Recently, me and sis Sandra paid RJ's mum a visit while she was at the hospital. She had gone there some time ago to undergo an operation to treat her osteoarthritis problem in her leg, and thankfully the op went well. Sandra brought some fruits for them (I felt ashamed to come empty handed!) and we shared some good laughs while we were there. As we were leaving, RJ thanked us for dropping by. I then asked him why he hadn't informed me about this event, and that surprised him. He asked me, "I thought you knew?"
Unfortunately, while everyone was moving along with the Internet I was one of many thousands who are still stagnating because of no Internet access at home. So maybe that's why I didn't know about this until Sandra told me about it. But what RJ said got me to thinking about the assumptions we make when it comes to our interactions with others.
Alan Pease once wrote, "Don't assume; it makes an ASS out of U and ME." What he said is true, actually. Ever noticed how we sometimes jump to conclusions even before the person we're talking to finishes his or her sentence? Or like in the conversation I had with RJ, we assume the other party is aware of what is being discussed while the other has to ask before he can join the conversation? Well, it's a hard habit to shake off in humans.
The one thing is people tend to HEAR more than they LISTEN. And when they are in a conversation, we can't wait for the other person to finish talking so we can put in our say. First of all, the more we HEAR the less we remember. The more we LISTEN the opposite applies. So are you actually listening to what the person is saying? If so, can you remember what he/she said, or at least remember the key words in his/her sentences? Can you understand what he/she is trying to say? If both are answered with a 'yes', then you're doing it right. Otherwise, you might need to stop thinking of a reply to his/her statement.
The primary cause of concern is about us worrying about a reply to use. Truth is, you don't have to worry about it until the person has finished talking. Sure, we interrupt them whenever they have some conflicting fact or maybe because you want to add words to their mouth, or maybe for some other reason. Nevertheless it's actually very rude to interrupt one's conversation. If you do want to join in the chat do ask politely first if you can part of it. And when a person is speaking, LISTEN TO HIM OR HER. DON'T waste your time thinking of a suitable repartee or retort or whatever. When he/she is done, then you start.
Why do this? One thing is that it helps maintain your reputation with them. If you allow others to talk before you speak, they will do the same with you out of respect. When you listen to them and give them the room to speak their mind(s), you're doing them a big favor in terms of rapport building. They will find you to be an understanding person, and some may even see you as wise because you have some of the answers after they have spoken. Then they'd find it easier to communicate with you. On the other hand, if you interrupt a lot they might see you as pushy, or hot-headed since you haven't the patience to listen to their words. Thus, they will consider you a pain in the butt, or a thorn in their side. You're only making things worse.
What's so hard about letting them finish? Unless you know the whole story, they probably wouldn't mind you interjecting. But if we let ourselves finish their sentences for them, it can turn ugly. And it will hurt your self-image and their respect for you. Noboby likes a smart aleck, as Marshal Jim Raynor quoted. Just give them some space to talk and they will truly appreciate it.
Of course, not everyone knows about the etiquette of talking. Some will just barge in with their words that they just bowl others over, but they don't give a damn. Well, sometimes we tolerate them. Other times, we avoid them. But whatever happens don't be like them at all. Just let others have space and let them say what needs to be said before we reply. It's not too much to ask for.
Cheers!
