these topics)

After all, to err is human and to forgive is divine. It's best to have at most one enemy than only one friend. Besides, if you and your enemy are the last people alive, how do you expect to rely on each other to survive?

Cheers.

More Thoughts

"For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."
~ Nelson Mandela

Freedom suddenly seems like a privilege. A luxury. Only a certain few can afford true freedom.

What kind of freedom? It's not just to be free from tyranny and injustice. It's being free in all aspects. Free from the restraints of bureaucracy, political bickering and all that jazz.

In anarchy, there is no such thing as freedom. Whoever is the strongest is the victor; none can oppose that rule. Just see what is happening in Africa. Where is freedom? Do they know what is freedom? What freedom tastes like?

Even in democracy, we are not free. We should be given so much more space to voice our opinions to improve the state of the nation and the world. Do not assume that the people are not capable of providing insights into the administration of a country. We are more than just simple citizens.

The world has got it wrong. To be free is to live free from worries. Free from misery. Free from grief. Free from the atrocities of war. Free from the dark side of Man's psyche. That is true freedom.

I believe that's what Mandela saw. And I hope he will see that freedom becomes what it is meant to be.

Cheers.

Events, Events

Tentatively, I'm planning to have a little outing after the STPM and probably after the Nationals as well.

Details are vague at the moment, but the purpose is to just hike around Ipoh, specifically Old Town, and take snapshots of life in Ipoh and perhaps serve as a window to the past. Besides, I need materials for my soon-to-be photo gallery. So if you'd like to join me, do come and meet me anytime. I'll keep putting up updates on this event from time to time.

Of course there'll be lunch. Maybe I'm planning to have this outing last till the evening. But it all depends on you guys. If possible, I'd like to ask those who drive to help out. But as I said, it all depends.

If it IS possible, I even intend to go about the state and take photos. But that one remains a dream.

Though be warned: I'm not planning to have a large group come with me. My group limit will be 10 people (including myself) but if I feel the need to add more members, I'd probably increase the quota to 12-15 people.

In the meantime, I also need some help with Photoshop. Before we all go our separate ways, can i ask if someone could provide me with some how-to's on the software? It'd help me in preparing the gallery's displays. This can be done after the STPM too, maybe on the weekends.

I'll let you guys know soon enough. Cheers!

Thoughts: Gollum and Smeagol

Remember the conversation between Gollum and Smeagol in the LOTR movie The Two Towers as Frodo and Sam slept?

GOLLUM: Wicked, tricksy, false!
SMEAGOL: No, not master.
Yes... precious! They will cheat you, hurt you, lie...
But... master's my friend!
You don't have any friends. Nobody wants you.
Go away!
Go away?
I hate you... I hate you!
Where would you be without me? I saved us. It was me... we survived because of me!
Not... anymore...
What did you say?
Master's our friend now...
What?
Leave, now, and never come back!
No!
Leave now, and never come back!


LEAVE NOW and NEVER come back!!!


Yes... I'm free! I'm free! Smeagol's FREE!!!


The conflict between Gollum and Smeagol actually reminds me that there are two sides to us. Whether we listen to the good or the evil is a choice we must carefully choose. It will ultimately decide our fate in the future.

Cheers.

(:

This one goes to you, dear anonymous friend.

Honestly, I don't know who you are, but your trips to my blog are much appreciated. Though it's been a while since your last visit, the few comments you left on my Chatbox were very much insightful and inspiring as well. So thank you.

Have we met? Do we know one another personally? It would be a great pleasure if you and I could meet up one day over a cup of hot chocolate, sharing thoughts and laughs.

Why not?

Cheers for now.

Thoughts

Evangelists. Not that I have anything against them, but I don't understand why they're so intent on converting everybody.

Shouldn't they have some respect for the other person's religion if he/she doesn't want to convert?

This was the case just this Wednesday (a public holiday, no less) when a woman (of which group/church I will not state here) were in my neighborhood. One woman came to the gate and talked to my mum about "the changing world" and all that jazz. Sure, it's changing, we can see it in the papers, duh.

After she left (leaving behind a magazine or something) another group happened to pass by. Another woman came to the gate and started asking the same things, this time to me. I kept insisting - very politely, mind you - that her friend had already come and left us a nice little gift. But the aunty just kept on insisting to talk to us and trying to convince us she's up to no harm, until finally she relented and left us a present too.

My mum was annoyed. "Nuisance(s)," she muttered angrily.

C'mon now, we're happy with our religion and faith. Why should we convert? Why, 'cause - according to some hardliners - if we don't we go to Hell? Bullshit.

None of MY Christian friends (and I have many) ever asked me to convert. And they never told me that I'd go to Hell if I didn't. So what's wrong with this picture?

Let's not get too overanxious with all this, can we? Everybody has a choice. So please, understand that WE have already made our choice. Thank you.

Cheers all.

The London Crisis: A Post

For this post, I will take this opportunity to salute and praise the English police forces for their valiant efforts in keeping the rioters at bay in the days that have seen some of the worst rioting throughout the nation in decades, not forgetting the 2009 riot at the G20 summit, where a man was killed by a police officer while trying to control the demonstration.

It's not an easy job, being a policeman - especially in a tumultuous time like this. What started off as small-scale protests eventually flared into nationwide panic that has drowned many parts of London - from Tottenham, Clapham and Catford, to Birmingham, Manchester and Liverpool. Properties are being looted, buildings and cars burned, people attacked - nothing and no one is spared from the wrath of the rioters.

How did all this boil down to this? Everyone has an opinion. Some say it's the youth's discontentment with the economy and/or government. Others say it was an instigated act of violence to topple Prime Minister David Cameron's administration. Few also believe this has a link to racial discrimination. But amidst all the confusion the fact remains the same: Britain is on the verge of a societal collapse. If the crisis is not averted soon, this may end up becoming a scene from Alan Moore's "V for Vendetta", where the public marched in anger against the iron-fisted regime of fictional fascist leader Adam Susan.

But how soon can this crisis be resolved? The Metropolitan Police has its hands full - even with 32,000 sworn officers, 9,000 special constables and community officers, as well as 14,000 civilian staff, they have to raise the numbers on duty to 16,000 in this week. And if that's not enough, officers have to work long hours just to ensure the streets are safe from rioters. Through social media and blogs, officers who have posted in the time of the riots have expressed themselves on what it is like to go through the daily horrors that plague much of London now. One officer, in his Twitter post, said: "Sunday 23hr shift. break pre-briefing + snacks/2 bottles water. No further food/water supplied. Monday 18hr shift. No break/water/food."

Hours later, the same officer posted this: "Been pelted with again with bottles and bricks. Looting happening everywhere. 15hr shift & counting."

PC Richard Stanley posted a picture of stressed out police colleagues resting, their heads slumped on canteen tables, exhausted both mentally and physically after the long, long hours (and days) of hard work through the brutality they face. That image is a very strong message that shows how the police are so seriously affected just to keep order in check across London.

But the police aren't just the only ones being brutalized. Fellow Malaysian Mohammed Ashraf Haziq was attacked and robbed and left to bleed, before being robbed again; Tariq Jahan, killed by looters as he and two Asian friends patrolled their neighbourhood in Birmingham; Polish woman Monika Konzyk, who had to leap from her burning flat set alight by looters; there are many more unnamed and unknown individuals out there who are suffering just as much yet are not given any form of aid, what with the police having their hands full.

Britain is losing face in the eyes of the global community. Many individuals have slammed against Cameron's ineffectiveness; his vacation trip that somehow coincided with his deputy's holiday; the proposed plan to cut the police's budget by about £2 million; and so much more. The nation's credibility as a free, peaceful, democratic nation is being chiselled away by these turn of events - and fast, if I may add. As Monika herself put it after her ordeal: "I thought London was a civilized society full of gentlemen and ladies - but it's not like that. England has become a sick country."

It's becoming a serious mess now, the situation.

But thankfully, there are still a handful of people who still have a heart of gold. These individuals, though not many, come out into the streets to clean up the debris and, for some like Philippa Morgan-Walker and her husband Johnny, handing out light refreshments and snacks to weary officers after battling the protesters for hours without any rest. Others have voiced out their support to policemen who pass by, with some even asking why couldn't the violence be meted out on an equal scale. Even in these dark hours, these few men and women showed that, despite all its faults, Britain is still full of Good Samaritans that has not fully caught the public eye. Even in Clapham Junction, there have been many inspirational scrawlings on walls and such that show how much support the police is receiving from the general public. One quote I like is this particularly vocal one: "You can shatter our glass but not our community!"

Apart from that, Tariq's father Jahan made public his hopes that things would change. Even though his son was killed, he did not demand that revenge was served. His message was clear: "I don't want any of you to fight." He is a prime example we should all salute in the ensuing chaos.

After reading so much about the disorder happening there, it actually made me realize that society has degraded so far in the years that passed. In England itself, a lot of people blame the education system for being the cause of creating so many unruly youngsters. But it's not confined to just the British: many other countries, like that of Libya, Egypt and Syria, are going through anarchy in the people's desperate fight for freedom from tyranny and oppression. As Raja Zarith Idris herself stated in her article in the recent Sunday Star, she has noted that society's attraction to materialistic wealth has taken a big toll on the world community. Moral values and virtues have become a thing of the past now. And that has led to these events.

Even Malaysia itself is a victim of many internal conflicts. But I leave that to the politicians until the next elections.

Raja Zarith Idris's opinions echo very well the problems Mankind needs to overcome before it can achieve peace. I find it very unnerving to read this particular passage in her article, which highlights the truth of our current situation:

A couple of years ago, I was flipping through one of those glossy society magazines and I saw a designer handbag that costs RM90,000. Would I have asked my husband to buy it for me? No, because the sight of those flood victims standing in line to receive just RM500 makes such a purchase sinful. How many families would the cost of that handbag help feed?

We should learn from the mistakes of Britain. Perhaps from there, our road to salvation will be much more uneventful.

Cheers all. And God bless the Met for their continued endeavours to keep London safe.

(Sourced from news reports from Guardian News and Media, The Daily Telegraph and the Sunday Star)

We Are Like Monsters To Each Other

Take a good look in the mirror.

Think of 10 things that make you who you are.

Voice them out loud.

Think of 3 things you feel needs a makeover.

Voice those out loud too.

Process all that you've thought and said.

The time it takes for you to do both has a very large difference.

It's been said before that a person can only say nothing but praise for himself/herself and disgust for others deemed of a lower class in any aspect. Vice versa applies.

Now, think of 20 people you dislike.

From that list cut it down to the top 5 you hate.

Easy?

Now, apart from your parents and your true-to-life BFFs, list 6 people who have changed your life for the better. And I don't mean simple changes. In simple terms, people who brought the MOST PROFOUND changes in you - changes that have shaped you to become someone new, or someone better.

How about that?

Process all that you've thought and said.

Better rearrange your priorities.

On another note (one which is related to this post) I would like all of you to know that if you hate me down to the smallest bone, then I'm not going to make you change. Keep it to yourselves. And keep it up, for all I care. Fuck up my life if it makes you happy. I bend and break like any other ordinary human. But I relish the challenge.

So adieu for now.